Archive for the ‘Health and Hygiene’ Category

And Is­n’t a “Safe­ty Po­si­tion”, Like, a Sex Thing?

Col­lege girl #1: I mean, if I saw a per­son seiz­ing in the mid­dle of the street, I prob­a­bly would­n’t help them.
Col­lege girl #2: Yeah, I would­n’t know what to do.
Col­lege girl #1: She said that be­cause of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safe­ty po­si­tion, but I don’t even know what that means! I mean, if a per­son is hav­ing a seizure, I don’t think any po­si­tion is very safe for them…

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Scar­lett

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Join the Jet Set

South­ern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that air­plane so you can vom­it.

–66th be­tween CPW and Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Char­lie

Dirt­bag: Man, I have to get over to Eu­rope. I got­ta sell a fuck­ing kid­ney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah ba­by, yeah, I’m still in Lon­don. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednes­day, ba­by.

–West 4th & Jane

Con­duc­tor: You’re now en­ter­ing the coun­try of Brook­lyn. Please have your pass­ports ready…

–F train

Over­heard by: Paul Eng

Think I Could Pass Off Bu­lim­ia As Re­peat­ed Ex­or­cisms?

Black girl #1: You look great. You are like wast­ing away from your fast.
Black girl #2: Thanks! I asked my broth­er the oth­er day if I con­tin­ued fast­ing af­ter Lent ends, would that be con­sid­ered a di­et or just anorex­ia?
Black girl #3: Oh my god! I al­ways want to do that.
Black girl #2: He said anorex­ia, but I’m still think­ing about it.

–Town Hall, 43rd St

Over­heard by: je­sus would be so proud

… So I Maced Him.

Col­lege girl: When­ev­er I tell any­one that I was there when you dis­lo­cat­ed your shoul­der they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were hav­ing sex.
20-ish guy: Ha­ha­ha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it hap­pen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
Col­lege girl, ex­cit­ed­ly: That’s ex­act­ly what my dad said!

–River­side Park

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Seek Asy­lum

Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I would­n’t do that, and I’m a to­tal slut.

–39th St & 3rd Ave

NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she re­al­ly is a crazy bitch. At least I’m get­ting a book out of it, though. I’m go­ing to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fuck­ing Nuts.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Con­duc­tor: Some­one has lost a bag of mar­bles in the cafe car. I re­peat, we have a bag of mar­bles found in the cafe car. Has any­one lost their mar­bles?

–Am­trak, Penn Sta­tion

Com­mu­ni­ca­tions & me­dia stud­ies pro­fes­sor: I don’t mean to pon­tif­i­cate, but this is the last day of class and I have some im­por­tant ad­vice for you — nev­er sleep with any­one who is cra­zier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trou­ble.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Switch­ing De­part­ments

10-year-old boy wait­ing for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m in­sane, I’m in­sane, okay!

–Out­side Met Food, Corte­ly­ou Rd & E 16th St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Leela