Guy #1: Get out of the way! You’re in the walking lane and
people are trying to pass.
Guy #2: What walking lane? Only an idiot would walk on an elevator. People who walk are idiots.
Guy #1: This is called an escalator.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Nicole Victoria
Girl: Let’s take the stairs.
Guy: But the stairs are so…leg-oriented.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Guy: It’s like a conveyor belt for miserable people.
–Penn Station
Guy: I mean, she can come with and dance on the table.
Girl: I wanna see the baby!
–Avenue U & Coney Island Ave
Overheard by: I wanna go where they’re going.
Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world.
–LES
Guy #1: So, Martha Stewart got out of jail today.
Guy #2: Yeah, she looks kinda hot…it must have been all the weightlifting!
–Pa Kua Martial Arts, 38th & 6th
Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!
–West 4th St Station
Overheard by: DS
Young bodega rat on corner: Dude, she just told me to go fuck myself!
Bodega rat’s friend: That’s cause she gangsta–you not!
–Hamilton Heights, 137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lo Fisch
Chick: So what are the most dangerous places in New York these days?
Dude #1: I don’t know. Hell’s Kitchen used to be the worst.
Dude #2: What about Harlem?
Dude #1: I guess Harlem’s still bad, but it’s not like it used to be where everybody would be waiting around to stab lost white people.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Guy on cell: What, you thought they were going to let fat people into the club?
–N train
Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he’s not dead. If you come back and he’s still lying there, he’s dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.
–23th & 7th
Overheard by: mel
Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you’re going to eat a bad mushroom and die.
–87th St & York Ave
Overheard by: Critter
Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!
–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport
Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you’re banking on dying young, then?
–Art Store, Williamsburg
Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I’ve got bloodlust in my heart.
–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: JKW
Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?
–Park Ave
Dude #1: So, my friend’s agent’s lawyer’s daughter’s roommate…
Dude #2: Wait, are you seriously telling this story?
–2nd St, between Ave A and Ave B
Overheard by: Caroline
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
