Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category

Ten Bucks Says He Asks Her Out Be­fore They Get to Their Floor

Ug­ly guy: Yeah, we broke up be­cause it just did­n’t work out be­tween us. We had too many dif­fer­ences.
Pret­ty girl: I’m sor­ry to hear that. How long has it been?
Ug­ly guy: Years, so I’m over it. Well, we were swingers so it got com­pli­cat­ed. Well, — I was a swinger. She was­n’t.
Pret­ty girl: Um­mm… (stares at wall) Great el­e­va­tor con­ver­sa­tion!

–El­e­va­tor, Vi­a­com Build­ing, 44th & Broad­way

Are Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fun­ny Ha-Ha, or Fun­ny-Pe­cu­liar?

Guy eat­ing pan­cakes: Every­thing’s fun­ny in ret­ro­spect, like the time I got that screw­driv­er stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brook­lyn

An­cient Greek civ­i­liza­tion pro­fes­sor: A sex­u­al act, in some sense, for an ob­serv­er is fun­ny.

–Hunter Col­lege

Crazy la­dy: All the pros­ti­tutes need to be round­ed up and stuck in church­es! (teen girl laughs) You think that’s fun­ny? It’s not gonna be fun­ny when you are in a hos­pi­tal ad­dict­ed to crack!

–Wa­ter St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Would­n’t it be fun­ny if hu­man be­ings could on­ly walk for­ward and back­wards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

La­dy sit­ting with girl­friends: It’s fun­ny be­cause I’m preg­nant, and he does­n’t know.

–Star­bucks

Drunk­en Jets fan to friends in Jets jer­seys: That’s not fun­ny. You want to see some­thing fun­ny? (grabs wood­en sign­post, slams fore­head in­to it) That’s fun­ny!

–W 4th & Bar­row

Over­heard by: ji­ra mon­key

I Bet She Had Some ‘Splain­ing to Do

Co­lum­bia guy: So then Car­o­line* de­cid­ed to take all of his valu­ables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Co­lum­bia chick: That’s hi­lar­i­ous!

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ein La­dle

Head­line by: Mikey G.

Run­ners-Up:
· “And Af­ter He Killed Her, He Pre­tend­ed to Do CPR!” — Je­sus­F­reak
· “And She Did­n’t Check the Psy­cho Box on Match.com” — di­grun­tled in­ter­net dater
· “He Did­n’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Sur­prise Birth­day Par­ty Ei­ther…” — Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kid­ding Your Place Was­n’t Robbed Sex” Was Awe­some, Too.” — anon­mouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Mas­culin­i­ty” on In­sur­ance Claim Forms” — Jamie

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