Woman: Where is the men section?
Employee: This is the men section.
Woman: Oh, wow!
–Express For Him
Overheard by: Express
Archive for the ‘Gender issues’ Category
Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners
Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I’m a man, goddammit!
–Starbucks
Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?
–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road
Overheard by: Erica S
Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat!
–M100 Bus
Overheard by: Tinathetiny
Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken Paprocki
You Have to Pass Asshole 101 to Get Into All Your Girlfriend’s Friends
High school girl #1: I think they give them a class on it.
High school girl #2: Called what? How to be a complete asshole and sleep with all of your girlfriend’s friends?
–Dalton School, Upper East Side
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
It’s Barney’s, Not Pennsylvania
Hipster dude: Do you guys carry any men’s shoes?
Salesgirl: Yes, they’re on the wall behind you.
Hipster dude: Do you have any straight guy shoes?
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
Regular Wednesday One-Liners
Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?
–Subway
Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.
–44th & 3rd
Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: a girl who poops
Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.
–Restroom, Hunter College
Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.
–NYU Stern Building
Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: KeeZ
Which Some of the Barnard Girls Fail to Pass
Columbia boy: That’s the library, right?
Barnard girl: Yeah, but it’s just for girls. They do a muff-check at the door.
–Barnard College
Wasn’t That a Cherry Poppin’ Daddies Song?
Bodega guy to old Dominican guy: What’s up, sister?
Old Dominican guy: I got your sister swinging!
–Throop & Vernon
Overheard by: johnny
Today, Wednesday One-Liner Is a Woman.
Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my period this morning, and I just wanna get high.
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Overheard by: 447ght
Customer, buying two packs of Kotex: Next time you order these, you should get the kind with deodorant. It really makes a difference!
–112th St & St. Nicholas
Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: allie
Girl #1: I once made a Nativity from feminine products. (awkward silence) They weren’t used, though…
–Barnard
Overheard by: Brooklyn
Like a Celibate Priest With a Huge Dick
Tipsy attractive Asian lesbian to girlfriend: Oh, well. Actually, I just learned how to deep throat in December… Pretty awesome, once you get it down.
Tipsy, equally attractive girlfriend: My last girlfriend said she used to do it, too! Wow, men must hate me.
–Uptown 1 Train
