Archive for the ‘Google’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yup­pie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Over­heard by: imag­inexrach

Girl on cell: Not be­ing on Face­book is ru­in­ing my life!

–NYU Bus

Over­heard by: Asian Kid

As­sis­tant on phone, about her 17-year-old daugh­ter’s My­Space page: I find it in­ter­est­ing that she and her friend Shan­non have the same friend list­ed. Some 32-year-old guy in Cal­i­for­nia named Tom!

–Of­fice on 42nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: her­space

Man: I’m go­ing to go home and e‑mail some shame­less bitch­es.

–8th St & Broad­way

Grad stu­dent at com­put­er, dole­ful­ly: With­out right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Psh, Even Queens Has Moved On

Lawyer to Lati­na sec­re­tary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, to­mor­row? Don’t make me go all Hi­ram Mon­ser­rate on you!
Lati­na sec­re­tary: Okay, I’ll do it now.
Lawyer: You don’t even know who Hi­ram Mon­ser­rate is, do you?
Lati­na sec­re­tary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don’t have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.

–Court St

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need More Band­width

Teen girl on cell: Are you kid­ding, mom? Google shapes every­one’s lives, whether they like it or not. You google every­thing.

–W 28th St

20-some­thing-girl: He has liked every sta­tus I put up since Wednes­day. I haven’t spo­ken to him in ages. I was like, “stop pee­ing all over my Face­book page!”

–42St & 2nd Ave

NYU stu­dent on cell: Hon­est­ly, that blog was the most pro­found thing I’ve ever writ­ten.

–Mer­cer & W 4th

Over­heard by: Blog­gers have depth too

40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Saman­tha, just go on Face­book and text him al­ready. (pause) Of course you can do that, every­one does it.

–Out­side Five Guys Burg­ers

A Pic­ture Speaks a Thou­sand Wednes­day One-Lin­ers.

Fa­ther to two tod­dlers walk­ing with mom­my: So your moth­er of­fered to take me to The Stan­dard for our an­niver­sary, where we’d pose naked in the win­dows for all to see. I told your mom­my I’m game… Af­ter­wards we’ll sell the pic­tures in Aus­tralia, how’s that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: geedee

Hip­ster, on be­ing mugged: So I’m in the am­bu­lance, but in­stead of feel­ing bad about it I took a pic­ture of my­self and put it on Twit­ter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude pho­tos of your­self. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mir­ror, and take pic­tures.

–23rd St

Slut­ty-look­ing hip­ster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Over­heard by: bay ridge bitch

An­noy­ing teen girl: He said “You know Limp Bizk­it? Well, this is limp dick!” And he sent me a pic­ture of his soft pe­nis and I died laugh­ing on the street!


Over­heard by: Wall­flower

Take a Wednes­day One-Lin­er. It’ll Last Longer.

Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pic­tures. He looked so good in the cof­fin…

–Gym, Westch­ester Ave

Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends to­mor­row.

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Robert

Too-cool-for-school cowork­er: You don’t know how to use your scan­ner?! Shhi­i­i­it, fool! I can teach you that! I taught my­self how to use Google Cal­en­dar to­day. I have a Mas­ter’s in pho­tog­ra­phy.


Over­heard by: mm

Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pic­tures of a plane that crashed in­to the riv­er!

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

20-some­thing girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my cam­era from the apart­ment for me be­fore you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pic­tures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.


Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are the Sound­track of Your Life

Guy to friend: Dude, I’m work­ing on a new house song right now. It’s go­ing to kick ass. It’s called “Google It”. It goes “Googleit, Googleit, Googleit…”

–Madi­son Square Park

Over­heard by: Ian

Two guys: Ladies and gen­tle­men, we are not ask­ing for any mon­ey, we just want to sing a lit­tle Linkin Park. (they pro­ceed to jump around and sing Linkin Park)

–Up­town N Train

Over­heard by: Hame­tu­ka

Hip­ster to friend: Fla­va Flav…yeah, he’s like that skin­ny guy in Lord of the Rings…you know… “my pre­cioussss…” Yeah… That’s him…just a dark­er ver­sion.

–Sub­way, Brook­lyn

Pre­teen: I won’t beat my wife! I lis­ten to Bob Mar­ley!

–E 21st St b/w 1st & 2nd

Dude (mat­ter-of-fact­ly): Crazy northerners…don’t quite un­der­stand that we’re aware of how to speak Eng­lish in the South. We just choose to say things cool­er. That’s why South­ern rap sounds so much cool­er.

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: an­oth­er mis­un­der­stood south­ern­er

Mid­dle aged tourist woman: Have you heard all of these Coun­try West­ern songs about lit­tle girls re­cent­ly? There’s like four of them, and they’re all re­al­ly good too!

–Pinkber­ry, Bleeck­er b/w Mac­Dou­gal & Sul­li­van

Over­heard by: Ja­son