Drunk girl to random sober guy: Bacon! My hands are like bacon!
Sober guy: What are you, drunk?
Drunk girl: Just very, very, very hungry.
Sober guy: Proceed.
–NYU
Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category
Queequeg the Tampooner Thought Otherwise
Roomie #1: Why is this non-slip grip on the new tampon ads such a big deal? When do I really need some super non-slip grip sport tampon?
Roomie #2: You know, when you’re under water.
Roomie #1: Under water?! I am not the Little Mermaid!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: a confused roomate #3
Yeah, but Jesus Loves Everyone
College girl #1: He loves you.
College girl #2: Don’t say that!
College girl #1: Why not?
College girl #2: Because I have horrible self-esteem!
–7 train
Overheard by: Phillip Roncoroni
I'm Sorry for Your Pain– Just Remember It's Not My Fault
Guy to whispering girl: What?
Girl #1: You don't wanna know.
Guy: Yeah, I do.
Girl #2: No, you don't.
Guy: I don't! Why do you whisper? Include me! I wanna know!
Girl #1: Fine. I'll tell you. (loudly) My uterus hurts!
–63rd Drive, Queens
Overheard by: Therese
Can't Talk. Defecating.
Girl #1 in a rush, slamming door and almost hitting other girls: Oh my god, I'm so sorry!
Girl #2: It's okay…
Girl #3, sarcastically: Oh yeah, it's totally okay. Actually, why don't you open the door harder next time?
–Restroom, 54th St & Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: Ilikecandy
Less Pussy, More Bitchy
Dude: Is this a petting zoo sort of thing?
Chick: No. It’s a dog park sort of thing.
–Union Square dog park
Overheard by: tanechka
And Willing to Share Her Meth
Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.
–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: ebizzle
Maybe We Should Start Numbering the Ceilings Instead
Chick: Why is level two on the third floor? Why isn’t there a ‘Floor Two’?
Guy: I dunno, hon.
Chick: Isn’t that weird, though?
Guy, as elevator goes up halfway: I think this is the second floor. It’s a secret level.
–AirTrain elevator, JFK
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Next Stop: Put in Your Place Street
Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more people can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surfing.
Girl #1: It just sucks being squeezed in like this. Especially when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are going to do.
Girl #1: –and people won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t understand that you have to get off. This time I’m going to be like, “Bitches, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just trying to find one thing about this that doesn’t suck and I’ve got nothing.
Guy: Me either.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so annoying to be forced to be so close to so many people in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is really annoying, especially when you are forced to hear someone else’s conversation.
Guy: Whoa! What timing.
–L train
You Should See Where She Keeps Her Cell Phone
Drunk girl #1: Yo, I have coke in my boob.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, right, you so don’t. [Drunk girl #1 shows boob] Holy shit, you do!
–Brooklyn-bound 2 train
Overheard by: horny