Guy #1: I think I'm going to go to Fortunoff's after work tomorrow to get the ring.
Guy #2: Why don't you just go to that place around the corner? You know, uh… Stephanie's!
Guy #1: You mean Tiffany's?
Guy #2: Yeah! Tiffany's!
–Financial District
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence
Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago. –34th & 7th Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face. –33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria Overheard by: Wade Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her! –Penn Station Overheard by: Cha Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody. –Bryant Park Overheard by: Braincurve Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock. –Central Park
Straight Guys Generally Regret Pursuing This Line of Questioning
Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.
–Central Park
We Prefer the Blue Wall of Silence
Fool — Even Now the Eye of Sharon Turns in Our Direction!
Dude #1: I mean, when she walked into the room it was like… a demonic presence.
Dude #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Dude #1: No, you don’t. Your girlfriend isn’t like that. She’s not a bitch.
Dude #2: Yeah, she is, just in a different way. She’s a smart enough bitch not to let people know she’s a bitch.
–NYC High School
This Country Really Is a Meritocracy
Guy #1: He inherited something like 35 million after taxes.
Guy #2: What an asshole.
Guy #1 (laughing): Yeah, and you know he's gonna be fuckin' broke in like two years.
–30th & 6th
But I’m Not at All Happy with These Glasses
Chick: I like your grandma.
Guy: He’s a dude.
Chick: Oh… I like your grandpa.
–City College
Overheard by: Low Quality pictures online
Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”
Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time. –Time Warner Center Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat! –Sheep's Meadow, Central Park Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: fellow fatass Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store! –W Broadway & Spring Overheard by: JR Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4! –Central Park West Overheard by: Rich H
They Can't Even Drive You Anywhere!
Crying screaming Indian girl: I am so sick of this! I do so much for you, you mean everything to me and I am so sick of this! I was there for you! Nothing mattered to you!
Asian ex-boyfriend: Ummm…
Indian girl: And I am so tired of you choosing them over me. Always choosing the Asian girls over me! It never matters, because you always choose the Asians!
–NYU Silver Center
White People: Is Any Of This Our Fault?
Large black guy #1: Wait, you don’t have your permit yet?
Large black guy #2: Nigga, that ain’t my fault. You know I can drive, but the written test fucked me up.
Large black guy #1: I thought you said it was the easiest shit ever.
Large black guy #2: No, it is. I took it in five minutes. But the last question was “if there’s an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck behind you, who do you let by first?”
Large black guy #1: That’s easy. It’s the –
Large black guy #2: Lemme finish. So I put the ambulance right, because some nigga be dying back there. But it turns out the answer is the postal truck because it’s federal property and you can’t mess with the feds.
Large black guy #1: That’s some stupid shit right there. Some nigga be dying in the back. Stupid feds. You know, the police can get you now for saying the n-word? They can give you a ticket and shit.
Large black guy #2: That ain’t right, nigga. I’m black and I will act accordingly.
–2 Train