Archive for the ‘Hard Drugs’ Category

Just Re­mem­ber to Save the In­ter­course for Grades

Grad stu­dent girl: How did your work go to­day?
Grad stu­dent guy: Pret­ty good. I took some Adder­all. God, it helps–it’s like crack.
Grad stu­dent girl: Oh my god! Re­al­ly? I’ll suck your dick for a pill.
Grad stu­dent guy: Damn straight you will.

–Fish Bar, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: John-John

Son Of a Wednes­day One-Lin­er Man

Evan­ge­list out­side gym: You want to be a ma­cho man? Look at Je­sus!

–Broad­way & Prince

Street evan­ge­list on mi­cro­phone: Y’all ever see two fe­male pi­geons in bed to­geth­er?

–Ford­ham Plaza

Very ag­i­tat­ed priest: Je­sus was a zy­gote once–what if Mary abort­ed him?

–St. Luke’s Church, White­stone

Crazy sub­way evan­ge­list: If god could make me a good crack­head, you best be­lieve he could make me a good preach­er.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Gig­gling at crack

Preach­er: And that’s why your re­li­gion is null and void.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Al­fie

Tonight’s Movie: Shootin’ It Old School

Woman, shout­ing as she is be­ing told to leave build­ing: You ol’ crack­head bitch any­way!
Po­lice of­fi­cer: You’re that last per­son to be call­in’ some­one a crack­head.
Woman: I ain’t a crack­head. I’m a dope fiend! Dope fiend, dope fiend, dope fiend (re­peats un­til she leaves)

–Madi­son Square Food Court, 31st & 7th

Over­heard by: Jeff John­son

Is­n’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

Creep­ster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gand­hi?

–Cham­bers &and West Broad­way

Girl on cell: So I opened the en­ve­lope on the train… Yeah it was hero­in.

–W 46th Ave

Bum: Ex­cuse me! Hey, hey! Ex­cuse me! Check it out! I am go­ing to smoke crack all fuck­ing night, and there is­n’t any­thing any­one can do about it, be­cause that’s what I’m go­ing to do, I’m go­ing to smoke so much crack!

–West 4th at Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Cory

Guy to hun­gover girl: Every­day you look more and more like you do hero­in.

–Rel­ish Bar & Grill

Prep­py dude: I like do­ing drugs too much to be a Bud­dhist.

–Ar­lene’s Gro­cery

Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like say­ing hero­in is the on­ly drug to try!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Any­one Else Wish He’d Just Smoke the Crack Al­ready?

Base­ball fan #1: Oh, I’m go­ing to get laid tonight.
Base­ball fan #2: Are you go­ing to call Al­ice?
Base­ball fan #1: Oh no, you don’t un­der­stand my life, man! I’ve got this girl who just sits on a milk crate and sucks my cock!
Base­ball fan #2: Dude!
Base­ball fan #2: Where does she do this? On a crate? What?
Base­ball fan #1: You don’t un­der­stand my life, man! She just does it wher­ev­er! I’m lit­er­al­ly ready to smoke crack at any minute!
Base­ball fan #2: Man, we don’t want to know.
Base­ball fan #1: I’m ready to smoke crack at any minute! You just can’t con­trol these things.

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: si­mon