Archive for the ‘Gays and Lesbians’ Category

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers are Part of New York City… Tech­ni­cal­ly

Hip­ster girl: ‘Flush­ing Queens’ would be a great name for a man.

–Barnard Col­lege

Over­heard by: Beau­ti­ful Barnard Woman

Drunk dude watch­ing girl rip the shirt off a guy: What, no blood? Queens is lame.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Boyfriend to girl­friend: Pre­pare to be blown away by the majesty of Queens!

–E train plat­form, Penn Sta­tion

Con­duc­tor: This is a Queens-bound A train.

–Brook­lyn-bound A train

Over­heard by: Mag­gie

Con­duc­tor: This is a Queens-bound… No, Man­hat­tan-bound… No, Queens… Wait, hang on. This is a Man­hat­tan-bound E train. Next stop: 53rd and Lex… Shit.

–Man­hat­tan-bound E train, 53rd & Lex

An­nounce­ment over the sub­way: This is not the Queens-bound E train. [Half the train emp­ties] This is the Queens-bound E train.

–E train, Penn Sta­tion

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Is This Thing On?”

PA sys­tem: Leia, please meet your par­ty at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your par­ty at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Be­yond, 18th & 6th

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

An­nounc­er over loud­speak­er: The time is now one am o’­clock!

–Bag­gage Claim, JFK

Over­heard by: Kim­mie

Loud­speak­er an­nounce­ment: At­ten­tion, all late night shop­pers, this is a live an­nounce­ment. I re­peat, this is not a record­ing! Right now, in our deli de­part­ment, ful­ly-cooked chick­ens! Come on over and get your chick­ens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morn­ing!

–Path­mark, Cropsey Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

An­nounce­ment over loud­speak­er dur­ing class: Hel­lo, I’m sor­ry for the in­ter­rup­tion. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go out­side, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loud­speak­er: Good af­ter­noon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag foot­ball” will meet in the cafe­te­ria im­me­di­ate­ly fol­low­ing ad­vi­so­ry.

–East Side Com­mu­ni­ty High School