Guy behind line of girls into the women’s bathroom: Whoa!
Girl: Hey! You can’t come in here!
Guy: It’s okay, I’m Swedish – I’m practically gay.
–Madison Square Garden
Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category
Educated Wednesday One-liners
Man: I’m, like, the MacGyver of orthoscopic surgery.
–David Copperfield’s, York Avenue
Girl: I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone back to school. I’d probably be dead or in jail or pregnant and living in Brooklyn or something.
–F train
Overheard by: Heather
Goth guy on cell: You can’t divide by infinity! Infinity is a concept, not a number! How many times do I have to tell you that?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Lesley Brooke
Fat lady: I was Rubenesque before I was fat.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Dawn
Have You Forgetten Isadora Duncan?
Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it’s pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won’t be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.
–167th St
When I Finally Have Sex, I’d Like It to Be with a Woman Who’s All Three
Chick: So, explain the difference to me.
Guy: ‘Cute’ is, like, the girl next door, ‘hot’ is, like, ‘I want to take her home right now!’ and ‘beautiful’ is, like, classic.
Chick: So, can a woman be all three?
Guy: In very rare situations…
–7th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Wouldn’t That Be Statuary Rape?
Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.
–The Met
The Way He Keeps Drop-Kicking My Emotions…
Nerdy chick: Yeah, but when it comes to in-tangible objects, he’s really irresponsible.
–Fort Tryon Park
Quite the Fucking Contrary
Angsty chick: I’m so tired of fucking… chicken broccoli bake.
Chill gal pal: Fucking? Sex on the mind?
Angsty chick: I’m not going to change my vocabulary just because I had an experience!
–6 train
Overheard by: i hope you read this
Well, Those Are the Two Options
Chick: So, you’re working here now?
Barista guy: Well, had they taught me karate from a young age like they were supposed to I would be fighting shoguns in Japan right now.
–Park Slope coffee shop
Overheard by: kendell chambers
Thus Restoring the Natural Balance of the Universe
Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That’s okay, I’m a nun!
–9th & Broadway
With Benefits
Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He’s not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
