Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category

As the Dodgers Said in 1957

Guy #1: (howls like an an­i­mal)
Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hoot­ing)
Group of peo­ple, in­clud­ing guys #1 and #2: (all start mak­ing an­i­mal calls, screams, hoots etc)
Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck up!
Group of howlers: (spo­rad­i­cal­ly throws in more an­i­mal nois­es and then pro­fuse­ly thanks the glar­ing au­di­ence as they ex­it train)
Man#2 on train: At least they’re some­one else’s prob­lem now.
Man#1 on train: I’m nev­er go­ing to Brook­lyn again.

–F Train

Over­heard by: it on­ly takes 3 stops to de­cide

You Aren’t Be­ing Served

Arts Club guy: Hel­lo, young woman! How may I help you?
Shaved head woman: Uh…can we get some drinks?
Arts Club guy: This is a pri­vate club. We’re closed.
Shaved head woman: Well, I am a mem­ber.
Arts Club guy: If you were a mem­ber, you would know that we were closed.

–Na­tion­al Arts Club, Gramer­cy Park South

Over­heard by: Olivia + Will Hal­man

My Oth­er Op­tion Is to Be Baked In­to the Wed­ding Cake

White guy talk­ing about his ex-girl­friend: Then she was like “Oh, I’m get­ting mar­ried. I want you to be part of my wed­ding.” She was like “You can be my brides-man.“
Even whiter friend: What? Like a groom?
White guy: No! A brides-man.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: play­toe

He Won’t Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird’s Cage

Wan­na-be prep­py: Hey! Is that the news­pa­per?
Slack­er: Yeah.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Let’s have a look at it.
(slack­er throws pa­per in­to lock­er and locks lock­er)
Wan­na-be prep­py: Aw, why did you do that?
Slack­er: I can’t let you see it. It’s not mine.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Whose is it?
Slack­er: My girl­friend’s broth­er. He’s re­al­ly sen­si­tive…
Wan­na-be prep­py: Re­al­ly sen­si­tive about the news­pa­per?

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Kane