Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category

Wel­come to the Wednes­day One-Lin­er Po­si­tion­ing Sys­tem

Girl on cell, look­ing for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m di­rect­ly un­der it right now.

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a dis­turb­ing men­tal im­age. Yeah, ex­act­ly. Riv­er full of ham­sters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: That would be tru­ly ter­ri­fy­ing.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the down­town side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the cor­ner of fuckin’ some­thin’ an some­thin’.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the cor­ner of Charles Street and moth­er­fuck­ing I don’t know!

–West Vil­lage

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Av­enue.

–G Train

You May Need to Ex­fo­li­ate and Mois­tur­ize

Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dan­druff. I need to like get rid of it be­cause I can nev­er wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Ex­cept I have crotch dan­druff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snow­ing.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?

“What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­er)”

Girl to teenage posse: Ei­ther the pen was re­al­ly weak or his butt was re­al­ly strong.

–Jack­son Heights, Queens

Over­heard by: News­bun­ny does­n’t want to know

Crazy guy to self, af­ter av­er­age woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I’d eat a sand­wich out that ass!

–36th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Din­gle­ber­ry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt mag­a­zines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It’s like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Old­er woman to younger woman: If your booty de­serves the cred­it, give it the cred­it!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Cred­it!

Dart­mouth Girls

Girl #1: Damn… It smells like a fart.
Girl #2: Yeah, I did­n’t say any­thing ’cause I thought it might have been you… [Af­ter long pause] So, it was you, was­n’t it?
Girl #1: Fuck yeah!

–Fame Din­er

Over­heard by: Ms. Haz­ard

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Up the Wa­zoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That’s a lot of cook­ies. If I had that many cook­ies, I’d put a cou­ple of them in my ass. (pause). It does­n’t mat­ter, I’ve got the space. I can’t eat that many cook­ies.

–23rd & Lex­ing­ton

Teen girl to teen boy: Un­less you want a 9 mil­lime­ter stuck up your ass­hole.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl on cell: Well, it’s still rec­tal.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

20-some­thing girl to 20-some­thing guy, quite loud­ly: Yeah, but putting a met­al spike up his ass was­n’t ex­act­ly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Jar Aaron

20-some­thing woman: Ba­by, I think we’re go­ing to keep the Thanks­giv­ing din­ner out of my ass­hole.

–Herkimer St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: M. Fresh