Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on blue­tooth head­set: You want every­one to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want every­one to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Alexan­dra

Twelve-year-old gui­do, near tears, dou­bled over in the street scream­ing on his cell phone: You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brook­lyn

20 some­thing blonde on cell: … Is that nor­mal? [Pause.] No, it’s dif­fer­ent every time, like it al­most dis­ap­pears… Then an­oth­er time its all swing­ing and shit… Is that nor­mal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mum­bles.]

–LIRR

Man­ag­er to em­ploy­ee: You are a cock guz­zling thun­der­cunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blow­ing him in Mo­Ma, I re­al­ly don’t know how to get his at­ten­tion.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Why Mo­Ma?

Of Mice and Mo­rons

Eighth-grade girl #1: Man, that Of Mice and Men book was weird.
Eighth-grade girl #2: I know, huh? And why was it called that, any­way? All they talk about is rab­bits. No mice.
Eighth-grade girl #1: Dude, re­al­ly! Why did­n’t that guy call it Of Rab­bits and Men?
Eighth-grade girl #2: I guess be­cause mice al­so starts with M.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Sha­la­mar

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are An­oth­er Year Old­er but None the Wis­er

20-some­thing: I did­n’t even re­al­ize it was my birth­day un­til I checked Face­book!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: mtraine­ti­quette

Girl to friend: We should cel­e­brate tonight–it’s my half birth­day in 10 days.

–Croc­o­dile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See no­body is wear­ing birth­day scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you re­al­ly be­lieve I was go­ing to get you a Hel­lo Kit­ty vi­bra­tor for your birth­day?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birth­day! You should be giv­ing *me* mon­ey!

–111 & Broad­way

And He Al­ways Ex­plodes Too Soon

Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can’t go out with him.
Friend: Wait — what’s wrong with him shav­ing his head?
Cute blonde: Well, noth­ing in the­o­ry, but now he looks like a ter­ror­ist.

–116th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: up­town girl

Head­line by: Sarah K

Run­ners-Up:
· “…Or Ghan­di, Whichev­er.” — John­ny
· “And He Wants Me to Call Him Brit­ney in Bed” — Sim Etrias
· “And the An­thrax in His Apart­ment Is No Pic­nic Ei­ther” — Naked Lunch
· “Oh, Whew… I Thought You Said, “tourist”” — Rhadaman­thus
· “Plus, I Would­n’t Qual­i­fy As One Of His 72 Vir­gins” — Mar­i­oRPG
· “Racial Pro­fil­ing Is So Hot Right Now” — Fran

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