Archive for the ‘Hippies’ Category

Just Don’t Try to Fill Them Up With Dirt

Bim­bette daugh­ter: So, you like, had to, like, grow corn and shit when you were lit­tle?
Old hip­pie fa­ther: Yeah, be­fore I moved to Ore­gon. We had cows.
Bim­bette daugh­ter: Ewww! You had to milk cows?
Old hip­pie fa­ther: Yeah, but cows don’t help with house­hold chores, though. On­ly croc­o­diles can do that.
Bim­bette daugh­ter: Word.

–Barnes & No­ble

NYC Rules Re­quire at Least One Per­son to Drop the F‑Bomb

Hot hip­pie chick: Ex­cuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I’m just get­ting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hip­pie chick: Al­right, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Over­look­ing suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.

–Union Square Sub­way Sta­tion

Or Maybe She Just Wants Her House Cleaned for Free

Hip­pie chick #1: Wait, so what’s your moth­er’s ex­cuse for treat­ing you like a maid?
Hip­pie chick #2: She says she’s train­ing me for when I get mar­ried.
Hip­pie chick #1: But I thought your mom was a to­tal fem­bot.
Hip­pie chick #2: She claims to be, but this is­n’t her on­ly hyp­o­crit­i­cal fetish. I mean, the woman drinks non­al­co­holic wine.

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Do­mes­ti­cal­ly Ap­a­thet­ic

Wednes­days Feel Vir­tu­ous When They Don’t Eat One-Lin­ers

Weird hobo: Ladies and gen­tle­man, I am a dis­abled Viet­nam vet. I’m ask­ing help from all of you so I don’t wind up on the streets. While in Viet­nam, I was ex­posed to Agent Or­ange, which caused me my disability–I be­came a veg­e­tar­i­an.

–Down­town 3 Train

Over­heard by: An Amused For­mer Veg­e­tar­i­an

Ag­ing hip­pie to woman spout­ing PE­TA pro­pa­gan­da: I’ve been a ve­g­an for 30 years. You’re em­bar­rass­ing me. Why do you do that?

–F Train

Over­heard by: AeC

Guy: Yo, I’m veg­e­tar­i­an now, I don’t eat no meat, but man I love that chick­en. That chick­en just keeps comin’ back to me!

–Man­na’s

Over­heard by: eating­in­harlem

Crazy-look­ing woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was to­tal­ly a veg­e­tar­i­an yes­ter­day. Like lit­er­al­ly, I ate no meat.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Meat Eater

Clue­less 20-some­thing fe­male: Do you have an­oth­er menu? I’m a ve­g­an.

–Broth­er Jim­my’s BBQ, 31st St

Juras­sic Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Col­lege guy: These are the best di­nosaurs I’ve eat­en all day!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter Cam­pus

Ec­sta­t­ic five-year-old girl: The di­nosaurs! I can’t wait to see the di­nosaurs!

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: Miss Guid­ed

Hip­pie girl: Yeah, I don’t know about the eye­balls, but the di­nosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our di­nosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Be­cause I don’t etch on my DVDs with ptero­dactyls!

–Court Street, Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: Danielle

Guy root­ing through trash: If you were a di­nosaur I’d be a di­nosaur right be­side you.

–W 80th & Am­s­ter­dam

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Love the Skin They’re In

Skin­ny pale male hip­pie with hair in top knot, to friend, calm­ly: I’m go­ing to lose my brain. A piece of my brain.

–E.11th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Liz

Man on cell: Yeah, he crossed the line. Then, when he start­ed talk­ing about my wife’s anato­my I was just dis­gust­ed.

–31st Park­ing Garage

Thug, about his ba­by son: So, I’m lookin’ at this kid. I be lookin’ at him re­al hard. He got every­thing I got! Square head, the shoul­ders, the flat feet, every­thing! Straight down to the pe­nis!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Out of town­er to friend: I just want to let you know your armpit is mak­ing my wrist very warm right now.

–3 Train

Over­heard by: there are worse places you could put that, I guess…

Man to friends: He emp­ties his mind in­to your face.

–5th Ave & 11th St