Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in Smell-O-Vi­sion

Hip­ster girl: I’d rather face the stig­ma of buy­ing fem­i­nine hy­giene prod­ucts than face the stig­ma of hav­ing a stinky hoo-ha.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: agreed

Girl: Re­mem­ber Di­ana? Stinky Di­ana? She’s back, and she’s get­ting mar­ried.

–West 47th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Pe­ter G

Chick: If I’m go­ing to play beer pong, I need to be fra­grant.

–Sam­my’s, 11th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: McF

Lit­tle boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels!

–5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope

Voice on in­ter­com: The Chil­dren’s Sec­tion is closed due to… that smell.

–NY Pub­lic Li­brary, East 96th St

Over­heard by: Di­ane

Chick: So, did you smell your toi­let pa­per?

–Mo­MA cafe

Over­heard by: Sweet­tart

It Makes It Look Big­ger

Girl­friend: So, my Christo­pher is a lit­tle fem­i­nine some­times…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shav­ing this morn­ing!
Dude: Yeah, but shav­ing what, is the ques­tion.
Girl­friend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yes­ter­day.
Dude, dis­gust­ed: I was talk­ing about your legs, but thanks…

–Her­shey’s store, Times Square

Over­heard by: equal­ly dis­gust­ed

You May Need to Ex­fo­li­ate and Mois­tur­ize

Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dan­druff. I need to like get rid of it be­cause I can nev­er wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Ex­cept I have crotch dan­druff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snow­ing.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?

And Is­n’t a “Safe­ty Po­si­tion”, Like, a Sex Thing?

Col­lege girl #1: I mean, if I saw a per­son seiz­ing in the mid­dle of the street, I prob­a­bly would­n’t help them.
Col­lege girl #2: Yeah, I would­n’t know what to do.
Col­lege girl #1: She said that be­cause of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safe­ty po­si­tion, but I don’t even know what that means! I mean, if a per­son is hav­ing a seizure, I don’t think any po­si­tion is very safe for them…

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Scar­lett

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Join the Jet Set

South­ern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that air­plane so you can vom­it.

–66th be­tween CPW and Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Char­lie

Dirt­bag: Man, I have to get over to Eu­rope. I got­ta sell a fuck­ing kid­ney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah ba­by, yeah, I’m still in Lon­don. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednes­day, ba­by.

–West 4th & Jane

Con­duc­tor: You’re now en­ter­ing the coun­try of Brook­lyn. Please have your pass­ports ready…

–F train

Over­heard by: Paul Eng