Archive for the ‘Heat’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Re­fer to 110th Street As ‘Down­town’

Ex­change stu­dent: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.

–Co­lum­bia

20-ish male: Ac­tu­al­ly, glob­al warm­ing is on­ly go­ing to ben­e­fit New York City.

–Co­lum­bia

Over­heard by: mar­ti­na m.

Chick: I am not eat­ing some­where with a mis­placed apos­tro­phe in its menu.

–Co­lum­bia

Over­heard by: La­dle

Young Co­lum­bia stu­dent: Yeah, so all of a sud­den I was walk­ing home drunk, in a di­a­per, with a huge scar.

–1 train

Co­lum­bia grad stu­dent: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m mak­ing mon­ey for the school! I’m mak­ing mon­ey for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’

–1 train

Stu­dent to an­oth­er: As for the ar­ti­cle, I don’t care about the truth of my ar­gu­ment. I care about peo­ple know­ing how big my pe­nis is.

–Co­lum­bia

Con­duc­tor: This is 116th Street, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty. Good luck pay­ing your tu­ition.

–116th St

Over­heard by: Sam

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are So Hot Right Now

Big mus­cu­lar man on cell: It’s so damn hot, I’m glad I’m not wear­ing make­up.

–Out­side Tribeca Deli

Over­heard by: Akiko

Con­duc­tor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Num­ber 3 train across the plat­form. Get it while it’s hot!

–Down­town 1 Train

El­der­ly black woman to no one in par­tic­u­lar: It’s so hot my pussy is melt­ing!

–12th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: lem­chek

En­thu­si­as­tic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to mar­ry him!

–Thomp­son & W 3rd St

Guy: I’m telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from un­der my tow­el and fell on the floor… like they was try­ing to es­cape or some­thing.

–Star­bucks

Dude to friend: I wan­na say she’s hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who ac­cepts Dis­cov­er.

–The Vil­lage

Ac­cord­ing to the An­cient Law, You Snooze, You Lose

(pas­sen­gers start clos­ing bus win­dows be­cause of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That win­dow’s still open.
Girl #2 (reach­ing over sleep­ing girl and clos­ing it): Oh my god, I feel like I’m her sav­ior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it’s re­al­ly hot. Should we open a win­dow?
Girl #1: Fine. (reach­es over and opens the win­dow next to the sleep­ing girl)
Girl #2: You’re evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren’t think­ing of do­ing the same ex­act thing.

–Bronx Sci­ence Val­lo Bus

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ask: Hot Enough For Ya?

Lo­gis­ti­cal ge­nius: If the pow­er goes out and we lose the air con­di­tion­ing, we can al­ways use the fans.

–So­Ho

Dude on cell: Am I keep­ing it re­al? I’m wear­ing a God­damn blaz­er, and it’s 100 de­grees out. Of course I’m keep­ing it re­al!

–Hud­son & Leroy

Con­duc­tor: Now, I know it’s re­al hot out there, so this is what I do when I’m walk­ing down the streets of New York and try­ing to keep cool. I just sing this lit­tle song to my­self: “I’m dream­ing of a white Christ­mas, just like the ones I used to know”…All right, you all, this is 68th Street. Keep cool out there.

–A train

Over­heard by: Chloe

Woman to her son: It’s too hot for stu­pid­ness.

–59th St

Pros­e­ly­tiz­er: You think this is hot? Hell is hot!

–Up­town N train

Over­heard by: Cpt. Kate

Guy on cell: How you been do­ing in this heatwave?…That’s hot…Well, now I’m get­ting all hot, think­ing of my hot, sweaty cousin.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: No­zo­mi

Ded­i­cat­ed em­ploy­ee: Frankly, the on­ly rea­son I’m go­ing in to work to­day is be­cause they have bet­ter air con­di­tion­ing than I do.

–Man­hat­tan bound R train

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Fast Times at Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Teacher: My fa­ther al­ways told me, “Nev­er run away from a fight. If the guy’s big­ger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, ’cause this dude’s gonna kill you!”

–Stuyvesant High School

Teacher: Okay. Emer­gency pro­ce­dures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.

–Stuyvesant High School

Over­heard by: Goober

Chi­nese teacher (re­fer­ring to Sichuan earth­quake): They had a say­ing af­ter the earth­quake hap­pened that orig­i­nates from a male part. “Peo­ple are sup­posed to rise up, and get hard!” …and be strong.

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Math teacher: Give me your lit­tle men!

–Spence School

Eng­lish teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teach­ing gram­mar in 90-de­gree weath­er. (stu­dent is silent) I’m not go­ing to hit you.

–Brook­lyn Tech

Over­heard by: Julie