Guy: I adore this cup so much I’m gonna make love to it.
Chick: You really are a sick bastard.
–68th & West End
Archive for the ‘Getting Off’ Category
We All Came on Our Birthdays
Black chick #1: You know what’s the funniest birthday card I ever read?
Black chick #2: What?
Black chick #1: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, happy birthday to you, I hope you bust a nut.”
Black chick #2: Yeah, on your birthday you gotta cum.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Turby
Christian Recruitment Takes a New Tack
Latina: He could just touch a spot and get you off.
Latino: Jesus could get you off just thinkin’ about you.
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
… Mom
Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sloane
She Will Not Leave Her Wingman
Preppy girl #1: Eek! No humping. Stop!
Preppy girl #2, pressing her thighs against #1: Not even side humping?
Preppy girl #1: No, not here… [Winks.]
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: A Queens Librarian/ Rockstar
Or, You Know, Whatever
Dude #1: You got laid last night, so shut up. Although I never saw her, so I don’t know what she looked like.
Dude #2: Neither do I…
Dude #1: Yeah, I thought about staying up and waiting just to get a look at her.
–17th & Irving
Overheard by: B‑Round
Instructor: Sometimes I Tell Them They’re Doing It Wrong So I Can Touch Them
Sweaty girl #1: Sometimes I do the poses just a little bit wrong so the instructors will correct me.
Sweaty girl #2: Oh, I know! I’m not a lesbian, but I would let today’s instructor touch me all over!
–Yoga to the People, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Cooper C
Engorged and Tingling Wednesday One-Liners
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
Lucky the Conservancy’s Hot Guy Squad Roams the Park
Chick: My worst nightmare would be if I passed out drunk in the park and woke up to somebody fingering me.
Hoochie friend: Actually, that doesn’t seem that bad… How about if the guy is hot?
Girl: Well, I guess it’s not really that bad after all…
–A train platform, 14th St
Overheard by: On Platform
Right Now I’m Just Using a Carrot As a Placeholder
Chick: Oh, that’s cute — you’ve got a long distance girlfriend? Do you have a lot of phone or web sex?
Dude: Uh, no. We’re not really into that.
Chick: Oh, I know what you mean. I gotta have a dick in me for sure.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Chuckles
