Archive for the ‘Handicaps’ Category

Does a Threesome With Twins Break the Wednesday One-Liner Taboo?

Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!

–Trump Building

Overheard by: Guess I’m lucky too

Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can’t hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You’re the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.

–Queens

Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I’m really attracted to.

–Governors Island ferry

Overheard by: boring

Male passerby: I wouldn’t fuck my family, but…

–4th Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Jessica

British professor wearing bow tie: It’s fascinating just how exciting incest is!

–Silver Center, NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That’s what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don’t have taste in men just because I’d do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It’s called “communication,” Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don’t understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I’d be all like, “bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I’m gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I’m sicka hearin’ the sound of yo voice!” No, of course I don’ mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

Yeah But She Can Only Give You an I or a Y

Employee #1: Hey, look at this picture.
Employee #2: Yeah, she never would have made cheerleader if she had two legs.
Headline by: azione 

Runners-Up:
· “Amputation is the New Anorexia” — Amanda
· “And they want to take away affirmative action?” — Holly G
· “But I’d Still TOTALLY Bang Her” — Jason
· “But her talent is obvious…” — fuel
· “Come on, Eileen” — Parker
· “Four legs good, two legs bad!” — Zomzom
· “From the McCartney — Mills Divorce Files” — Gimpy La Rue
· “How to lose those extra pounds to make the squad: amputation” — Sean McGurr
· “Kids will do anything to make the team” — Spin
· “Or a head.” — Jeremiah Lewis
· “Playing the amputee card” — Mandaliet
· “She’d still be a virgin now too” — Sarah
· “Title IX didn’t say they had to actually do the routines.” — CityGirl
· “Tryouts were tough for the Special Olympics cheer squad.” — John
· “We call her Tripod Betty” — Wendy
· “When Affirmative action goes too far” — Marv in DC

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.

–SoHo

Overheard by: kim

Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: gypsee

Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn’t have legs, nobody has legs.

–1 Train

Overheard by: oliviz

Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend’s ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.

–M14D Bus

Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that’s bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: rachel

Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn’t know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn’t know he only had one hand.

–Brother Jimmy’s Restaurant

Overheard by: Joe