Girl: Have you seen the new Gucci collection?
Gay friend: Can you believe they're starting to make Gucci clothes for babies? Can you imagine, like, a crocodile onesie?
(friend laughs)
–Times Square
Overheard by: Franfresca P
Archive for the ‘Gays and Lesbians’ Category
What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?
Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Tess
Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!
–45th & 9th
Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…
–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens
Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!
–R Train
Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll
He Acts Like He Doesn’t Enjoy the Sex with the Men
Woman: Your brother’s an actor? That’s so nice.
Man: Yeah, he’s really good. It’s a great play.
Woman: What’s the role?
Man: He plays this gay man who faces his own death.
Woman: Awww…
Man: But, I mean, he’s no faggot or anything. My brother’s just a really good actor.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd Avenue
Complimenting My Genitals Does Nothing to Contradict My Argument
Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Matthew
Mrs. Newton Discovers the Gravity of the Situation
Guy, about article on divorced lesbians: They are coming out all over.
Lady: It’s gotten so you are afraid to sit under a tree.
–Elevator, 1250 Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners Worry That Trucker Hats May Be Out
Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.
–E Train
Overheard by: dru
Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.
–N 6th St, Williamsburg
Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!
–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint
Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…
–Central Park
Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!
–Union Hall
Overheard by: Cass
Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
And They Don’t Tell You ’til the Third Date
NYU bimbette #1: I swear, everyone at NYU is gay.
NYU bimbette #2: Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
NYU bimbette #1: No, I mean, like, everybody — like 40 percent.
–Veselka, 9th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bean
Sex With Two Gay Men Sure Won’t Cause Sanity
Queer #1: So how is that girlfriend of yours?
Queer #2: What girlfriend?
Queer #1: You know, the one we had the threesome with.
Queer #2: Oh yeah, Constance…oh, she’s crazy.
–Greenwich & Gansevoort
Happens Sophomore Year for Most, But It’s Never Too Late
92-year-old mother-in-law: It’s a two girl wedding?
Daughter-in-law, passing by second reception hall: Yes, two women are having a wedding reception, they got married.
Mother in law, as she studies the two women: Well, that one [Points.] isn’t so bad. she could have gotten a man.
Daughter-in-law: She didn’t want a man. she’s attracted to women.
Mother in law: I never had a chance to try that.
[Then proceeds back and forth to the bathroom several times during reception, to check.]
–Wedding Reception, Essex House
Overheard by: bridesmaid
Omagah, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!
Gay man with a completely serious tone: It is going to take a lot of brownie mix and a lot of sex -but I am committed.
–W 52nd & 9th
Overheard by: I wish I knew what they were speaking about
Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I gotta go. I have a meeting in a little bit and I want to masturbate first.
–Wagner College Dinning Hall
Queer: Anyone can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an exit.
–Christopher Street
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Queer: And then I was so glad I miscarried because getting knocked up and being pregnant is like, such a hassle!
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: bitterfame
Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out because a couple of bitchy fags sprayed you with alcohol?
–23rd & 7th
Black queer: My pillow is Gucci! Raaaaaah! [He beings to attack people with said Gucci pillow.]
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Lillian
Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was really great meeting you all. You are such an interesting group of people. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo!
–Hollywood Diner, 17th St & 6th Ave