Drunk chick to passing jogger: Hey! Stop running! It makes me feel bad about myself!
–Outside Jake’s Dilemma, 81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Emily
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
And He Always Explodes Too Soon
Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can’t go out with him.
Friend: Wait — what’s wrong with him shaving his head?
Cute blonde: Well, nothing in theory, but now he looks like a terrorist.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: uptown girl
Headline by: Sarah K
Runners-Up:
· “…Or Ghandi, Whichever.” — Johnny
· “And He Wants Me to Call Him Britney in Bed” — Sim Etrias
· “And the Anthrax in His Apartment Is No Picnic Either” — Naked Lunch
· “Oh, Whew… I Thought You Said, “tourist”” — Rhadamanthus
· “Plus, I Wouldn’t Qualify As One Of His 72 Virgins” — MarioRPG
· “Racial Profiling Is So Hot Right Now” — Fran
Go Smut Surfing and Leave Us Alone About It
Immature boy complaining about health video: Why is it that they put those mosaic blurry thingies on the nipples and show everything else?
Asian girl trying to do homework: God, you horny bastard!
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: stop asking about bra sizes
She Doesn’t See Sexual Assault as a Celebration, Like We Do
Drunk, creepy guy #1: She’s always telling us about our flaws, and why she won’t get with us, but she won’t listen to us tell her about her flaws!
Drunk, creepy guy #2, burning his hand with a lighter: Yeah, she probably acts the way she does because she was raped, but she’s like “I don’t want to talk about it!”
–1 train
Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!
Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!
–Queens
Middle-aged Latino: I’ve got barbie dolls!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bobble-head doll!
–96th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Galatea
Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.
–11th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Bill
Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much because you said we’re not supposed to play in the meditation room.
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Name The Punchline
Girl: I’m, like, the token one. I’m the only lesbo there!
–West 4th and 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jamie
Her Eggs Are Full of Cheese
Girl #1: There’s no way I could get that guy. He is absolutely gorgeous!
Girl #2: What do you think you are? An omelette?
–Office, Broadway & 52nd
Overheard by: theallegedother
Alice: I Could Go for Some Dwarfs
Husband: Geez! Alls you do is sit on your ass and play with the kids.
Wife: I’m sorry I am not Carol-freaking-Brady! We have six fucking kids and I still have no Alice! Give me a break and cook dinner your-fucking-self! The kids are eating PB&J — end of discussion.
Husband: The Brady Bunch was for me like Snow White was for you.
Wife: But the dwarfs here don’t whistle while they work. I still want Alice!
Husband: You always get the last word. I can’t top that! Dammit!
–Soho
Overheard by: Laura
No One Wants to Drink with Congressmen
Twink #1: What’s that place across the street like?
Twink #2: Ugh. A total Foley bar.
Twink #1: Ew.
–Outside The Hanger Bar, Christopher St
Overheard by: Joe Jervis
And It’ll Be a Lot More Fun Now That I Can Actually Hold My Liquor!
Girl #1: Real New Yorkers hate LA. I’m sure I’d hate it if I had to live there.
Girl #2: Yeah, la’s terrible. I wouldn’t mind living in San Francisco, though, because I was baptized there.
Girl #3: I don’t know, LA’s kind of fun for like a year.
Girl #1: When did you live there?
Girl #3: Third grade.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bunbury
