Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

The On­ly Thing That Could Make Rent Bear­able.

Rent­head #1: He was­n’t *that* bad as Roger.
Rent­head #2: Weren’t you drunk last time you saw him?
Rent­head #1: Yeah. That’s prob­a­bly why. When I’m drunk I’m more like “Oh, his hair’s shiny,” rather than “Wow, he has no emo­tion.“
Rent­head #2: His hair is shiny. (pause) Next time he’s on as Roger, let’s get drunk.

–Ned­er­lan­der The­atre

Ra­pun­zel, Ra­pun­zel, Let Down Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to friend: I can’t be­lieve you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Cham­bers

Three-year-old boy to an­oth­er: I like you but I don’t like your ba­by be­cause your ba­by grabbed my hair.

–Cen­tral Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I’m so glad this is all work­ing out. (gets up and sees her re­flec­tion) Fuck! Why did­n’t you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Over­heard by: It DID

Black woman to in­fant held by her moth­er: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain’t my hair, I could re­al­ly use yours.

–Harlem Polling Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Joe

Girl yelling in­to cell: He’s not even hairy!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each oth­er, but he’s too beard­ed.

–113th St

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

They Found the Styl­ist with an Aqua Net

Woman #1: So my mom is all de­pressed be­cause of the Hur­ri­cane Ka­t­ri­na stuff, and she says she has no time to take care of her­self. And I say, “It’s just a call to du­ty, Mom.” I mean, if she’d go to the beau­ty par­lor…
Woman #2: The beau­ty par­lor prob­a­bly got de­stroyed.
Woman #1: Yes, and they had to build a new one. And I say, if she just goes in there and has them…fix her hair, or something…she’ll feel so much bet­ter!

–H&M, Broad­way & Prince

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, the Peo­ple’s Char­i­ot

Ghet­to fab bus dri­ver : Hel­lo and good morn­ing. Wel­come to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I’m go­ing to be your op­er­a­tor to­day. We do ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. Well, I ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. For my nails. Get­ting my hair done. Yeah.

–Bolt­Bus

Over­heard by: Julie and Mark The Snob

Bus dri­ver (as bus leaves Lex­ing­ton stop): The stop af­ter this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns in­to Cen­tral Park) Ladies and gen­tle­men, the next stop will be Cen­tral Park West. Please have your pass­ports ready.

–Crosstown Bus

Bus dri­ver over in­ter­com (as bus pass­es Uni­sphere): Oh, every­one’s from New York? Then y’all al­ready know this spot! I can’t tell you noth­ing! Bye.

–Shut­tle Bus, Flush­ing Mead­ows Park

Con­duc­tor: Good morn­ing! This is the bus dis­patch­er. It’s a sun­ny 78 de­grees on a beau­ti­ful Wednes­day! I’m hap­py to re­port the bus lanes in­bound to New York are slic­ing through traf­fic like a hot knife through but­ter! En­joy your day, con­trol cen­ter, out.

–NJ Tran­sit Bus

Over­heard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough

Con­duc­tor: Al­right folks, re­mem­ber to keep cool to­day and drink plen­ty of wa­ter. I rec­om­mend ya’ll eat some Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios will make ya’ll nicer to each oth­er. Stay away from that ba­con and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Over­heard by: should have eat­en break­fast

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Did Chop Down That Cher­ry Tree

Well dressed par­ty-go­er: No, like, I went to Prince­ton ‑we lied all the time.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Cuny Grad­u­ate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I got­ta go. My mom’s call­ing. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pock­et.]

–Wag­n­er Col­lege, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Squig­gs

Woman on cell: I just don’t un­der­stand why he got so freaked out about it. I said “I love you” ‑big fuck­ing deal. That does­n’t mean any­thing. I could have been ly­ing. I was ly­ing, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clin­ton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been mar­ried for 28 years and she won’t ad­mit to it. Liar. Afraid of in­te­gra­tion, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, hon­ey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the oth­er line.] Hey bud­dy! How’s it go­ing!

–125th St. Sub­way plat­form

Over­heard by: EthanK

Twen­tysome­thing play­er on cell, pick­ing fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to For­est Hills to get my hair­cut.

–N Train

Over­heard by: john

Guy on cell: Most peo­ple lie to get out of ju­ry du­ty and here I am be­ing hon­est about NAM­BLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Over­heard by: melis­sa