Archive for the ‘Glad the Condom Broke’ Category

Looks Like Disney's Already Gotten Its Claws Into Him

Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don't touch that! Don't pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don't want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You're so lucky. Wow! A mouse.

–8th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Must not be from the village

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Wednesday One-Liners: Now with Coloring Placemat Menus

Small child in large line of kids to woman carrying first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cynthia, I can’t wait to disappear!

–Lawton St, & Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn

Boy pointing at guy dressed as Statue of Liberty: We waited this whole time just to see that?!

–Line for Statue of Liberty, Battery Park

Little girl: Daddy! I’m hard!

–Blockbuster

Overheard by: Abram

Small boy: Mommy, you sit over there next to Grandma, and I’ll sit over here next to myself.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: post-modern self-identity is a funny thing

Sobbing little boy in stroller to mother: Why can’t you just settle me dowwwn?!

–48th St & Madison

Overheard by: Micaela

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.

–American Museum of Natural History

Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!

–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island

Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!

–A Train

Overheard by: Swarles

Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Claire

Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.

–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing

Overheard by: Taylor