Archive for the ‘Gangstas’ Category

Is It Too Late to Give You a Puz­zle?

Teen ghet­to girl: If you had a daugh­ter…
Teen ghet­to boy: If I had a daugh­ter, there ain’t no way she’d be leav­in’ the house with them short shorts and shit. And she fo’ sho’ would­n’t be playin’ with them bar­bi­es. Bar­bi­es is evil. They mess with girls’ brains, makin’ them think they need to show off their shit and have ba­bies when theys like 15. No bar­bi­es. On­ly puz­zles.

–Man­hat­tan bound N train

Over­heard by: lau­ren

And That Was When Fat Al­bert Went Straight

Five thugs as­cend­ing sub­way steps see cop on the street: Ho! The pigs! Oink! Bust­ed! [They run and one starts breath­ing heav­i­ly, wheezing.]Cop: Maybe you should have tak­en the el­e­va­tor.
Fat thug: Shit! There’s an el­e­va­tor?! Where’s the el­e­va­tor?! [Af­ter they all go to look for the el­e­va­tor] There’s no el­e­va­tor! He tricked us!

–Lorimer St, Brook­lyn

Neg­a­tive Twen­ty ‘Hood Points Just for Know­ing the Word ‘Co­sine’

Ghet­to wannabe #1: Yo’ rhymes are so lame it’s like you took the co­sine.
Ghet­to wannabe #2: You so poor you go fishin’ for dimes.

–Wood­haven, Queens

Over­heard by: dren­dar

Head­line by: Against Marj

Run­ners-Up:

· “Bill and Hillary Pre­pare for Next Year’s Video Mu­sic Awards” — Dou­bleJ

· “Co­sine? Like from Nigganom­e­try?” — Big Lar­ry

· “E = MC Ham­mer Squared” — Christi­na

· “M.C. Tan­gent and D.J. Non-Se­quitur.” — Sand­manEsq

· “My rhymes are so hype I can di­vide by ze­ro, Burnin’ down the ghet­to like my name is Nero” — mk

· “Whitey got no al­go­rithm” — Char­lie

· “Why Pythagorus nev­er got sined.” — Julie Baber

· “Yo’ so dumb you on­ly know pi to 3.14159” — arielle


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Know How to Dick­er

Lit­tle gang­ster kid: Yo, the last time I went fish­ing I got a fish­ing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brook­lyn

Hobo: Every­body’s some­body on my dick!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

Girl, to male co-work­er: Can you be a lit­tle more sub­tle and not such a dick-swinger about your Am­s­tel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Over­heard by: Ken­zi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broad­way and Put­nam, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Tom­mi

Drunk col­lege stu­dent: My re­deem­ing fac­tor is I will suck fuck­ing dick to make mon­ey.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Over­heard by: John­ny Bon­san­to

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her num­ber, and then it was dis­con­nect­ed. So I went back the next week, and she was­n’t work­ing there any­more. So I won­dered, did she quit her job just to avoid suck­ing my dick?

–Bleeck­er & Sul­li­van

Over­heard by: Car­o­line