Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Wednesday One-liners Join the Jet Set

Southern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that airplane so you can vomit.

–66th between CPW and Columbus

Overheard by: Charlie

Dirtbag: Man, I have to get over to Europe. I gotta sell a fucking kidney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah baby, yeah, I’m still in London. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednesday, baby.

–West 4th & Jane

Conductor: You’re now entering the country of Brooklyn. Please have your passports ready…

–F train

Overheard by: Paul Eng

Think I Could Pass Off Bulimia As Repeated Exorcisms?

Black girl #1: You look great. You are like wasting away from your fast.
Black girl #2: Thanks! I asked my brother the other day if I continued fasting after Lent ends, would that be considered a diet or just anorexia?
Black girl #3: Oh my god! I always want to do that.
Black girl #2: He said anorexia, but I'm still thinking about it.

–Town Hall, 43rd St

Overheard by: jesus would be so proud

… So I Maced Him.

College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?’
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Wednesday One-Liners Seek Asylum

Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a total slut.

–39th St & 3rd Ave

NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she really is a crazy bitch. At least I’m getting a book out of it, though. I’m going to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fucking Nuts.

–Washington Square Park

Conductor: Someone has lost a bag of marbles in the cafe car. I repeat, we have a bag of marbles found in the cafe car. Has anyone lost their marbles?

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Communications & media studies professor: I don’t mean to pontificate, but this is the last day of class and I have some important advice for you — never sleep with anyone who is crazier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trouble.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Switching Departments

10-year-old boy waiting for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m insane, I’m insane, okay!

–Outside Met Food, Cortelyou Rd & E 16th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Leela

More Americans Get Their Delusions from ABC News Than from any Other Source

Woman: I used to be delusional.
Friend: What was happening, were you medicated?
Woman: Oh yes, I had to be severely medicated. I thought I was going to marry Peter Jennings.
Friend: Was it hard for you when he died?
Woman: Actually, I was selfishly happy because I didn’t have to worry about having delusions about him anymore.

–W 105th St & Amsterdam Ave