Archive for the ‘Garbage’ Category

He Hates Sweep­ing Up Shat­tered Eth­nic Stereo­types

Old Jew­ish man: My door­man does­n’t like me.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: Why?
Old Jew­ish man: If I told you, you would­n’t be­lieve it. I had a bunch of news­pa­pers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the re­cy­cling bin. So I was open­ing it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don’t have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twen­ty dol­lars!
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: You did­n’t keep it, did you?
Old Jew­ish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: And the door­man saw that?
Old Jew­ish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Give a Hoot and Don’t Pol­lute

Con­duc­tor: Last call for trash… Last call for trash… One last, des­per­ate call for trash…

–Am­trak, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: won­der­ing why he want­ed trash so bad­ly

La­dy: I can say this with­out any ran­cor in my heart: She is a piece of hu­man garbage.

–Hous­ton & Hud­son

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

JAP on cell: Ugh, I hate when they ask me to buy a Coach purse! I would­n’t even buy it re­tail. Like, re­al­ly, do I look like white trash?

–Canal St

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, this is a re­minder not to lit­ter on the trains… ‘Cause if you lit­ter, I’ll get all up in your grill like George Fore­man. Thank you.

–R train, White­hall sta­tion

Over­heard by: creepy

Guy on cell: Guess what I did yes­ter­day? I peed in a bot­tle… Wait, that’s not even the best part! Af­ter­ward, I threw it down the trash chute. What? Too much in­for­ma­tion?

–33rd St, be­tween 3rd & Lex

Over­heard by: Emi­ly Dun­can­son

Who In­ter­prets the Floor of the Sub­way as a Toi­let?

Hip Woman: Ex­cuse me, I think you dropped your Metro­card.
UES Woman: I know. It’s not any good any­more.
Hip Woman: Oh, so now the floor is a garbage can?
UES Woman: That de­pends on your in­ter­pre­ta­tion.
Hip Woman: Who in­ter­prets the floor of the bus as a garbage can? Man, I sure would hate to see your apart­ment.

–M15 bus

Some­times You Just Wan­na Pinch Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what’s so cute, is Eu­rope.

–Mott & Prince

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Col­lege girl to friend: And I’m like “No, you can’t chew on the couch. You can’t have couch for break­fast.” (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Down­town 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h‑h my gawd, girl, you don’t even know! And then he goes “Damn, girl you in Delta Gam­ma? Noth­ing goes down faster than an an­chor!” And then I was just like “Shut up!” but I did it any­ways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Man on cell pick­ing through garbage can and walk­ing away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Hon­est­ly, the things peo­ple throw away!

–118th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Gay guy march­ing in protest to an­oth­er: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I at­tend­ed.

–63rd St & Broad­way