Archive for the ‘Getting Off’ Category

Say, Aren’t You My Con­gress­man?

Old­er man: Hey, can I ask you about that dig­i­tal cam­era you have?
20-some­thing guy: Yeah, sure. Think­ing of buy­ing one for your kid or some­one?
Old­er man: When you take pic­tures on that thing, do you have to bring it to the pho­to store still to get de­vel­oped?
20-some­thing guy: Oh, no. I mean, you can and they can do it for you, but I usu­al­ly just print–
Old­er man: –You can print them at home, right? Okay, good, be­cause I some­times take per­son­al pic­tures, and I hes­i­tate to bring them to the pho­to store. Do­ing it in pri­vate would be bet­ter for me. Now, I can delete them or save them in a se­cret hid­ing place at home too… Right?
20-some­thing guy: … Uh, I sup­pose.

–6 train, Union Square

Over­heard by: Mat­ty K

The Old­est Wednes­day One-lin­ers Pro­fes­sion

Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nig­ger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nig­ger whores, even some white whores. That’s the on­ly way I can get off now.

–Da An­drea, Hud­son Street

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Know What You Like

Girl on cell: Yeah, ba­by, I’m all alone in my apart­ment on my bed. I’m tak­ing my panties off now. Mmm, I’m touch­ing my­self, think­ing of you. I’m all wet for you, ba­by.

–out­side Star­bucks, 54th & Broad­way

Suit on cell: Yes, I’m wear­ing sus­penders.

–Wall & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Alex­is