Archive for the ‘Harassment’ Category

A Smor­gash­board Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry any­thing. I don’t even fry my food any­more.

–47th & 6th

Over­heard by: A very dis­turbed News­bun­ny

Old Jew­ish woman to hus­band hold­ing restau­rant left­overs: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Is­rael!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: What a waste!

Prep­py guy: At least *I’m* not the one mo­lest­ing fic­tion­al ce­re­al pitch­men.

–Park Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

Girl on cell, talk­ing loud­ly: I don’t know what I want, but what­ev­er I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Prep­py girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Fe­male new stu­dent to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole bur­ri­to-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Catie

You Ghet­to-of-the-Ivy-League Pos­er

Co­lum­bia stu­dent: Do you go to NYU?
NYU stu­dent: Yes, how did you know?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their stu­dents from the home­less shel­ter.
NYU stu­dent: Ex­cuse me?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I’m your biggest en­e­my.
NYU stu­dent: What?
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: I go to Co­lum­bia.
NYU stu­dent: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: Coop­er Union Stu­dent

News­Flash: Crack­head Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.

Crack­head to white girl: I want a lit­tle white girl. Okay, a lit­tle white lily, she so mad, I want a lit­tle white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I’m ha­rass­ing you be­cause you’re white and I’m black.
Girl on train: I’m not white, okay? I’m not white, stop look­ing at me. I don’t look re­mote­ly white, or Cau­casian.
Crack­head: I’m not in­to fat girls, so I’ll look some­where else. I’m not in­to fat jokes, just black jokes. You prob­a­bly think I’m in­to white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you try­ing to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?

–Down­town 2 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laugh­ing: I mean, what is he go­ing to black­mail me with?

–9th & 47th

Over­heard by: won­der­ing

Old­er queer to boyfriend: There’s noth­ing like lis­ten­ing to Bach af­ter hav­ing sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Over­heard by: I’ll have to try that some­time…

(40-some­thing gay guy is look­ing through a clear­ance rack of mis­matched out­er­wear un­der sign that reads “Big and tall ac­tive bot­toms”)
60-some­thing gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you’re in the wrong sec­tion. Find where the big des­per­ate bot­toms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whim­per­ing tod­dler held by moth­er: Don’t even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain’t my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good look­ing gay guy to much old­er ug­ly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend al­ways bought me presents…

–86th St & Lex­ing­ton

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Lead with Their Nip­ples

12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a pig­gy­back ride and grabbed on­to my boobs! Is­n’t that what you call sex­ism? When you’re a perv? Sex­ist?

–6th & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Ha, ha, Mal.

Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were big­ger…

–19th & 7th

Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob.

–Prospect Heights, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Mari­ah

Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work.

–68th & 2nd

Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christ­mas card fea­tur­ing my boo­bies on his fridge.


Over­heard by: La­dle

Pre­sent­ing the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Lol­lipop

Girl: He’s like, “Why so cold?” and I’m like, “You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I can­not em­pha­size enough that you licked my ear.”

–43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ru­in our friend­ship?

–W 4th Street

Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eye­ball, mom?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: thank­ful­ly, not the mom

20-some­thing woman talk­ing to friends: So, hav­ing some guy re­al­ly close to your ear with his tongue out is the most hor­ri­fy­ing thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the sub­way. He emp­tied, like, an en­tire tube of tooth­paste on my hair and back and then pro­ceed­ed to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bath­room. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I did­n’t feel clean un­til I got home and took a show­er.

–Gift Shop, The Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: Lau­ren Weiss

Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.

–As­tor Place Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Shane and Sam­my

Pre­ten­tious red­head: So I said, “Please don’t lick me. I’m just try­ing to do my job.”

–Up­town E Train

Over­heard by: won­der­ing where she works