Middle aged man: I feel as though methamphetamines don’t destroy your mind so much as ruin your body and make you cover it in tattoos. It’s not like they were on heroin.
Companion, nodding his head: Mmm-hmm.
–5th St & 19th St
Archive for the ‘Heroin’ Category
…So I’ll Ask Their Names First.
Preppy white girl, about friend’s shirt: I wanna party like a rock star!
Punk guy friend: So you want to play a show, shoot up heroin, fuck a stranger, then do it all again in another state the next night?
Preppy white girl: I don’t wanna fuck strangers!
–Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: diex-romantic
Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now
Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?
–St Mark’s & Ave A
Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I’m trippin’! Oh, god, I’m shroomin’!
–Delancey St
Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?
–Times Square
Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.
–Jane & 4th St
Overheard by: M Tod
Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine’s Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it’s not drugs?
–The Diana Center, Barnard College
Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I’m high. (audience laughs) Don’t blog that!
–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St
Overheard by: Allison
Is He a Product Tester?
Suit #1: So my cousin in Scranton is also pregnant.
Suit #2: Yeah, what’s the father like?
Suit #1: Complete loser.
Suit #2: Sucks, man. What does he do for work again?
Suit #1: Heroin.
–27th & 3rd
Overheard by: Chris Haddad
In That We Used to Throw Up and Nod Off Together
Woman to friend who just met and hugged a stranger: Who was that?
Friend: Oh, that’s my heroin buddy.
–Myrtle Ave
Honey, There Is No “They,” There’s Just Us, and We’re Fucked Up
20-something girl #1, about energy drinks: Everyone drinks them. I figure if they were so bad they’d make them illegal.
20-something girl #2, sarcastically: Yeah… like cigarettes and alcohol are illegal.
20-something girl #1: Heroin is illegal. That’s definitely bad.
–Central Park
Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners
20-something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
The Forgotten Victims Of the Recession
Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That’s why I switched to heroin.
–Bryant Park
Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Know How to Quit You
Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!
–Houston & Avenue A
Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.
–53rd St Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.
–W 31st & Broadway
Overheard by: A passing gay man
Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.
–Broadway & 8th
Overheard by: TR
Cop to drunk: Who cares if you’re gay? That doesn’t give you the right to climb the fire escape.
–W 20th
Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t Just Poor, They’re Po’
Preppy guy: They say beggars can’t be choosers, which makes sense, because we’re choosers.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Annie
Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bemused
Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man’s penis.
–Lucky Jack’s, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Argopelter
Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.
–79th & Broadway
Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I‑think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don’t do that! Homeless people sleep there!
–6 Train Station
