Archive for the ‘Grand Central’ Category

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That’s why I can’t help but love New York. New York is like the sick un­cle that touch­es you when no ones around.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl, af­ter pass­ing a tourist bump­ing in­to her: In New York we say “ex­cuse me!”

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: The City Plan­ner

Guy to friend: Are we in the in­ner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walk­ing out of Penn sta­tion: You know what’s great about go­ing out in New York City? You can get com­plete­ly bombed and it’s no big deal, be­cause you’ll prob­a­bly nev­er see those peo­ple again, you know?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like “shit­ter.”

–96th & Colum­bus Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Up the Wa­zoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That’s a lot of cook­ies. If I had that many cook­ies, I’d put a cou­ple of them in my ass. (pause). It does­n’t mat­ter, I’ve got the space. I can’t eat that many cook­ies.

–23rd & Lex­ing­ton

Teen girl to teen boy: Un­less you want a 9 mil­lime­ter stuck up your ass­hole.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl on cell: Well, it’s still rec­tal.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

20-some­thing girl to 20-some­thing guy, quite loud­ly: Yeah, but putting a met­al spike up his ass was­n’t ex­act­ly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Jar Aaron

20-some­thing woman: Ba­by, I think we’re go­ing to keep the Thanks­giv­ing din­ner out of my ass­hole.

–Herkimer St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: M. Fresh

The An­gel Of Death Had Dif­fi­cul­ty Sus­tain­ing Friend­ships

Suit #1: So I said to them “hap­py an­niver­sary, here’s your ceme­tery plot.“
Suit #2 (as­ton­ished): What? You re­al­ly bought them ceme­tery plots for their an­niver­sary?
Suit #1: Yeah. I knew he was gonna drop soon, so I bought them.
Suit #2: Well, I guess it’s the gift that keeps on giv­ing.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: LF

Just An­oth­er Five Min­utes, Mom

Woman tap­ping bum who pass­es out lean­ing against new­ly-ar­rived train: Ex­cuse me, sir… Sir! You’re lean­ing against the train and it’s about to leave!
Bum: Oh! Huh? Thank you.
Woman: Ex­cuse me, sir? You’re still on the train… Get off of that train, you fuck­ing bum!
Bum: Yes ma’am!

–Down­town 6 plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: off white

They Even Go to the Bath­room Crazy

Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, moth­er­fuck­er!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I was­n’t look­ing–
Hobo: Muther­fuckin’ fag­got. Prob­a­bly same fag­got pissin’ AIDS all over every­body. Ough­ta put a bul­let up you ass…

–Grand Cen­tral men’s room

Over­heard by: john chi­anese

A hobo has peed on him­self.

Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bath­room with­out all you bitch­es starin’ like it’s some­thing new?

–Prospect Park