Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Don’t Talk With Your Mouth Full

Middle-Aged man: I hope we don’t get caught.
Prostitute: Don’t worry, I never have.

–81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean

Runners-Up:
· “…Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force.” – Ingwall
· “Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “He Was Looking For, ”Cause Then We’d Have to Be Punished…'” – alex
· “I’ve Got My Lucky Condom” – Sheri
· “Is Hugh Grant Considered ‘Middle-Aged’?” – Matthew McGuirl
· “My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour” – Lois
· “Skip the Condom. She’s Been Tested, Too” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Take Your Father to Work Day” – Sean Mc Grath

Honorable mentions:
· “Charge Me If You Can” – petch
· “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em (in Public)” – Heather
· “They Were Talking About Their Braces.” – Allison

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Went to NYC and All I Got Was This Rash

Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e’rybody!

–4 train

Overheard by: Not Me

Headline by: VeggieGirl

Runners-Up:
· “As If We Need to Import That or Something” – gib
· “I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake” – Ken H.
· “Reader Survey: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!” – Fleetline
· “She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle” – The Heiress

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

He’s Just Not That Into You

Drunk girl: How much is a Miller Light tall boy?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.50?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.75 and my phone number?

Drunk girl gives beer vendor cell phone number.

Beer vendor: $3.

–Penn Station, LIRR

Overheard by: LC
Headline by: Anna-Liza

Runners-Up:
· “Your Jedi Mind Tricks Don’t Work While Drunk” – Anna Nio
· “‘Mommy, How Did You and Daddy Meet?'” – Becca
· “But in Syosset, I’m Beautiful” – Anastasia Beaverhausen

Honorable Mentions:
· “Losing Her Dignity for a Miller Light: Priceless” – mellamaphone
· “Ah, the Reflexive Property of Beer” – Mikey G
· “In his Defense, He Advertises ‘Cold and Frosty'” – Mike T
· “Yeah, I Tried that Line with the Laundry Machine Yesterday” – jumanji
· “C’mon! My Number Really Is 867-5309.” – will manning

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Médico Strangelove, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bong

Teen girl: Yeah, everyone says I’m really bohemian.
Teen guy: Wait, I thought you were Mexican.

–N train
Headline by: Hawley Smoot

Runners-Up:
· “Are you poor or just pretending to be poor?” – Eli!
· “Because Of The Whole ‘Dirty Sanchez’ Thing, Right?” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “Bohemia: Czechs think it’s a Kingdom, Mexicans think it’s a beer. Our scientists have traced this rift in Space-Time to a New York N-Train.” – Hawley Smoot
· “Breaking News: Uptown Lawmakers Unanimously Decide to Build Twenty-Foot-Tall Fence Along 14th St.” – Alex
· “Either way, the Republicans will want to deport her” – Russ Wall
· “Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Figaro! Mexico!” – aileron
· “Mary Kate and Ashley overset the Tanning bed clock” – jojo
· “No I said I want to BE in Rent, not I can’t PAY my rent” – Riley Ray
· “Poncho Profiling” – Kaleena
· “Rhapsody in Brown” – hawaiianinny
· “The venn diagram just looks like one circle.” – Duckbill Oedipus
· “Understandable, since she smokes clove cigarettes outside of Chipotle on St. Mark’s” – chris
· “We use Pinatas to hide our weed” – Fudgie D Whale
· “Yes, I’m half Czech, but you’re all conformist.” – eyp

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Tofu : Vegetables :: Dick Cheney : Humans

Veggie-curious girl: I like to get this really great dressing and then add all sorts of interesting vegetables.
Supportive friend: Like what?
Veggie-curious girl: Tofu!

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: receptionist

Headline by: EddieA

Runners-Up:
· “And Croutons!” – Vanessa
· “Gesundheit!” – Sandy Paws
· “If Regan Can Make Ketchup a Vegetable, Why the Fuck Not?” – Humberto
· “It’s the Other White Vegetable” – do2na
· “Sometimes I Get Crazy and Add Bacon Bits!” – Botticus
· “The Vitamin Deficiency Related Death Was Really No Surprise” – Proletariat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Or Ugly People… Still You.

Woman digging through scarves: Do you think these are for older people?
Male pal: Yes, for older people. For you.

–The Met store

Overheard by: akka

Headline by: Stretchen

Runners-Up:
· “Definetely In The Friend Zone” – Dion
· “Never Insult a Woman with a Perfect Choking Device” – Megan
· “No One Said Ashton Kutcher Was Bright” – punk’d
· “That’s It. I’m Leaving My Teeth in Next Time I Blow You.” – laladypoet
· “They Help Catch the Drool” – Dan
· “Well That’s the Last He’ll See Of the Sagging Sisters” – L

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Tuesdays with Morrie Used to Be Way Less Awkward

Guy #1 holding porn DVD: I would so love to fuck a girl that was into DP.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too, but ball touching is so gay, and I’m trying to recover from the cock.

Headline by: Will

Runners-Up:

· “Because hot cock requires cold turkey” – Greg Costello

· “He also just had laser surgery for his masturbatory blindness” – remark

· “I know dad, i know.” – nick

· “I think there’s a 12 inch program for that.” – nick

· “Rectum? That rooster nearly killed ‘im!” – Dalton

· “Step One: Stop going to the porn shop with your “buddy”” – DanaLishs


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

See What You've Started, Beyonce?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: GJL

Headline by: Porter

Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” – Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” – bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” – JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” – Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” – EddieA

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

White Folks Still Claim Jesus Was A Cracker

Teen boy: Do you know where I can find those Communion wafers? I want to eat them with salsa.
Friend: Um, you can’t just eat those. It’s the body of Christ.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Jason
Headline by: Bored Beyond Belief

Runners-Up:
· “Besides, Three Days Later You’ll Be Hungry Again” – Sparky
· “…And After Three days, He Arose, with Craving for Pico de Gallo” – Russ Wall
· “…And They’re 2000 Years Past Their Expiration Date” – John
· “And Stop Putting Salt on the Rim of the Chalice” – Amy Stephenson
· “Betcha Can’t Transubstantiate Just One” – chris
· “Body of Satan Has More Tang Anyway” – Jessica
· “Friends Don’t Let Friends Go to Church Stoned” – Pix
· “If Jesus Wanted Us to Eat Him with Salsa, He’d Be Appearing on Tortillas…. Oh… Wait.” – ilemanzer
· “Look for the Bag Marked ‘Corpus Crispy'” – Slept thru the Sermon
· “My God Stays Crunchy in Milk” – Benedict
· “That’s What You Said about the Last Donut, Too” – SDP
· “The Next Special Ingredient on Iron Chef” – dan
· “They’re Best Served with Dogma” – zg
· “Try the Taco Bells of St. Mary’s” – jules

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Puts the ‘Narc’ in Narcissism

Girl looking in mirror: You know what? I would make a really good-looking crack whore.
Boy: What? … Probably.

–Weinstein Residence Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Emily

Headline by: Ethan

Runners-Up:

· “All he heard was “whore”” – Marigumi

· “Holding the mirror between her legs” – anne nahm

· “I’ll agree with whatever gets me laid” – Dustin

· “Lose a few teef, add a few bruises, I be shinin'” – Dingolite

· “This Is Your Brain on Uggs” – NK


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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