Guy from restaurant to hobo: Hey, do you want something to drink?
Hobo: Sure, what do you have?
Guy from restaurant: Pepsi, Coke, Sprite…
Hobo: Anything diet?
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: uneditedtales
Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category
Hokay, I No Steal
American guy: All the buildings in New York City are made with brick. No steel. So if there's an earthquake, we're all dead.
Foreign guy: No steel?
American guy: No steel. All brick. If there's an earthquake, we're all dead.
(foreign guy giggles hysterically)
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Wednesday One-liners’ Fashion Emergency
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m going to dress her up in outfits again and make her dance.
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: kt
Roe vs. Wednesday One-Liners
Guy, selling comedy tickets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheaper than a Chinese abortion.
–Times Square
Kid: You may think of abortion like, "Oh, it’s gone!"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Emilia
Girl: Now I understand why people steal babies! It totally makes sense! We should legalize abortion.
–68th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Manic Mouse
Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m atheist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dunno what to tell you, mother, it’s too late for an abortion now. Maybe you should have used a condom.
–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Island
Overheard by: Queer CVS clerk
Guy: So, she starts talking about abortion while I got a fuckin’ boner and I’m like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
–W 42nd St & 8th Ave
…as Is the Custom in Paris
Drunk guy on subway, trying to whisper: Um…for future reference, don't use that French accent next time we fuck.
Loud drunk girl, breaking into hysterical laughter: Ha! And then you're going to tell me not to fart on your balls!
–B Train
Overheard by: Glad I missed that party
Hey, at Least We Gave It to Him Straight.
Straight boy to group of girls: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
Girl #1: Are you sure you want to know?
Boy: Yes.
Girl #2: We're talking about hot gay guys.
(other girls laugh)
Girl #3: Do you think Jonathan Groff is hot?
(straight boy leaves)
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
At Auditions for a Revival of You Can’t Do That on Television
Dude: What happened?
Soaked chick: I dunno. There was like a ‘Grrr’ and then a like ‘Woosh’ and then like a ‘Splat’ and then I was like, ‘What the fuck…’
Dude: Oh. That explains it.
–50th & Lex
Yeah, My Giant Penis Piercing May Have Been a Mistake
Guy in crowd: Don't touch me!
Friend: Dude, maybe you shouldn't say that here.
Guy: No, I mean you–you're the one who peed on your hands.
–All Points West Ferry Line
Which, Coincidentally, Is Also the Name Of My Band.
Chick: I wanna get me one of those, like, silent dogs?
Guy: It'll probably be a sneaky dog.
–1 Train
Overheard by: de kraai
Gin Makes a Woman Mean
Drunk Girl: I’m really glad you made it out tonight.
Sober Guy: I’m really glad you’re going home.
He closes her cab door and walks away.
–Bleecker St.
Overheard by: Stephie Russell