Drunk: See, my wife’s from Portugal and I’m from Italy — I want my reparations tonight!
Wife: Not at this rate.
Drunk: Oh, I am so sleeping on the couch tonight.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Marilyn
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
… So Could You Please Go Buy a Tourniquet?
Dad: It just seems silly. Why risk a lot for a little?
Teen son: It’s not a little, it’s my life!
–14th & 6th
To Increase the Value of Their Work
Artist: Painting is wearing me out. I think I’m ready to retire.
Sales associate: Artists do not retire. As a matter of fact, they are the only ones that do not retire.
Artist: Yeah, they just jump off a bridge or out of a window.
–New York Central Art Supply Store, 3rd Ave, between 10th & 11th St
It Wasn’t Even Wii Rollerblading!
Shaggy high school boy: I totally saw her roller blading on my block.
Shaggy high school girl: Oh my god, she would be roller blading.
–Calhoun School, 81st & West End
Overheard by: Booters
It’s Becoming Like the Ganges
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear? Another helicopter crashed into the East River.
Guy #2: Man, that would suck. The East River is just dirty and nasty.
Guy #1: Shit yeah. It’s full of floatin’ helicopters.
–2 train
Henceforth to Be Known as the “Ironyvator”
Guy #1: Get out of the way! You’re in the walking lane and
people are trying to pass.
Guy #2: What walking lane? Only an idiot would walk on an elevator. People who walk are idiots.
Guy #1: This is called an escalator.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Nicole Victoria
Girl: Let’s take the stairs.
Guy: But the stairs are so…leg-oriented.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Guy: It’s like a conveyor belt for miserable people.
–Penn Station
The Plumber’s in There Now
Lawyer #1: Why are you so pissy this morning?
Lawyer #2: Eh, just frustration. My wife’s vagina is out of order again.
–Supreme Court, Jamaica
Overheard by: Big Larry
The Time Traveler is Genuinely Disoriented
Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey-nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Borgen
Ophelia Yielded to Peer Pressure So Quickly, She Had to be Revived
Drunk chick to passing jogger: Hey! Stop running! It makes me feel bad about myself!
–Outside Jake’s Dilemma, 81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Emily
And He Always Explodes Too Soon
Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can’t go out with him.
Friend: Wait — what’s wrong with him shaving his head?
Cute blonde: Well, nothing in theory, but now he looks like a terrorist.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: uptown girl
Headline by: Sarah K
Runners-Up:
· “…Or Ghandi, Whichever.” — Johnny
· “And He Wants Me to Call Him Britney in Bed” — Sim Etrias
· “And the Anthrax in His Apartment Is No Picnic Either” — Naked Lunch
· “Oh, Whew… I Thought You Said, “tourist”” — Rhadamanthus
· “Plus, I Wouldn’t Qualify As One Of His 72 Virgins” — MarioRPG
· “Racial Profiling Is So Hot Right Now” — Fran
