Girl: Omigod! I saw you on the internet!
Hobo: You’re like the hundredth person to tell me that tonight.
–Central Park
(cf. this entry.)
Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category
…Just Like It Says on Our State Crest.
Yuppie woman, bumping into hobo: Oh, I’m sorry!
Hobo, turning around and following her: That’s okay! This is fucking New York! Don’t apologize! Bitches be knocking into everyone all the time!
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Translation: Will You Marry Me?
Hobo: I’ll bet you think I spent all my money on crack and alcohol.
Guy: Probably.
Hobo: Well, you’re right. But I’ve learned my lesson. Now I want to spend your money on crack and alcohol.
–E train
Just Send Me a Fax
Hobo #1: Hey, how’s it going?
Hobo #2: Okay.
Hobo #1: I’ll call you tonight!
Hobo #2: I don’t have a phone.
Hobo #1: I know.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Haven’t You Been Issued a Copy Of the Revised Constitution?
Cop: You gotta keep moving.
Vagrant: But it’s free…it’s a free…
Cop: No. It ain’t.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jason Scott
Please God, Say They Didn’t Do It on the Train
Bag lady: …but I got 33 days credit.
Hobo: Yeah, but you know if you get locked up again, you’re gonna be there for 60.
Bad lady: I know, then I’ll do half.
Hobo: I can’t believe that guy did that to you. I’m gonna set him up like a bowling pin. And you know what happens to bowling pins: they get knocked out.
–Staten Island Railway
Overheard by: David D.
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I’d get a plane ticket right now, but it’d be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
Tongue Costs Extra
Hobo: Anyone have a $50 bill?…How ’bout you?
Chick: What?
Hobo: Are there any rich people on this train?
Chick: No.
Hobo: You like me? Wanna give me a kiss?
–6 train
Overheard by: S.D. & S.H.
The Time Traveler is Genuinely Disoriented
Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey-nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Borgen
Beggars Can Be Choosers
Chick: Are you hungry? I have some leftover vietnamese food you can have.
Hobo: Well, what is it? I’m religious. I don’t eat pork.
Chick: There’s no pork. It’s just vegetarian noodles.
Hobo: Noodles? Nah, I’m trying to cut back on carbs.
–Grand Central food court
