Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

It Would Prob­a­bly Start to Grate

Girl #1: My hus­band had such a hair across his ass last night. He was get­ting on my last nerve.
Girl #2: “Hair across his ass”? What do you mean?
Girl #1: You’ve nev­er heard that phrase be­fore? “Hair across his ass”?
Girl #2: No, I haven’t. I don’t get it.
Girl #1: Well Jen, tell me, would you be hap­py if you had a hair go­ing across your ass?

–Gray’s Pa­paya, 8th Av­enue

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Di­ane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink un­der­wear: Yeah, I’ve fall­en asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold’s Gym, 54th St

Over­heard by: John­ny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a par­ty and sold raf­fle tick­ets, the win­ner got to restyle his hair. He’s weird.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I mar­ry a Japan­ese, then there’s all that weird sex stuff. I’m mar­ry­ing Ko­re­an. They’re adorable, and don’t have that weird com­mu­nism thing the Chi­nese do.

–Chi­na­town

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pas­ta here with weird veg­eta­bles and weird meat. My fa­vorite meal here is break­fast. I am so ready to go home!

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: D‑Law

Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Hip­ster wait­ress to an­oth­er: Camel toe is like, re­al­ly hot, but al­so re­al­ly un­com­fort­able.

–Williams­burg

Col­lege guy to friend: Dude, I’d def­i­nite­ly date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It’s not gay.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Stephen

Pro­fes­sor: Wel­come to CUNY, it’s like menopause. It’s ei­ther too hot or too cold.

–City Uni­ver­si­ty of New York

Lati­no girl on cell: Bitch, please. I’m gonna look mad hot tonight. I’­ma comb my hair!

–Amer­i­can Ap­par­el

Male pro­fes­sor: I don’t care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, noth­ing’s go­ing to hap­pen!

–New York In­sti­tute of Tech­nol­o­gy

Over­heard by: Not Brad Pitt