Archive for the ‘Guidos’ Category

Wednes­days Wish They Could Be More Like One-Lin­ers

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or some­thing.
(black teenage boy gig­gles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave

Brunette Gui­do girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she’s like, the on­ly cool blonde per­son. This one time she was just like “Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don’t know how to fight.”

–LIRR

Over­heard by: whaaas­good

Fash­ion in­tern: I had swine flu last year, be­fore it was cool.

–Cafe­te­ria, Hearst Tow­er

Over­heard by: in­terns are our fu­ture

Bike rid­er on phone, walk­ing with girl­friend: I don’t have his num­ber, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pret­ty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate mas­sage.

–River­side Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hope You’re Not a Cop

Man on cell: Af­ter I dropped Ben­ny off at school I stopped by that harem.

–5th Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Nerd

Old bald guy look­ing at Asian call girl sec­tion in news­pa­per, on cell, speak­ing very slow­ly and very loud­ly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same ex­act di­a­logue takes place three more times.] Bin­go!

–Mil­ford Ho­tel

Over­heard by: not an asian call girl

Guy: I’m a good Jew­ish son ‑I got 90% off on a hook­er!

–Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: Man, I love hook­ers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hook­ers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: who knew?

Gui­do in leather jack­et, to suit: So did any­thing ever hap­pen with the whore?

–39th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slut­ting my­self out, I might as well get paid for it!

–22nd & 9th

Over­heard by: Kate

Is It Re­al­ly an Ac­com­plish­ment to Score Pussy If You’re Gay?

Hip­ster: I’ve been mean­ing to talk to you about your new look. It’s rather… um… gui­do.
Gui­do: Yeah, I know. But the pussy, dude — the pussy, you would­n’t be­lieve.
Hip­ster: It bet­ter be good, be­cause your eye­brows are waxed. And you’re a man.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: gui­do hater