Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

You’ve Been Wait­ing for an Ex­cuse to Use That One, Haven’t You?

NYU girl: I’m not sur­prised that she has mono. I mean, she’s been a slut for a while now. It was bound to catch up with her.
Friend: Yeah, she’s a re­verse juke­box.
NYU girl: A what?
Friend: You know how you put mon­ey in­to a juke­box and it makes noise? Guys put their dicks in her to make her shut the fuck up.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

And Will­ing to Share Her Meth

Guy: So, Rob slept with that trail­er trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-look­ing one. You don’t think she looks like to­tal trail­er trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trail­er trash ooz­ing out of her fuck­ing pores!
Guy: So why were you talk­ing to her half the night?
Girl: What­ev­er. She was re­al­ly nice.

–Ter­race ta­ble, Blue Wa­ter Grill, Union Square

Over­heard by: ebiz­zle

Well, That Was 20 Sec­onds of Read­ing Time We’ll Nev­er Get Back

Hot chick on cell: Yeah, no… Like, I’m pret­ty con­vinced that Patrick* is, like, to­tal­ly gay. Well, be­cause when we, like, dat­ed, he would al­ways want to go shop­ping and take, like, the longest time, like al­ways study­ing how tight jeans made his ass look. And, like, he told me how his best friend end­ed up be­ing, like, uber-gay, and like, he would al­ways say, like, ran­dom shit like, ‘Y’­know, like, peo­ple you don’t even, like, know could be gay.’ I’d be like, ‘O‑M-G — what?!’ And, like, the en­tire time we went out, we on­ly had sex, like, once, and that was when I, like, lost my vir­gin­i­ty… No, I did­n’t con­sid­er it the of­fi­cial, like, time I ac­tu­al­ly lost my V‑card be­cause he could­n’t even, like, get it up… No, we were not drunk! I’m not like that big of a slut… Or at least, I was­n’t then.

–Chelsea

Su­per­poke! Wednes­day Has Thrown a One-Lin­er at You!

Frus­trat­ed styl­ist on com­put­er: How do you spell “Google”?

–Dra­mat­ics Hair Sa­lon

Hot Asian woman: She has­n’t even post­ed her face on Face­book!

–88th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Sam H.

Teen to friend: My mom still has­n’t Face­booked me back about tak­ing care of my dog.

–Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: kayt

Soror­i­ty girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about our­selves on Juicy Cam­pus and see what oth­er peo­ple say.

–Class­room, NYU

Over­heard by: An­gela

Mid­dle-aged jan­i­tor: You’ve got to try that in­ter­net! It has every­thing!

–Mo­MA

Over­heard by: Cristi­na

Mak­ing Ex­act­ly the Same Mis­takes

Girl: Did you hear about Bar­bara Wal­ters and the af­fairs she had when she was younger? It shocked me.
Guy: Why’d it shock you? A lot of these old­er peo­ple did a lot of crazy shit when they were younger, from vi­o­lence to sex. How do you think at least 50% of us were born? And she looked kin­da good then, I’d have done ‘er.
Girl (shak­ing her head): Just about every­body is fucked up.
Guy (growl­ing and laugh­ing): Don’t groan about it, it’s na­ture ba­by. Us peo­ple to­day are just the lat­est ones on the scene.

–8th St & 6 Ave

Over­heard by: savon

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Cele­bre­tards

Young black guy to an­oth­er: You know, Oba­ma is to pol­i­tics what Richard Sim­mons is to ex­er­cise.

–PATH Train

Guy stand­ing out­side bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Cole­man?” and I’m like, “No, not like fuck­ing Gary Cole­man!”

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green on­ly had one tes­ti­cle. It’s to­tal­ly fine.

–E 11th St

Over­heard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabr­era”!

–Bed­ford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Bor­ders, Wall St

Over­heard by: step

Guy (af­ter tak­ing pic­ture with Je­re­my Piv­en): Damn! I can’t put this on My­Space. I’m wear­ing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Out­side Bar­ry­more The­atre

Over­heard by: Pasta…Salad