Guy behind line of girls into the women’s bathroom: Whoa!
Girl: Hey! You can’t come in here!
Guy: It’s okay, I’m Swedish – I’m practically gay.
–Madison Square Garden
Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category
Educated Wednesday One-liners
Man: I’m, like, the MacGyver of orthoscopic surgery.
–David Copperfield’s, York Avenue
Girl: I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone back to school. I’d probably be dead or in jail or pregnant and living in Brooklyn or something.
–F train
Overheard by: Heather
Goth guy on cell: You can’t divide by infinity! Infinity is a concept, not a number! How many times do I have to tell you that?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Lesley Brooke
Fat lady: I was Rubenesque before I was fat.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Dawn
Translation: Beating Off to Maureen Dowd
Guy #1: What are you gonna do today?
Guy #2: Hang out, catch up on the Monday Times.
Guy #1: You mean the Sunday Times?
Guy #2: No. The Monday Times.
Guy #1: Oh. Okay, man.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: pb dot c
Wouldn’t That Be Statuary Rape?
Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.
–The Met
Believe Everything You (Over)hear
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger died in a car crash?
Guy #2: No way! That’s not true, is it?
Guy #1: I dunno. I am asking you.
–F train
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
…When I Was a Kid
Guy #1: Wow, I can’t believe we’re at the Macy’s parade, I used to watch this on tv as a kid.
Guy #2: I used to watch this on tv in jail.
–34th St
Overheard by: Heibi
Besides, Mirrors Are Washable
Dude #1: Ew, bro, that’s incest!
Dude #2, sheepishly: No, it’s not…
–W 9th St & 5th Ave
That’s Like Taking It to Denny’s!
Guy #1: So, she was eventually diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome. No, not Stockholm syndrome… Munchausen by proxy.
Guy #2: Is that where you make your kid sick to get attention?
Guy #1: Yeah. I mean, who feeds their newborn feces? Who does that?
–21st St & 6th Ave
Yet They Won’t Have Useless Diplomas
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
Wednesday One-Liners. (Allegedly)
Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I’m like “you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!”
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you’re going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you’re done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I’d have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
