Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are An­oth­er Year Old­er but None the Wis­er

20-some­thing: I did­n’t even re­al­ize it was my birth­day un­til I checked Face­book!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: mtraine­ti­quette

Girl to friend: We should cel­e­brate tonight–it’s my half birth­day in 10 days.

–Croc­o­dile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See no­body is wear­ing birth­day scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you re­al­ly be­lieve I was go­ing to get you a Hel­lo Kit­ty vi­bra­tor for your birth­day?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birth­day! You should be giv­ing *me* mon­ey!

–111 & Broad­way

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

La­dy #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
La­dy #2: Are you kid­ding? Lis­ten, hon­ey, let me tell you…I just fin­ished my starter mar­riage, and I’ve been dat­ing like crazy!

–6 train

Over­heard by: BBW

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Is­n’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yes­ter­day, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Over­heard by: fri­day­weasel

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sand­wich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not go­ing to change the fact that he did it and he’s prob­a­bly just go­ing to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the sat­is­fac­tion of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your pe­ri­od is end­ing.

–Q train

Ten Bucks Says He Asks Her Out Be­fore They Get to Their Floor

Ug­ly guy: Yeah, we broke up be­cause it just did­n’t work out be­tween us. We had too many dif­fer­ences.
Pret­ty girl: I’m sor­ry to hear that. How long has it been?
Ug­ly guy: Years, so I’m over it. Well, we were swingers so it got com­pli­cat­ed. Well, — I was a swinger. She was­n’t.
Pret­ty girl: Um­mm… (stares at wall) Great el­e­va­tor con­ver­sa­tion!

–El­e­va­tor, Vi­a­com Build­ing, 44th & Broad­way