Archive for the ‘Hell’ Category

Wedne­say One-lin­ers, The End

Frat­boy: They’re go­ing to tear that build­ing down, be­cause it’s se­ri­ous­ly de­crap­i­tat­ed. I mean, just to­tal­ly de­crap­i­tat­ed.

–BAM Cin­e­matek

Girl on cell: He’s go­ing to hell and I don’t even care. He’s go­ing to die and I’m fine with it.

–Hous­ton & 1st Ave.

Guy: My mom was go­ing through menopause, and I could to­tal­ly re­late.

–Lafayette & 3rd St.

Over­heard by: Tedd

Well, That’s One Way in Hell

Guy #1: You know Ja­son?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and every­thing.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend any­more!
Guy #1: Don’t wor­ry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not in­ter­est­ed in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Ja­son is straight.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Ting

You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Eleven)

In a cof­feeshop in Los An­ge­les (the Nov­el cafe in San­ta Mon­i­ca), a tu­tor is giv­ing a be­gin­ning Span­ish les­son to a stu­dent at the ta­ble next to me. The stu­dent is read­ing a news­pa­per ar­ti­cle in Span­ish, and then trans­lat­ing each sen­tence word by word:

Stu­dent: “I don’t know what this word, ‘deca­da’ means”
Teacher: “What do you think it means?”
Stu­dent: “I don’t know”
Teacher: “Guess.”
Stu­dent: “I re­al­ly don’t know”
Teacher: “Here’s a hint. It’s very sim­i­lar to an Eng­lish word”
Stu­dent: “ ‘Deca­da’? De­ca.…. I have no idea”
Teacher: “It’s al­most iden­ti­cal to the Eng­lish word”
Stu­dent: “uh­h­h­hh”
Teacher: “There’s on­ly one let­ter dif­fer­ence”
Stu­dent: “de­ca.…?”
Teacher: “C’­mon, what do you think?”
Stu­dent: “I re­al­ly have no idea”
(Teacher pinch­es her on the nose!)
Teacher: “It’s Decade!!!”
Stu­dent: “Ah­h­h­hh!!!! Okay! I feel stu­pid!”

Bin­go in the Parish Hall Pre­pares You for Eter­nal Tor­ment

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I cel­e­brate East­er. I’m Catholic. It’s tra­di­tion for my fam­i­ly to go gam­bling in At­lantic City that day.
Teenage girl #2: Wait, is­n’t that one of the sev­en un­for­giv­able vices? You’re do­ing it on East­er, too. Ha­ha.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, well… We don’t re­al­ly be­lieve in that re­li­gion bull­shit. At­lantic City al­lows us to stick it to the man.
Teenage girl #1: Is that Je­sus? Wow, you’re go­ing to hell.

–51st & Park Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Cast the First Stone

Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.

–El­e­va­tor, Brook­lyn Law School dorm

Guy on cell: That’s be­cause I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t con­sid­er that a sin.

–50th & 7th

Over­heard by: Proud Sin­ner

Man: If hell had a bath­room, this would be it.

–LIRR bath­room, Penn Sta­tion

Pas­sen­ger: This is the train to hell–and we’re in the first car!

–L train, pass­ing 1st Ave with­out stop­ping

Over­heard by: Ciara&Andrea

Girl on cell: It’s not sell­ing your soul to the dev­il if it pays the rent.

–Star­bucks, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: M. Nofi­er

Hea­then: I’m wor­ried be­cause we’re go­ing to Burn­ing Man, which, you know, is not church camp.

–Rope, Myr­tle be­tween Clin­ton & Van­der­bilt, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: our la­dy mess

Young queer: The Je­sus man touched me fun­ny!

–36th & 6th

Over­heard by: He touched me too