Archive for the ‘Guidettes’ Category

Like When You’re Asleep?

Guidette to friend: Like, I’m a re­al­ly good friend, y’­know, be­cause I like to lis­ten to peo­ple. Like, so many peo­ple aren’t good friends be­cause they don’t wan­na lis­ten, but I lis­ten to peo­ple, y’­know?
Friend: Re­al­ly, it’s like–
Guidette, cut­ting her off: –I know, some peo­ple just don’t lis­ten, but I’m such a good friend be­cause I love lis­ten­ing, and I’m a good lis­ten­er…

–Lex­ing­ton Ave sta­tion

Over­heard by: Brid­gettttttt

“That’sa Spicy Wednes­day One-Lin­er!”

Drunk guy, mat­ter-of-fact­ly: Every­one comes in here and thinks they’re smelling pot, when re­al­ly they’re just smelling Ital­ians.

–Ham­mer­stein Ball­room Men’s Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eat­en mac­a­roni. Does that count as Ital­ian?

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Kay­la Mon­et­ta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, “you smell like Ital­ian.”

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: molina1230

Loud brides­maid at Gui­do wed­ding: I’m Si­cil­ian from the waist up, Amer­i­can from the waist down.

–Brook­lyn Botan­ic Gar­den

Col­lege guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they start­ed eat­ing. Ital­ian feasts are pornog­ra­phy. Ital­ian food is il­lic­it sex to the pu­ri­tans. Every­thing the pu­ri­tans eat is bland and brown.

–Brook­lyn Col­lege

Mid­dle-aged, pot-bel­lied guy with a long pony-tail, stop­ping young woman on the street: Ex­cuse me, but I just want to say, once you’ve had Ital­ian food, you’re not hun­gry for any­thing else. I just ate a cal­zone and now I’m go­ing to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Not hun­gry ei­ther

Mar­tin Luther: Re­al­ly?

Loud teenage guidette: He does­n’t date!
Ug­ly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or some­thing. I heard—yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant—like re­li­gious. They wor­ship this Chi­nese guy…
Ug­ly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white peo­ple.

–Star­bucks

Next on Why Tourists Wear Fan­ny­packs: Scary Black Peo­ple!

Gui­do chick: Hey, you over there. Yeah you, ain’t you Dwayne?
Thug: Yeah, what’s it to ya?
Gui­do chick: It’s me, Gi­na, from the neigh­bor­hood. Whatch­ya doin’ all the ways out here?
Thug: Workin’, babe, workin’.
Gui­do chick: Workin’ on what?
Thug: It’s pick­pock­et sea­son. Now’s the times I makes my mon­ey.
Gui­do chick: Bitch, you best not be stealin’ from my fam­i­ly! I’ll bust a cap in ya ass and then tell my Un­cle Carmine.
Thug: Don’t wor­ry, bitch, I on­ly hit on the tourists.
Gui­do chick: Okay, babe, see ya in the neigh­bor­hood. Come tell me how it works out.

–Win­ter­gar­den The­atre

Over­heard by: An­n­marie

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Mid­dle Name Is Ralph, As in Puke

Sub­way an­nounc­er: Ladies and gen­tle­men, please be aware that there is no V train ser­vice on the week­ends… That’s V as in ‘vom­it.’

–57th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: hero­ine in in­iq­ui­ty

Got­ti-look­ing girl: Yeah, and I was­n’t hav­ing a good time so she was like, ‘Why did­n’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Be­cause I’m not gonna stoop to his lev­el. I’ll just have some­one break his legs.’

–LIRR Hicksville

Over­heard by: Sarah

Con­duc­tor: No fight­ing, no throw­ing up.

–LIRR train

Over­heard by: Kris­ten

Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poi­son tonight? What do you feel like tast­ing on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager?

–PATH to Christo­pher St

Met­al guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you got­ta throw up you can’t beat pan­cakes and syrup.

–Burg­er King, 34th St

Over­heard by: Glad I was done eat­ing

Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the show­er, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever hap­pened!

–168th & Ft Wash­ing­ton Ave