Guy: If I’m going to swallow sperm it has to be for love. That’s just how I feel, man.
–Outside the Wintergarden Theater
Overheard by: Dawn-Kate
Club-hopper: I don’t like that bar. But it’s a good scene if you want a 700-pound gay Republican sitting on your face.
–Typhoon, 18th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot.
–W Train
Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: hmmm…
Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!
–2 Train
Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.
–NJ Transit
Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.
–Court St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”
–Chambers & Greenwich
Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy
Girl: I’m, like, the token one. I’m the only lesbo there!
–West 4th and 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jamie
Queer: New York is a gay-Jewish city; of course everybody complains!
–6 train
Overheard by: Secondhand Nose
Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.
–Grand Central
Cocktail waitress #1: Wait… isn’t he gay?
Cocktail waitress #2: No, he’s married.
Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness.
–Thom Bar
Guy #1: And I don’t want to be gay about it, but it was love at first sight.
Guy #2: Dude, that’s pretty gay.
Guy #1: Yeah, it is rather gay.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Heather
Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Jared
Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: tin steve
Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…
–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square
Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.
–2 train, 72nd St
Overheard by: Brett
Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.
–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx
Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.
–Hoboken PATH Station
Overheard by: Seph
Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Guy #1: I never should have done this show.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: I’m totally in musical theater fag Hell.
–22nd & 8th
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
