Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He’s not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category
Like the Pilgrims Used to Do with the Indians
Ditzy girl #1: It’s so weird. You can actually have arguments on Facebook.
Ditzy girl #2: Yeah! You can follow people’s arguments on wall-to-wall.
Ditzy girl #3: That’s so stupid. Why go to all that trouble when you can just pick up your phone and send them a text?
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: sam
Girls Licking Girls Seems More Like Strawberry
Chick #1: I’ve become so vanilla.
Chick #2: You’re not! You’re not vanilla!
Chick #1: I so am. Lick me and you’ll get diabetes.
–Bloomingdale’s
Overheard by: djlindee
What Day Do We Post Wednesday One-Liners?
Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Nora
Hot dog vendor: To go?
–Hot Dog Stand, 62nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Chrissy
Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?
–Dunkin Donuts, 76th & York
Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?
–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50th St
Overheard by: Dianora
20-something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?
–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park
Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn’t it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn’t food?
–W 114th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?
–Uptown 1 Train
I’ve Never Been More Proud.
Angry 20-something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he’s been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused-looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20-something girl (cutting him off): Don’t fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused-looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don’t know.
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Krystal
Yet They Won’t Have Useless Diplomas
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family
Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.
–Columbia University
Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!
–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Kayla K
Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
Wednesday One-Liners. (Allegedly)
Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I’m like “you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!”
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you’re going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you’re done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I’d have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
“…What about in the Southern Hemisphere?’
Chick: Oh my god, my hair is so dark!
Stylist guy: Does it look fake?
Chick: No, I just didn’t know it would be this dark.
Stylist guy: Well, it will look lighter when your hair dries.
Chick: Really?
–Ibiza Hair Salon, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Kenzi
Are You Listening, “Xtina”?
Girl: You have got to go inside and tell my boyfriend not to get the nose ring. A real one’s OK, but a fake is just stupid.
–St. Mark’s Place
