Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

Home Is Where You Hang Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sales­woman to cus­tomer on busy day: Some days you re­al­ly should just stay at home. You’re cranky.

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Loud black la­dy on cell: Moth­a­fuck­ah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some oth­er… [whis­pers] bitch.

–Mail room, Fi­nan­cial Dis­trict

Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on any­one else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!

–M14 bus

Over­heard by: Eye­teeth

Con­duc­tor: Jes­si­ca! Jes­si­ca! Girl, you on this train. Jes­si­ca Eliz­a­beth! I’m tak­ing you home, girl.

–6 train

Over­heard by: frida­holic

Ho­mo­sex­u­al­i­ty Is­n’t Re­al­ly Con­sid­ered a Dis­ease Any­more, Heather

Girl #1: So, I heard your sis­ter slept with an­oth­er guy last night…
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I love her, be­cause she’s, like, my sis­ter and all. But se­ri­ous­ly, she’s go­ing to get a fuck­ing dis­ease.
Girl #1: It’s re­al­ly easy to. I mean, I on­ly sleep with girls, and re­mem­ber when I got one?

–Line for Ani D. con­cert, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: tiffany.

Peo­ple Move to New York to Es­cape Their Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Man in­tro­duc­ing la­dy friend to pal: This is Lu­cille, my ex-wife… She’s my sec­ond cousin… She was al­so my sec­ond wife.

–136th St, Harlem

Mid­dle-aged woman: I have such a bad mem­o­ry! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daugh­ter, ‘How do I spell my name?’

–D train

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Loud woman on cell: She’s evil! Don’t you know she killed ma­ma? That’s the fam­i­ly se­cret!

–Q83 bus

Over­heard by: It’s Jady, BiTChesss!!

Guy talk­ing on cell: I com­plete­ly un­der­stand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sis­ter in the head with an iron!

–11th Ave

La­dy: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don’t know why… She’s such an un­grate­ful lit­tle bitch.

–Grand Cen­tral

Man on cell: … So she said, ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just gonna say it… You have a four-year-old son.’

–26th & Park

Over­heard by: Nick

Is­n’t That Why He’s With That Ho Now?

13-year-old girl #1: I can’t be­lieve he’s with that ho now.
13-year-old girl #2: It’s ’cause she just got right up in his face and spread ’em. She just spread ’em.
13-year-old girl #1: Well, yeah, I mean she’s ug­ly so she’d had to do some­thing re­al­ly ex­treme, you know?
13-year-old girl #2: Yeah, girl, she just spread ’em.
13-year-old girl #1: What­ev­er, it might have been easy but I could do all kinds of freaky things she just can’t ever do for him. She made it easy, but she ain’t a freak like me. I can do him all kinds of freaky ways that no one else can.
13-year-old girl #2: Well, I can do some freaky shit too.
13-year-old girl #1: Yeah, maybe. But not like me. I think I’m the freaki­est woman alive. I got se­crets you just can’t even imag­ine. And I’m not sharin’.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: shocked and ap­palled