Archive for the ‘Gender issues’ Category

Is It Even Legal to Turn Down Catherine Zeta Jones?

Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: (gasp) All I know is (gasp) that I would fuck the shit out of her.
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: (silence)
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Are you honestly saying (gasp) you wouldn’t fuck the shit out of her?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: If she was a man…
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Fuck that shit! (gasp) I’m not hearing that.

–Subway Stop, 168th & Broadway

Overheard by: I Would 2

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I’m a man, goddammit!

–Starbucks

Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?

–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road

Overheard by: Erica S

Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat!

–M100 Bus

Overheard by: Tinathetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken Paprocki

The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!

–Tompkins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)

–D Train

Overheard by: seat changer

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.

–W 23rd Street

Overheard by: Cool and Dry

Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!

–Hester & Allen

Overheard by: lower east side