Hippie to doorman: I know this is a weird question, but is there an office in this building called “Planet Hemp”?
Doorman: Nah man, sorry. (under his breath, as hippie turns and walks away) I fucking wish there was.
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Wanna get High?
Aged hippie: Would you rather have a housewife on Prozac or a babysitter on acid? [Friend shrugs.] Well, I’d rather have a babysitter on acid!
–Central Park
Overheard by: MRA
Bimbette daughter: So, you like, had to, like, grow corn and shit when you were little?
Old hippie father: Yeah, before I moved to Oregon. We had cows.
Bimbette daughter: Ewww! You had to milk cows?
Old hippie father: Yeah, but cows don’t help with household chores, though. Only crocodiles can do that.
Bimbette daughter: Word.
–Barnes & Noble
Hot hippie chick: Excuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I’m just getting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hippie chick: Alright, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Overlooking suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.
–Union Square Subway Station
Hippie chick #1: Wait, so what’s your mother’s excuse for treating you like a maid?
Hippie chick #2: She says she’s training me for when I get married.
Hippie chick #1: But I thought your mom was a total fembot.
Hippie chick #2: She claims to be, but this isn’t her only hypocritical fetish. I mean, the woman drinks nonalcoholic wine.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Domestically Apathetic
Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I’m asking help from all of you so I don’t wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian
Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I’ve been a vegan for 30 years. You’re embarrassing me. Why do you do that?
–F Train
Overheard by: AeC
Guy: Yo, I’m vegetarian now, I don’t eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin’ back to me!
–Manna’s
Overheard by: eatinginharlem
Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Meat Eater
Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I’m a vegan.
–Brother Jimmy’s BBQ, 31st St
Hippie: Dude, I found this place that makes the best veggie burger ever!
Friend: Cool… So, they’ll put bacon on mine, right?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Megan
College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I’ve eaten all day!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus
Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can’t wait to see the dinosaurs!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Miss Guided
Hippie girl: Yeah, I don’t know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!
–39th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Natalie
Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don’t etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!
–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Danielle
Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I’d be a dinosaur right beside you.
–W 80th & Amsterdam
Woman on cell: Well what did you expect? Did you think you could just go into the subway and get a million bucks playing your guitar?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Domi
Skinny pale male hippie with hair in top knot, to friend, calmly: I’m going to lose my brain. A piece of my brain.
–E.11th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Liz
Man on cell: Yeah, he crossed the line. Then, when he started talking about my wife’s anatomy I was just disgusted.
–31st Parking Garage
Thug, about his baby son: So, I’m lookin’ at this kid. I be lookin’ at him real hard. He got everything I got! Square head, the shoulders, the flat feet, everything! Straight down to the penis!
–Staten Island Ferry
Out of towner to friend: I just want to let you know your armpit is making my wrist very warm right now.
–3 Train
Overheard by: there are worse places you could put that, I guess…
Man to friends: He empties his mind into your face.
–5th Ave & 11th St
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
