Archive for the ‘Headline Contest Winners’ Category

She Is So Going To Regret Being Named Scat Now

Twentysomething woman to friends: Yeah, I was thinking I should really google myself too, so I can finally like…
Friend: See what you do?
Twentysomething woman: Yeah!

–122nd, between Broadway and Amsterdam

Overheard by: amarg

Headline by: Del

Runners-Up:
· “Debbie From Dallas Will Be in For a Shock…” — BareNakedLady
· “Google: Solving Existential Crises Since 1998” — Ely Henry
· “Put a Towel Down First” — Kevin P
· “Stacy Finds Out What All Those Little Blinking Red Lights in Her Boyfriend’s Bedroom Were All About.” — danielle
· “Vanity, Thy Name Is Google!” — fester60613

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So That’s What Happened to the Ghost of Rodney Dangerfield.

Woman #1: Have you ever been with a married man?
Woman #2: No. Not even when I was married.

–23rd & 9th Ave

Overheard by: C‑Belle

Headline by: Rob

Runners-Up:
· “…But My Husband Has.” — Jen
· “Among the More Common Transexual Paradoxes” — Leary Blaine
· “I Could Never Schedule an Appointment With His Secretary” — Lizzay
· “I Knew There Was a Reason I Shouldn’t Have Married a Priest…” — Lukas
· “What Are You Trying to Say, Mom?” — dazed and confused

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I See You Share My Affliction, Brother

Ticket seller: Hey guy! Wanna see a comedy show?
Teenager: Sorry, I was born without a sense of humor.
Ticket seller: Go fuck yourself!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Vinny B

Headline by: Toby

Runners-Up:
· “It Would Have Been Funnier If He Wasn’t an Autistic Hermaphrodite” — Prole
· “Jimmy Fallon Turns Down Tickets to His Own Show” — walty
· “Now *That* Would Be Quite a Show…” — Green Star
· “Really? I Was Born with Tourrettes…” — Chad King

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Lucy and Linus Enter the 21st Century

Eight-year-old girl to little brother on bike: Hey, asshole!
Little brother: What? Are you talking to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you’re annoying me. You’re pissin’ me off!

–Central Park

Headline by: KateNonymous

Runners-Up:
· “And on That Day, Young Travis Bickle’s Life Took a Turn” — jlp
· “From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Donnie and Marie Show.” — Chris L
· “New Yorkers-in-Training” — Oren K
· “Sesame Street Has REALLY Changed” — Bob
· “When Cindy Mistook Her Dad’s Protein Shake for a Milkshake…” — fox

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I Never Told You About the Jar on My Desk?

Suit #1: Good thing my girlfriend had an abortion, or I’d have a 16-year-old kid right now.
Suit #2: Yeah? I never heard this story.

–F Train

Overheard by: wb

Headline by: kasey

Runners-Up:
· “Haven’t You Ever Asked About My Framed Coathanger?” — Ian
· “Jesus; Always the Son, Never the Father” — benny blanco
· “Lifetime Wasn’t Interested” — Emily Leonard
· “Neither Did My Wife…” — phox
· “Once Upon a Vacuum…” — blistexaddict
· “Well Jimmy, When a Man and Woman Like Sex Without Commitments.…” — mkp-hearts-nyc
· “Your Wife Was Pretty Insistent I Never Tell You” — Greg Costello

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Tower of Babble

Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susspect

Headline by: Matt Higgins

Runners-Up:

· “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” — Greg Costello

· “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” — Sabrina

· “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” — Chuck Roast

· “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” — Kristin

· “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” — Big Larry

· “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” — Grinning Idiot


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Sugar and Spice and Everything Ripe

Teen boy: You know, some guys think it’s cute when a girl farts.
Teen girl: That’s only until they smell it.

–1 train

Overheard by: anna

Headline by: jay

Runners-Up:

· “Dr. Strangelove or How I learned not to worry and love the bomb.” — Pavel

· “Find skidmarks in her panties and you’ve found a keeper” — Girls don’t do #2

· “Smells like teen sphincter” — Leon

· “Then they just get jealous.” — Peacock


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It Only Got Worse When She Whipped out an Abacus

Lady #1: That’s cute. [Gesturing to jungle-print stretchy book cover.] Where’d you get it?
Lady #2: The 99-cent store.
Lady #1: How much was it?

Headline by: peetower

Runners-Up:

· “And what did it cost to install it?” — Jerry Jeff

· “Green.” — sandie

· “The same as one of your “services”” — Numerica

· “There are three kinds of people in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” — Cousin Al

· “What’s in a name, really?” — Rionn Fears Malechem


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That’s What She Gets for Devouring That Goat That Was Tethered to the Ground

Girl #2: You’re so right! She does kind of look like a Tyrannosaur!
Girl #1: Oh my god, you’re so mean.
Girl #2: What? You said it first.
Girl #1: I said: “She kind of looks like a tennis player.“
Girl #2: Um, oh. Oops.

–1 Train

Overheard by: ouch.

Headline by: James

Runners-Up:
· “Either Way, She Makes Quite a Racket” — DotTim
· “I Always Get Lesbians and Giant Man-Eating Lizards Confused.” — L.J.
· “If It’s Martina Navratilova, They’re Both Right.” — Brady
· “It’s the Way She Devoured the Competition” — Markle9
· “Serenasaur or Venusaur?” — Matt
· “With the Racket and the Tiny Arms, It Could Really Go Either Way.” — Rosie

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Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Larry

TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…‘
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?

–Montefiore Medical Center

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:

· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” — Roxi

· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” — Mikie

· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” — Kenneth

· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” — bella


Click here to see the new Headline Contest