Four-year-old boy: You're so mean to me, mama!
Mom: Yeah, I get that all the time.
–Commodities Natural Market, 10th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Richelle
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
Queequeg the Tampooner Thought Otherwise
Roomie #1: Why is this non-slip grip on the new tampon ads such a big deal? When do I really need some super non-slip grip sport tampon?
Roomie #2: You know, when you’re under water.
Roomie #1: Under water?! I am not the Little Mermaid!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: a confused roomate #3
Yeah, but Jesus Loves Everyone
College girl #1: He loves you.
College girl #2: Don’t say that!
College girl #1: Why not?
College girl #2: Because I have horrible self-esteem!
–7 train
Overheard by: Phillip Roncoroni
And Willing to Share Her Meth
Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.
–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: ebizzle
We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away
Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?
–Office Building, 32nd & 7th
Overheard by: erkala
Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!
–Toys R' Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.
–Canal Street
Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!
–Ave B
Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.
–West 4th Street
Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: sal b
Give Up a Whole Minute I Could Spend Feeling Sorry for Myself?
Young guy: Excuse me! Do you have a minute to spare for gay rights? Sixty seconds!
Old man, walking by: I can’t even get laid, and they want to worry me about gay rights!
–65th & Columbus
And Give Michael a Break–He's Only Seven
Red haired woman: Damn it, Michael forgot to pack my lunch again. I am so pissed at him! Arrrrgh!
Big boobed woman: Shhh…shhh… Just get lunch at the store.
Red haired woman: Do they got ribs at the store? Do they got ribs at the store, Portia?
Big boobed woman: You could ask. They have pork.
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Lady, All I Asked You Was, “Which Way Is Uptown?”
Distraught girl: Is there an ‘I’ in ‘relationship’?
Guy: [Silence.]Distraught girl: Well, is there?!
Guy: Um… There’s two, actually…
Distraught girl: God… You’re so selfish! You just don’t understand me.!
–Brother Jimmy’s, 92nd & 3rd
Overheard by: issheaskinghimthis?
Wednesday One-liners Get on My Nerves
Guy: The people here are so friendly…It’s kind of annoying.
–PS 1, LIC
Like a Celibate Priest With a Huge Dick
Tipsy attractive Asian lesbian to girlfriend: Oh, well. Actually, I just learned how to deep throat in December… Pretty awesome, once you get it down.
Tipsy, equally attractive girlfriend: My last girlfriend said she used to do it, too! Wow, men must hate me.
–Uptown 1 Train