Archive for the ‘Grand Central’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Up the Wa­zoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That’s a lot of cook­ies. If I had that many cook­ies, I’d put a cou­ple of them in my ass. (pause). It does­n’t mat­ter, I’ve got the space. I can’t eat that many cook­ies.

–23rd & Lex­ing­ton

Teen girl to teen boy: Un­less you want a 9 mil­lime­ter stuck up your ass­hole.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl on cell: Well, it’s still rec­tal.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

20-some­thing girl to 20-some­thing guy, quite loud­ly: Yeah, but putting a met­al spike up his ass was­n’t ex­act­ly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Jar Aaron

20-some­thing woman: Ba­by, I think we’re go­ing to keep the Thanks­giv­ing din­ner out of my ass­hole.

–Herkimer St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: M. Fresh

The An­gel Of Death Had Dif­fi­cul­ty Sus­tain­ing Friend­ships

Suit #1: So I said to them “hap­py an­niver­sary, here’s your ceme­tery plot.“
Suit #2 (as­ton­ished): What? You re­al­ly bought them ceme­tery plots for their an­niver­sary?
Suit #1: Yeah. I knew he was gonna drop soon, so I bought them.
Suit #2: Well, I guess it’s the gift that keeps on giv­ing.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: LF

Just An­oth­er Five Min­utes, Mom

Woman tap­ping bum who pass­es out lean­ing against new­ly-ar­rived train: Ex­cuse me, sir… Sir! You’re lean­ing against the train and it’s about to leave!
Bum: Oh! Huh? Thank you.
Woman: Ex­cuse me, sir? You’re still on the train… Get off of that train, you fuck­ing bum!
Bum: Yes ma’am!

–Down­town 6 plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: off white

They Even Go to the Bath­room Crazy

Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, moth­er­fuck­er!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I was­n’t look­ing–
Hobo: Muther­fuckin’ fag­got. Prob­a­bly same fag­got pissin’ AIDS all over every­body. Ough­ta put a bul­let up you ass…

–Grand Cen­tral men’s room

Over­heard by: john chi­anese

A hobo has peed on him­self.

Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bath­room with­out all you bitch­es starin’ like it’s some­thing new?

–Prospect Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer Sub­way Sand­wich­es

Lost-look­ing chick on cell: Why do they al­ways fuck with the trains on week­ends? Don’t they know there are stoned peo­ple try­ing to get home?

–Sub­way Plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Poog­tas­tic

Loud­speak­er dis­patch­er la­dy: Hey you! Up­town num­ber 5! You bet­ter stop stick­ing your head out the win­dow and an­swer me on the ra­dio!

–Up­town 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.

El­e­gant gen­tle­man, as train starts to de­part sta­tion: Oh, I did­n’t re­al­ize the train was go­ing to move.

–Crowd­ed Up­town 1 Train

MTA an­nounce­ment: The up­town 1 train is run­ning.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na

Dis­patch­er: The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train. The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Over­heard by: Ka­trink

Old man: I’m com­ing, train. I’m com­ing. I’m com­ing, train, you son of a bitch bas­tard!

–6 Train