Hobo: Anyone have a $50 bill?…How ’bout you?
Chick: What?
Hobo: Are there any rich people on this train?
Chick: No.
Hobo: You like me? Wanna give me a kiss?
–6 train
Overheard by: S.D. & S.H.
Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category
The Time Traveler is Genuinely Disoriented
Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey-nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Borgen
Beggars Can Be Choosers
Chick: Are you hungry? I have some leftover vietnamese food you can have.
Hobo: Well, what is it? I’m religious. I don’t eat pork.
Chick: There’s no pork. It’s just vegetarian noodles.
Hobo: Noodles? Nah, I’m trying to cut back on carbs.
–Grand Central food court
Wait a Minute — Where’s Your Giant Clock?
Homeless man with fake gold teeth: Can you lovely people please spare some change, a sandwich, or some water?
Woman: Oh my god… It’s Flavor Flav!
Homeless man: If that’s going to help me get a sandwich, then yeah, I am Flaaavor Flaaav.
–Downtown 2 train
Overheard by: Monica Lake
Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser
20-something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it’s my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners Are Eating Cat Food
Newspaper hawker: Close your umbrellas, people! You’re inside! You’re going to poke somebody’s eye out! Then they gonna sue you! Then you gonna be broke! Then you gonna throw yourself down the escalator!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Brawd
Black guy on cell: Niggas with no money are contagious!
–7 train platform, 74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Robyn Z
Flight attendant: Welcome to New York where the local time is 4:37. We know that you have a choice in selecting your air travel, and on behalf of the pilot and the crew I’d like to thank you for choosing our bankrupt airline.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Ldartjoy
Man on cell: There’s nothing worse than a poor snob.
–115th & Broadway, outside Columbia University
Hobo: Don’t anyone wanna donate to the broke-ass foundation?
–Houston St
Overheard by: Has been helped by that organization
Wednesday One-liners are Out in the Streets
Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sandwich.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jason K
Old bag lady: I’m looking for some change, some food, or a sexual partner.
–Lafayette & Great Jones
Hobo: I have something to say! I fucked your daughter! And she liked it! And she was tight!
–W. 4th & University
Overheard by: Snezhana Valdman
Hobo: Too many Police investigations stopping you from reaching your destination? I may be homeless, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!
–Staten Island ferry
Overheard by: Joel Guilbert
Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me money, one more thing. Has your sister or girlfriend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?
–45th & 9th
Overheard by: Paul Schellenberg
Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Franlin! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! Give me some respect!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Evan
Hobo: It’s 90 degrees out. Why are we wearing clothes? That’s mental illness.
–Rockefeller Center station
“Waldbaum’s, for one.”
Hobo: Let me ask you something. How come White people don’t buy from Black-owned businesses?
White guy: I do. All the time.
Hobo: Yeah? What Black stores do you shop at?
–Morningside Drive & 113th
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Probably at His Krispy Kreme Office
Lawyer guy: Don’t worry about that, ma’am. We’re gonna make sure you don’t have to worry about money for a long, long time.
Hobo: Shit, you got some money? Let me hold a million dollars.
Lawyer guy: Ha, ha, ha! No thank you, sir.
Hobo: You ain’t shit, nigga. Fuck you and your gay-ass hair. Where were you when I broke my leg, Mista Lawya?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton & Nassau
Overheard by: Matt M
Spring is in the Air (Alongside TB)
Hobo #1: I love you.
Hobo #2: Get the fuck out of here.
Hobo #1: What?
Hobo #2: You are going to fuck with me and you are going to get yourself hurt. I mean it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: bebe
