Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Lucy and Linus Enter the 21st Century

Eight-year-old girl to little brother on bike: Hey, asshole!
Little brother: What? Are you talking to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you're annoying me. You're pissin' me off!

–Central Park

Headline by: KateNonymous

Runners-Up:
· “And on That Day, Young Travis Bickle’s Life Took a Turn” – jlp
· “From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Donnie and Marie Show.” – Chris L
· “New Yorkers-in-Training” – Oren K
· “Sesame Street Has REALLY Changed” – Bob
· “When Cindy Mistook Her Dad’s Protein Shake for a Milkshake…” – fox

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Never Told You About the Jar on My Desk?

Suit #1: Good thing my girlfriend had an abortion, or I’d have a 16-year-old kid right now.
Suit #2: Yeah? I never heard this story.

–F Train

Overheard by: wb

Headline by: kasey

Runners-Up:
· “Haven’t You Ever Asked About My Framed Coathanger?” – Ian
· “Jesus; Always the Son, Never the Father” – benny blanco
· “Lifetime Wasn’t Interested” – Emily Leonard
· “Neither Did My Wife…” – phox
· “Once Upon a Vacuum…” – blistexaddict
· “Well Jimmy, When a Man and Woman Like Sex Without Commitments….” – mkp-hearts-nyc
· “Your Wife Was Pretty Insistent I Never Tell You” – Greg Costello

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Tower of Babble

Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susspect

Headline by: Matt Higgins

Runners-Up:

· “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” – Greg Costello

· “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” – Sabrina

· “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” – Chuck Roast

· “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” – Kristin

· “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” – Big Larry

· “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” – Grinning Idiot


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Sugar and Spice and Everything Ripe

Teen boy: You know, some guys think it’s cute when a girl farts.
Teen girl: That’s only until they smell it.

–1 train

Overheard by: anna

Headline by: jay

Runners-Up:

· “Dr. Strangelove or How I learned not to worry and love the bomb.” – Pavel

· “Find skidmarks in her panties and you’ve found a keeper” – Girls don’t do #2

· “Smells like teen sphincter” – Leon

· “Then they just get jealous.” – Peacock


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It Only Got Worse When She Whipped out an Abacus

Lady #1: That’s cute. [Gesturing to jungle-print stretchy book cover.] Where’d you get it?
Lady #2: The 99-cent store.
Lady #1: How much was it?

Headline by: peetower

Runners-Up:

· “And what did it cost to install it?” – Jerry Jeff

· “Green.” – sandie

· “The same as one of your “services”” – Numerica

· “There are three kinds of people in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” – Cousin Al

· “What’s in a name, really?” – Rionn Fears Malechem


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

That's What She Gets for Devouring That Goat That Was Tethered to the Ground

Girl #2: You’re so right! She does kind of look like a Tyrannosaur!
Girl #1: Oh my god, you’re so mean.
Girl #2: What? You said it first.
Girl #1: I said: “She kind of looks like a tennis player.”
Girl #2: Um, oh. Oops.

–1 Train

Overheard by: ouch.

Headline by: James

Runners-Up:
· “Either Way, She Makes Quite a Racket” – DotTim
· “I Always Get Lesbians and Giant Man-Eating Lizards Confused.” – L.J.
· “If It’s Martina Navratilova, They’re Both Right.” – Brady
· “It’s the Way She Devoured the Competition” – Markle9
· “Serenasaur or Venusaur?” – Matt
· “With the Racket and the Tiny Arms, It Could Really Go Either Way.” – Rosie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Larry

TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?

–Montefiore Medical Center

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:

· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi

· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie

· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth

· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hitler Did Kinda Focus on That One Star, Though…

College kid #1: …and the astrologers are having to completely change their predictions because Pluto’s not a planet anymore.
College kid #2: That’s crazy.
Random guy: Don’t make fun of astrology. Hitler took astrology seriously. So did Ronald Reagan. And kings and queens.

–1 train, 116th St

Overheard by: bluekale
Headline by: wiggity

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, The Queens Only Follow the Movements of Uranus” – Johnny B
· “Astrologists Predict Random Man Wearing Jack Boots Will Disembowel 2 College Kids” – dante mcnasty
· “I Thought Ronald Reagan Got Rid of All the Queens” – C.J.
· “Just When I Had Heard That Stupidity Was in Retrograde…” – tm78
· “Nostradumbass Lives On” – kathy
· “Pluto Is Just a Mickey Mouse Planet” – Elliott Sperber
· “Taurus: Keep Your Wits About You, as True Love Is Around the Corner. Also, You Will Invade Poland.” – Jim C.
· “What Did You Think the Star Wars Program Was About?” – Tom Dorey

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Barbara Bush Is So Fucking Self-righteous

Little girl seeing naked cowgirl: Mommy, how come I can see that lady’s boobies?
Mommy: Well, she’s letting everybody know it’s okay to breast feed.

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chadwick Vogel

Headline by: mbobbinson

Runners-Up:
· “…for Tips” – Melissa
· “And Why Did Daddy Just Walk Into a Pole?” – TJ
· “Her Thong Lets Everyone Know Tips Are Appreciated” – Dangello
· “How Come I Can See Her Vagina?” – Peter Madsen
· “Later, She’ll Ride the Mechanical Bull and Serve Us Milkshakes” – Dawn Elizabeth

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…

Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.

–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” – Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” – Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?'” – Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding'” – clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” – sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.'” – Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” – Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” – Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” – eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” – Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” – ilemanzer

Click here to see the new Headline Contest