Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

Lit­tle Did He Know Her Cred­it Came With Ze­ro In­ter­est

His­pan­ic guy, not­ing hot chick passer­by: Hey, ba­by.
Hot chick: (rolls eyes)
His­pan­ic guy: (takes off shirt and puts it on the ground for her to walk over)
Hot chick, stop­ping: I’ll give you some cred­it for that one…but fuck off. (con­tin­ues walk­ing)

–50th & 9th

Over­heard by: passer­by

Head­line by: ddv

· “A Drama­ti­za­tion Of Citibank’s Cred­it Pro­to­col” — No­Cre­d­it
· “But…I Would Have Tak­en You to 4th Meal!” — Mad­dy
· “How Many Cred­its Do I Need to Save Up For a Blowjob?” — mark
· “It Was a Bad Day To For­get That He Was Wear­ing a Sports Bra” — Nick Pol­lot­ta
· “Matthew Mc­Conaugh­ey Fi­nal­ly Gets Some Cred.…” — Rain­danceRichard
· “Next Time He Won’t Give a Shirt” — Sim Etrias
· “Raleigh Gets the Old “Fuck Ye” From Eliz­a­beth Yet Again” — Lau­reen

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She Is So Go­ing To Re­gret Be­ing Named Scat Now

Twen­tysome­thing woman to friends: Yeah, I was think­ing I should re­al­ly google my­self too, so I can fi­nal­ly like…
Friend: See what you do?
Twen­tysome­thing woman: Yeah!

–122nd, be­tween Broad­way and Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: amarg

Head­line by: Del

· “Deb­bie From Dal­las Will Be in For a Shock…” — Bare­Naked­La­dy
· “Google: Solv­ing Ex­is­ten­tial Crises Since 1998” — Ely Hen­ry
· “Put a Tow­el Down First” — Kevin P
· “Sta­cy Finds Out What All Those Lit­tle Blink­ing Red Lights in Her Boyfriend’s Bed­room Were All About.” — danielle
· “Van­i­ty, Thy Name Is Google!” — fester60613

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So That’s What Hap­pened to the Ghost of Rod­ney Dan­ger­field.

Woman #1: Have you ever been with a mar­ried man?
Woman #2: No. Not even when I was mar­ried.

–23rd & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: C‑Belle

Head­line by: Rob

· “…But My Hus­band Has.” — Jen
· “Among the More Com­mon Tran­sex­u­al Para­dox­es” — Leary Blaine
· “I Could Nev­er Sched­ule an Ap­point­ment With His Sec­re­tary” — Liz­zay
· “I Knew There Was a Rea­son I Should­n’t Have Mar­ried a Priest…” — Lukas
· “What Are You Try­ing to Say, Mom?” — dazed and con­fused

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I See You Share My Af­flic­tion, Broth­er

Tick­et sell­er: Hey guy! Wan­na see a com­e­dy show?
Teenag­er: Sor­ry, I was born with­out a sense of hu­mor.
Tick­et sell­er: Go fuck your­self!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Vin­ny B

Head­line by: To­by

· “It Would Have Been Fun­nier If He Was­n’t an Autis­tic Her­maph­ro­dite” — Pro­le
· “Jim­my Fal­lon Turns Down Tick­ets to His Own Show” — wal­ty
· “Now *That* Would Be Quite a Show…” — Green Star
· “Re­al­ly? I Was Born with Tour­rettes…” — Chad King

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Lucy and Li­nus En­ter the 21st Cen­tu­ry

Eight-year-old girl to lit­tle broth­er on bike: Hey, ass­hole!
Lit­tle broth­er: What? Are you talk­ing to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you’re an­noy­ing me. You’re pissin’ me off!

–Cen­tral Park

Head­line by: KateNony­mous

· “And on That Day, Young Travis Bick­le’s Life Took a Turn” — jlp
· “From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Don­nie and Marie Show.” — Chris L
· “New York­ers-in-Train­ing” — Oren K
· “Sesame Street Has RE­AL­LY Changed” — Bob
· “When Cindy Mis­took Her Dad’s Pro­tein Shake for a Milk­shake…” — fox

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I Nev­er Told You About the Jar on My Desk?

Suit #1: Good thing my girl­friend had an abor­tion, or I’d have a 16-year-old kid right now.
Suit #2: Yeah? I nev­er heard this sto­ry.

–F Train

Over­heard by: wb

Head­line by: kasey

· “Haven’t You Ever Asked About My Framed Coathang­er?” — Ian
· “Je­sus; Al­ways the Son, Nev­er the Fa­ther” — ben­ny blan­co
· “Life­time Was­n’t In­ter­est­ed” — Emi­ly Leonard
· “Nei­ther Did My Wife…” — phox
· “Once Up­on a Vac­u­um…” — blis­tex­ad­dict
· “Well Jim­my, When a Man and Woman Like Sex With­out Com­mit­ments.…” — mkp-hearts-nyc
· “Your Wife Was Pret­ty In­sis­tent I Nev­er Tell You” — Greg Costel­lo

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Tow­er of Bab­ble

Kid: I speak sev­en dif­fer­ent lan­guages.
Mom: The on­ly lan­guage you speak is Stu­pid.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Susspect

Head­line by: Matt Hig­gins


· “And your Man­darin is con­ver­sa­tion­al at best” — Greg Costel­lo

· “Bar­bara Bush reach­es her tip­ping point.” — Sab­ri­na

· “But I got the Vile Cunt ac­cent from you , mom.” — Chuck Roast

· “Kill his con­fi­dence so you don’t have to pay for Har­vard” — Kristin

· “Ob­vi­ous­ly, it’s his “Moth­er Tongue”” — Big Lar­ry

· “The wit of your re­ply has left me aghast and inar­tic­u­late, moth­er” — Grin­ning Id­iot

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Sug­ar and Spice and Every­thing Ripe

Teen boy: You know, some guys think it’s cute when a girl farts.
Teen girl: That’s on­ly un­til they smell it.

–1 train

Over­heard by: an­na

Head­line by: jay


· “Dr. Strangelove or How I learned not to wor­ry and love the bomb.” — Pavel

· “Find skid­marks in her panties and you’ve found a keep­er” — Girls don’t do #2

· “Smells like teen sphinc­ter” — Leon

· “Then they just get jeal­ous.” — Pea­cock

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It On­ly Got Worse When She Whipped out an Aba­cus

La­dy #1: That’s cute. [Ges­tur­ing to jun­gle-print stretchy book cov­er.] Where’d you get it?
La­dy #2: The 99-cent store.
La­dy #1: How much was it?

Head­line by: pee­tow­er


· “And what did it cost to in­stall it?” — Jer­ry Jeff

· “Green.” — sandie

· “The same as one of your “ser­vices”” — Nu­mer­i­ca

· “There are three kinds of peo­ple in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” — Cousin Al

· “What’s in a name, re­al­ly?” — Ri­onn Fears Malechem

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That’s What She Gets for De­vour­ing That Goat That Was Teth­ered to the Ground

Girl #2: You’re so right! She does kind of look like a Tyran­nosaur!
Girl #1: Oh my god, you’re so mean.
Girl #2: What? You said it first.
Girl #1: I said: “She kind of looks like a ten­nis play­er.“
Girl #2: Um, oh. Oops.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: ouch.

Head­line by: James

· “Ei­ther Way, She Makes Quite a Rack­et” — Dot­Tim
· “I Al­ways Get Les­bians and Gi­ant Man-Eat­ing Lizards Con­fused.” — L.J.
· “If It’s Mar­ti­na Navratilo­va, They’re Both Right.” — Brady
· “It’s the Way She De­voured the Com­pe­ti­tion” — Markle9
· “Ser­e­nasaur or Venusaur?” — Matt
· “With the Rack­et and the Tiny Arms, It Could Re­al­ly Go Ei­ther Way.” — Rosie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test