Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category

What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers)

Drunk-look­ing girl on cell: … And I just re­ceived a post­card of butts! Things are look­ing up!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

An­gry soc­cer mom: Who­ev­er has his or her hand on my ass, you bet­ter be one of my kids.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass stri­a­tions?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Col­lege girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Need­less to say, my ass cleared every sur­face he had in that room. Twice.

–Down­town B Train

Over­heard by: Po­la

Tall guy on cell: Lis­ten, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you got­ta do is pull out a cam­era. They drop their panties in a sec­ond, at least that’s what I tell the com­mit­tee.

–Star­bucks, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Con­duc­tor over loud­speak­er: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ ma­ma’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Over­heard by: Tina K

The Wednes­day One-Lin­er That Nev­er Sleeps

20-some­thing girl to friend: I’m sor­ry, but what is the big fuck­ing deal with eat­ing on the side­walk? Back court­yard? Sure. Rooftop? Fuck, yeah! But the fuck­ing side­walk? Home­less peo­ple up in my face. Loud trucks up in my ears. Car­cino­gens up in my lungs. I mean… re­al­ly? New York­ers are all fucked up.

–2nd Ave b/w 6th & 7th

Over­heard by: Dodd Loomis

Ditzy blond tourist: New York is the most for­eign place in Amer­i­ca I’ve ever been to!

–F Train

Over­heard by: Chelsea S.

In­di­an guy on phone: I don’t wan­na be like the Ben­gali fob! I’m gonna show up and be like the orig­i­nal New York gangs­ta!

–B61 Bus

Bar cus­tomer to ta­ble next to him: I need to vis­it New York, every­one that vis­its is al­ways hap­py. Every­one that lives here in New York is al­ways mis­er­able.

–Cham­bers St

Lit­tle boy, with great ex­cite­ment: I just tripped in New York City!

–Times Square

Coun­try Mouse, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Mouse

Very hap­py male suit wear­ing slip­pers, shuf­fling down to the sub­way: If you can wear slip­pers in New York, you can wear slip­pers any­where.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I’m so glad to be in New York, where every­one is so mel­low and every­one talks Amer­i­can.

–Di­Fara Pizze­ria

Guy to date: That’s what I love about New York–people wear dif­fer­ent out­fits.

–Out­side Deluxe, 113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dad to pre­teen daugh­ter: See, I re­al­ly don’t have is­sues with cit­i­zens not from New York city.

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: de­pends on cit­i­zens

Woman on cell: I’m in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: AEVRed

South­ern la­dy on cell: I have to say I’m dis­ap­point­ed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amaz­ing. Ya’ll don’t even have a Wal-Mart.

–Du­ane Reade, 34th & 8th