Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard—yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant—like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.
–Starbucks
Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!
–West 4th St Station
Overheard by: DS
30-something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.
–Miracle Grill
Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos
Latina to male stranger: I’m bi, my homegirl bi, my sister bi. My other sister kissed a girl…
Girl nearby: My mom bi.
Guy: But I’m not. I’m gay.
–Bus
Overheard by: needs a car
Girl #1: My boyfriend totally has better taste in guys than I do.
Girl #2: Totally.
–Fordham University
Queer #1: The thing about sexuality is…
Queer #2: No! Were you gay when you were a prostitute?
–3rd St & 7th Ave
Girl: Oh! Did I tell you? Karen* had an orgasm from anal!
Queer: You guys can can do that too?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Sean, not queer but not straight
Guy: If I’m going to swallow sperm it has to be for love. That’s just how I feel, man.
–Outside the Wintergarden Theater
Overheard by: Dawn-Kate
Club-hopper: I don’t like that bar. But it’s a good scene if you want a 700-pound gay Republican sitting on your face.
–Typhoon, 18th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot.
–W Train
Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: hmmm…
Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!
–2 Train
Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.
–NJ Transit
Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.
–Court St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”
–Chambers & Greenwich
Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
