[On Ash Wednesday]Female pastor: Come get ashy for Jesus, no credit, bad credit, God don’t care. Come get your blessing! Free Jesus with all ash.
Daily newspaper hawker: Daily News, 50 cents, Jesus for free!
–Fordham Rd & Jerome Ave
Archive for the ‘God Squad’ Category
I Was a Music-Video Hoochie Before I Found Allah
Italian man: It seems Americans can't spell, like they don't even have command of their own language.
Muslim woman wearing a burqa: Why should anyone learn to spell when all you have to do to get ahead in this country is show some crack? …if you know what I mean.
–Tillies, Brooklyn
Before AD 1, It Was Burgers Or Nothing
Little girl: Mommy, look at the fishes!
Mother: You know where all these creatures come from?
Girl: Jesus?
Mother: You betcha.
–New York Aquarium, Coney Island
Overheard by: Swear I’m not listening…
Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man
Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!
–Broadway & Prince
Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?
–Fordham Plaza
Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?
–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone
Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.
–E Train
Overheard by: Giggling at crack
Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alfie
City Mouse Needs to Get Out More
Observant girl, pointing at something on the sidewalk: Is that an animal?
Downright perceptive guy: No. That’s a pair of pants.
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: Peter Horan
I Guess Today They’re Riding
Old black lady: Oh lord, Satan’s children are walking the streets
Goth kid: Shut the fuck up, Rosa Parks. Go sit in the back of the fucking bus!
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Metal Martyr
Um, Guys, That’s a Stoner in a Bathrobe
Orthodox man #1, seeing man walk by dressed as Jesus: Jesus! [He and his posse begin to chase Jesus.]Orthodox man #2: You are not the son of God!
–Washington Square Park
He’s Back. And This Time, He’s Fabulous!
Woman #1: How old do you think I am?
Woman #2: I don’t know…
Woman #1: I’m 46.
Woman #2: 46? Really? You look so young!
Woman #1: That’s Jesus.
–Fresco Tortilla, 52nd & 9th
Me He Just Fucks and Leaves
Missionary: Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you all!
Jewish teen: Not me, though.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jak
We Invented Jesus
Young, religious guy: Hey! Do you know Jesus?
Older guy: Of course, I'm Catholic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lily F.