Archive for the ‘Gangstas’ Category

Is It Too Late to Give You a Puzzle?

Teen ghetto girl: If you had a daughter…
Teen ghetto boy: If I had a daughter, there ain’t no way she’d be leavin’ the house with them short shorts and shit. And she fo’ sho’ wouldn’t be playin’ with them barbies. Barbies is evil. They mess with girls’ brains, makin’ them think they need to show off their shit and have babies when theys like 15. No barbies. Only puzzles.

–Manhattan bound N train

Overheard by: lauren

And That Was When Fat Albert Went Straight

Five thugs ascending subway steps see cop on the street: Ho! The pigs! Oink! Busted! [They run and one starts breathing heavily, wheezing.]Cop: Maybe you should have taken the elevator.
Fat thug: Shit! There’s an elevator?! Where’s the elevator?! [After they all go to look for the elevator] There’s no elevator! He tricked us!

–Lorimer St, Brooklyn

Negative Twenty ‘Hood Points Just for Knowing the Word ‘Cosine’

Ghetto wannabe #1: Yo’ rhymes are so lame it’s like you took the cosine.
Ghetto wannabe #2: You so poor you go fishin’ for dimes.

–Woodhaven, Queens

Overheard by: drendar

Headline by: Against Marj

Runners-Up:

· “Bill and Hillary Prepare for Next Year’s Video Music Awards” – DoubleJ

· “Cosine? Like from Nigganometry?” – Big Larry

· “E = MC Hammer Squared” – Christina

· “M.C. Tangent and D.J. Non-Sequitur.” – SandmanEsq

· “My rhymes are so hype I can divide by zero, Burnin’ down the ghetto like my name is Nero” – mk

· “Whitey got no algorithm” – Charlie

· “Why Pythagorus never got sined.” – Julie Baber

· “Yo’ so dumb you only know pi to 3.14159” – arielle


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Overheard by: Kenzi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tommi

Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick?

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Overheard by: Caroline