A hobo is talking into his hand as if it were a phone.
Hobo: Fuck that shit. I’m going dancing!
He hangs up his imaginary phone.
Hobo: Damn, that bitch talks too much.
–Staten Island ferry
Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category
Be a Good Sport, Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!
–A train
Overheard by: love this conductor!
Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!
–1 train
Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!
–F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: Theresa
Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.
–Upper West Side
Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.
Nearby cop: Safe!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Bananaphone
Fun with the Homeless
Two hobos are having a quarrel.
Bum: No, no, man, we can’t fuck each other; we gotta find two women to fuck!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
And a Man I Can Pee With!
Frustrated hobo: What are you looking for?
Batty bag lady: A car!
Frustrated hobo: Well, what kind of car?
Batty bag lady: A car I can pee between!
–Eldridge & Broome
Overheard by: Nic
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Or Aborting Fetuses?
Hobo: Can I ask you a Republican question?
Girl: Yes.
Hobo: Do you like Christmas?
–1 train
You Know You’re Loose When the Homeless Call You On It
Chick on cell: That sounds good. Oh yeah…you promise? Well I guess we could manage that around 8 o’ clock at Starbucks.
Hobo: Girl, you’re dirty. At a coffee shop?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ester Ellis
And a Home to Put It In, Sucker!
Hobo to young man getting out of a cab: Can you spare some change? (shakes cup in front of him)
Young man: No, thanks, I’ve already got a cup.
–E 10th & 1st
Overheard by: Dan
“…‘Cause I’ve got your 7” right here!”
Guy: Here you go, brother.
Hobo: Thanks. Hey, are you the guy who asked me for a remix?
–A train
Overheard by: quiubomona
Ray Romano, How Quickly You’ve Hit Bottom
Hobo: Can you spare some change?
Chick: No, sorry.
Hobo: I know you hate me…I hate myself, too.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fleur Massena
