Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category

Of Course, I Missed Like Every Sci­ence Class Ever

Hip­ster girl: Gosh, I’m like Pavlov’s dog!
Guy: What the hell is that?
Hip­ster girl: You don’t know? They teach it in, like, every sci­ence class ever!
Guy: So, what is it?
Hip­ster girl: It has some­thing to do with bells and drool, I’m not re­al­ly sure.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Tres Chic

Your El­e­va­tor Will Be Sep­a­rate, but Equal

Chick (walk­ing in el­e­va­tor and look­ing at oth­ers): Sor­ry for star­ing, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we’re all re­lat­ed.
Chick: Re­al­ly?
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don’t wor­ry, we’ll be nice to you when we take over.

–El­e­va­tor, Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal

The Kind Of Thing We’ve Come to Ex­pect from Blondie.

Blonde in con­vert­ible: Hey, cutie!
Suit: (turns around briefly, keeps walk­ing)
Blonde: Hey! With the nice ass, we were talk­ing to you!
Suit, walk­ing back to con­vert­ible: Yes?
Blonde: My friend here thinks you’re cute and wants your num­ber.
Suit: Uh… I’m flat­tered, but I have a fi­ancee, so I’ll pass.
Brunette dri­ver: I did­n’t ask if you were sin­gle, I said you had a nice ass and I want your num­ber.
Suit: Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette: How about I give you mine?
Blonde: You know, for when the mar­riage does­n’t work out.
Suit: Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.

–3rd Ave & 46th St

She To­tal­ly Got Sodom­ized by the Hulk

Girl: I talked to Jack­ie. She got some kind of bug in In­dia!
Guy: Oh, no! What hap­pened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: What­ev­er, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shit­ting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laugh­ing, that is not fun­ny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doc­tor asked her to bring in a stool sam­ple and she was shit­ting so much that she brought one in a half hour lat­er. The doc­tors were like, “What the fuck?”.

–Union Square Re­gal Cin­e­mas

And It’ll Be a Lot More Fun Now That I Can Ac­tu­al­ly Hold My Liquor!

Girl #1: Re­al New York­ers hate LA. I’m sure I’d hate it if I had to live there.
Girl #2: Yeah, la’s ter­ri­ble. I would­n’t mind liv­ing in San Fran­cis­co, though, be­cause I was bap­tized there.
Girl #3: I don’t know, LA’s kind of fun for like a year.
Girl #1: When did you live there?
Girl #3: Third grade.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: bun­bury

Prob­a­bly Best to Have Your Cof­fee at Work

Chick #1: What were you do­ing and why were you walk­ing so hard?
Chick #2: The el­e­va­tor man kept go­ing up and down and missed my stop, and I re­al­ly had to pee, so I had to rush to this floor and use the bath­room. I’ve been hold­ing it since Brook­lyn, and I peed on my­self a lit­tle. My pants are wet.
Chick #3: What?!

Chick #1 starts laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly.

Chick #2 stomps away, scream­ing: I hate you!
Chick #1: I’m not laugh­ing at you! I’m not laugh­ing at you!

–57th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bdiz­zle