Archive for the ‘Gay Man's Best Friend’ Category

Wednes­day’s Gonna Have a Lit­tle One-Lin­er

An­gry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your ir­ra­tional preg­nan­cy!

–Grand Cen­tral

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abor­tion? I mean, I’m not even preg­nant!

–TGI Fri­days

Over­heard by: Sara

Gig­gling chick: When you get preg­nant, the on­ly things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard to friend: I don’t think I’m preg­nant. There’s no way I can be preg­nant, be­cause I was on­ly hav­ing light sex.

–Du­ane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: jmike

Hap­py la­dy on cell: Guess what?! I’m preg­nant! Yes, with a ba­by this time!

–96th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kind of Con­fused

20-some­thing chick: If I get preg­nant, I am so su­ing Fresh Di­rect.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

There Are No Small Wednes­days– On­ly Small One-Lin­ers.

Girl on cell, de­fi­ant­ly: Lis­ten, I can keep my midget in your clos­et when­ev­er I damn please!

–72nd & Colum­bus

Man hand­ing out cards to ran­dom passers-by: They have midget strip­pers, bud­dy, and you can bring your gui­tar!

–42nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can’t call your­self a grown man if you sit down and your feet dan­gle off the chair.

–Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret

Over­heard by: Emm

Black guy push­ing cart: Man, I miss my two-head­ed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an an­gry lit­tle munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: TheMac

Com­mut­ing Can Be a Re­al Zoo

Con­duc­tor: Tick­ets, please. Oh, wow, is that a par­rot?
La­dy with par­rot on her shoul­der: Yes, it is. I take him out every moth­er’s day to see my par­ents. He’s on a leash, though, and won’t make any noise.
Con­duc­tor: Okay, no prob­lem. There’s ac­tu­al­ly a cat in the next car and a dog in the one af­ter that.
Par­rot la­dy’s kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One an­i­mal per car!
Con­duc­tor, dead­pan: I’ve got bad news for you, kid–there’s more an­i­mals on this car than just that par­rot.
Ca­su­al ob­serv­er, not look­ing up from his pa­per: Truer words have nev­er been spo­ken.

–Metro North

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Cen­ter Of a Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Chick on cell: It’s all about the eye­ball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: aenig­ma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Hous­ton St

Over­heard by: Dave‑o

Teen girl to friends: He’s so gross! Se­ri­ous­ly, I’d rather lick my cat’s ass­hole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & No­ble, Bay­side

Guy at bar to friend: I can’t be­lieve you mar­ried a woman who won’t lick your ass­hole.

–Ale House, Mac­Dou­gal St

Ran­dom woman: Why do you al­ways in­sist on lick­ing my el­bow?

–86th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Jana