Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he’s not dead. If you come back and he’s still lying there, he’s dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.

–23th & 7th

Overheard by: mel

Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you’re going to eat a bad mushroom and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Overheard by: Critter

Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!

–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport

Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you’re banking on dying young, then?

–Art Store, Williamsburg

Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I’ve got bloodlust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: JKW

Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?

–Park Ave

Way to Raise Your Kid to Be a Total Drag.

Little boy, watching teen girl smoking: Why are people always smoking cigarettes?
Dad: Because they are addictive. That is why daddy quit. Do you want to tell the nice girl what will happen to her if she doesn’t quit?
Little boy: Well, first you’ll get really sick. And then you’ll die. (pause) And then you’ll be dead!

–15th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it’s my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

Lady #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
Lady #2: Are you kidding? Listen, honey, let me tell you…I just finished my starter marriage, and I’ve been dating like crazy! 

–6 train

Overheard by: BBW 

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Isn’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yesterday, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Overheard by: fridayweasel 

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sandwich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not going to change the fact that he did it and he’s probably just going to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the satisfaction of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your period is ending.

–Q train