Asian kid: Why did you decide to start driving now?
Middle-aged thug: I drive trucks. Now it’s just time to tell the government.
–DMV, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Archive for the ‘Government’ Category
Raise Your Hand If You Want to Buy This Dude a Beer
Tourist man to tourist wife: Look at that sign: “No honking, $350 fine.“
Sane-looking New Yorker: It’s unreal, isn’t it, how the government continues to discriminate against geese? No justice, no peace.
–5th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Richard Nixon
But You Promised to Do My Taxes!
Chick: I can’t believe you can talk about how much you love your country, and you don’t even pay taxes!
Dude: I’ve paid more taxes than you’ve sucked dick. Which is a lot.
Chick, after long pause: I don’t know why you’re walking so fast — nothing’s happening when we get to your apartment.
–4th St & the Bowery
…And, Frankly, You’re Lucky I’m Even Talking to You.
Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I’ll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you’ll get your passport back in two weeks.
–Post Office, Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Lazarus
You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Ten)
Tourist in Vancouver: “I haven’t been able to find a post-office in Vancouver. Where are they?”
Waitress: “Oh, the Canadian government sold off all the post-offices, now they just have kiosks in any pharmacy, so just go to the drug store down the street.”
Is Your Suicide Vest Too Tight, Honey?
Child: Mommy, why do we have to take off our shoes?
Mom: Because that’s the kind of irrational world we live in, where little children have to take off their shoes.
–Security line, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: jenya
Why Trade Is Our Best Hope for World Peace
History teacher: So, Jane*, why haven’t you enlisted in the US military?
Asian bimbette: Um, because you can’t shop in Iraq.
–High school, Brooklyn
The Public’s Reaction to Julia Roberts’ Performance in Charlie Wilson’s War
Woman on phone: This is completely unacceptable! You work for the United States Government, and this is completely unacceptable!
Crazy old man: Shut up, you stupid cow!
–Hudson & Charles
Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama’s going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I’m trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don’t know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: “her hair’s fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I’m sorry, she’s a fucking loser.”
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: “if lil’ wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly.”
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
“my cousin said that obama is the antichrist.”
(pause).
“that’s mad rude, right?”
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
I Plan to Eat Some Later While Watching The Lake House
Baby face cop #1: I don’t know…I’d like to use the mini marshmallows in mine.
Baby face cop #2: Yeah, I guess so, cutting up the big ones is just a pain in the ass.
Baby face cop #1: Yeah, but still that ambrosia recipe is way better!
–Elevator in Courthouse
