Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place

That’s More Like a Commune

Guy: At some point, the fucking union of New York City deli workers must have met to decide breakfast would no longer be cheap.
Girl: You think they have a union or something?
Guy: Yeah, it’s called Chinatown.

–Water & Pine

How Shirley Temple Ended Up at the Party

20-something guy to female friend leaving house party: If you see Sophia, say hi to her. She’s never been to our place before, so just let her know how to get in.
Female friend: I have no idea what she looks like!
20-something guy: She has curly hair!
Female friend, walking outside: I am so going to fuck this up.

–86th St & Lexington

Wednesday XXX-Liners

Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!

–Soho

Overheard by: Anastassia

Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.

–L Train

Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!

–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…

–Lucky Jack’s bar, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.

–William & Cedar

Overheard by: Laura

It’s True: Whores and Strippers Have Entirely Different Skill Sets.

Guy: Why would I want to watch you strip?
Girl: Why not?!
Guy: Because you’re a fucking whore!

–37th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Danielle

Headline by: Russ

Runners-Up:
· “And There Isn’t an ATM Around Here.” — Jesse
· “I Prefer to Get My Lap-Dances From Nuns” — PeterG
· “Not One Of Those Stripping Whores!” — the grene kni3t
· “Not Wanting to See Tits Is One Of the Early Warning Signs Of Being Fabulous” — Drew
· “Whore Becoming a Stripper, Synonymous With Actor Becoming a Singer” — erwilson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

She’s the Cob, and They’re the Cornholders

Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms.

–84th & Broadway

Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it. 

–52nd & Lexington