Girl #1: I want to get pregnant in March. Let’s get pregnant in march.
Girl #2: Wait, where are we now?
Girl #1: My uterus is ready.
Girl #2: I had a full checkup, and my uteri are great.
Girl #1: Oh my god, you have two uteruses? You are awesome! You have utters. You have yoo-utters!
Girl #2: Yeah, I have three breasts.
–Cafe near Columbia
Overheard by: DL
[Man enters train.]Man: Damn! I have jury duty today…
Random girl: Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry. But hey, it could be worse.
Man: Yeah, it could be worse, I could be on trial.
–R Train
Four-year-old girl reading tag on the platform: B‑A-C-K-F-A‑T!
Supportive dad: Yeah, honey! That spells ‘back fat’!
–Ft. Hamilton Pkwy station
Overheard by: howardbannister
Girl #1: I don’t think I can go down on him anymore. He’s got, like, BO down there.
Girl #2: What, like, funky?
Girl #1: No… like he never learned to wipe properly.
Girl #2: [Stunned silence.]Girl #1: I know.
–B train
Blonde: Yo, is vodka kosher?
Jewish girl: Yes.
Blonde: Okay, good, now we can go out to dinner together.
–FIT
Overheard by: Rina
Girl: I had a wonderful childhood. (looks at photos of a child)
Boy: Yeah? I fuckin’ had to listen to Tim Curry narrating nursery rhymes… That’s terrifying.
–Pier 92
Chick: You know, even though I’m 22, every time I go out, when I’m home my mom still waits up for me.
Random guy: No, she doesn’t.
–6 Train
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I’m afraid of the power of my own vagina.
–1 Train
Overheard by: westchester girl
Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom’s vagina.
–New York Harbor
Overheard by: Barry P.
Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Highstein
Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Very large black man: My penis’ jus’ as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)
–A Train
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There’s no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Creeped out.
Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Katie
Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagina Whisperer.”
–Moe’s Bar. Brooklyn
Guy hitting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do something weird… I’ll pour honey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I’ll pour butter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the butter off your back with it!
–1 Train
Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beautiful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.
–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
