Archive for the ‘Getting Off’ Category

He’s Beg­ging for Spon­ta­neous Com­bus­tion

Guy #1: Yo, she want me to give her a kid, son. She on­ly 28. I’m like, you don’t need no kid when you 28. Just start in your thir­ties and have ’em back to back to back.
Girl: You make it sound pret­ty easy to have kids back to back. That’s hard on a woman.
Guy #1: And she ain’t the on­ly one. Lots of girls want me to give them kids.
Girl: Your sperm is in high de­mand.
Guy #2: What do you want, man? You’re a good-look­ing guy.
Guy #1: I know. I’m hot. But some­times it feels like a curse to be this hot.

–4 train

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Are Ready for Valen­tine’s

Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this week­end, and got a hand­job from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a hand­job. With the oth­er one…I start­ed laugh­ing when she start­ed giv­ing me a hand­job, be­cause, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was re­al hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the oth­er one…The other…Yeah.

–Metro-North train

Over­heard by: rDave

“Well, I’m 8, ba­by.”

HS girl: I did­n’t want to lis­ten to my dad ex­plain sex to my mom.
HS boy: Why would your dad ex­plain sex to your mom?
HS girl: Be­cause my broth­er asked what the song, “Come my la­dy, come, come my la­dy” meant. And mom did­n’t know.
HS boy: What does that song have to do with sex?
HS girl: You don’t know? You’re the on­ly per­son in the world who does­n’t know.
HS boy: Your broth­er did­n’t know.
HS girl: My broth­er is 7.

–M104 bus

Over­heard by: Su­san El­liott