Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Car­ry­ing Low

Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she could­n’t be preg­nant — I mean, dude, that was last week.

–St. Marks & 3rd Ave

Preg­gers to male friend: And that ass­hole came up and body-slammed me on the train plat­form! Of course, every­one was look­ing at me like I’m the an­i­mal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s sev­en months preg­nant and not feel bad?

–D train

Over­heard by: Jan­nine Ram­lochan

Preg­gers to la­dy push­ing to get to cup­cake ta­ble: La­dy, I am four months preg­nant. Get­ting be­tween me and those cup­cakes is a re­al­ly, re­al­ly good way to lose an arm.

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Snot­ty ac­tress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my act­ing type. Her script is so like, like — preg­nant with promise.

–14th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Emil­ia

Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Be­cause then if I got preg­nant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose ba­by is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

British moth­er to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was preg­nant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daugh­ter] And that’s why you like brown things.

–Var­ick & King St

Young woman to friends: And she keeps get­ting preg­nant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’

–Co­lum­bia cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ch­eney

You’d Think They’d Tai­lor Them More to Me

Con­duc­tor (over PA sys­tem): Make sure you pick up all your be­long­ings… If you have small chil­dren, be sure to take them by the hand be­fore leav­ing the train. Thank you for rid­ing New Jer­sey tran­sit, and have a great day.
Jer­sey girl (to suit): Now see, I don’t have chil­dren! They haven’t thought these an­nounce­ments through.

–NJ Tran­sit

Wait, You Got Peeps?

Woman in self-scan lane, yelling at em­ploy­ee: These Peeps won’t scan!
Em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, please calm down. I can scan them in for you.
Woman: No, you know what? I don’t need the Peeps. I’ll take my Pep­si and for­get the Peeps. Peeps not scan­ning… Ugh!
Em­ploy­ee, un­der her breath: Every fuck­ing time this bitch is in here…

–Food Em­po­ri­um

Over­heard by: Meaghan

Quee­queg the Tam­poon­er Thought Oth­er­wise

Roomie #1: Why is this non-slip grip on the new tam­pon ads such a big deal? When do I re­al­ly need some su­per non-slip grip sport tam­pon?
Roomie #2: You know, when you’re un­der wa­ter.
Roomie #1: Un­der wa­ter?! I am not the Lit­tle Mer­maid!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: a con­fused roo­mate #3