Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

Wednes­day One-lin­ers are Out in the Streets

Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sand­wich.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Ja­son K

Old bag la­dy: I’m look­ing for some change, some food, or a sex­u­al part­ner.

–Lafayette & Great Jones

Hobo: I have some­thing to say! I fucked your daugh­ter! And she liked it! And she was tight!

–W. 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Snezhana Vald­man

Hobo: Too many Po­lice in­ves­ti­ga­tions stop­ping you from reach­ing your des­ti­na­tion? I may be home­less, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!

–Stat­en Is­land fer­ry

Over­heard by: Joel Guil­bert

Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me mon­ey, one more thing. Has your sis­ter or girl­friend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?

–45th & 9th

Over­heard by: Paul Schel­len­berg

Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Fran­lin! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! Give me some re­spect!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Evan

Hobo: It’s 90 de­grees out. Why are we wear­ing clothes? That’s men­tal ill­ness.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter sta­tion

Prob­a­bly at His Krispy Kreme Of­fice

Lawyer guy: Don’t wor­ry about that, ma’am. We’re gonna make sure you don’t have to wor­ry about mon­ey for a long, long time.
Hobo: Shit, you got some mon­ey? Let me hold a mil­lion dol­lars.
Lawyer guy: Ha, ha, ha! No thank you, sir.
Hobo: You ain’t shit, nig­ga. Fuck you and your gay-ass hair. Where were you when I broke my leg, Mista Lawya?

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ful­ton & Nas­sau

Over­heard by: Matt M

Lind­say Reps Her Own Urine These Days

Hobo putting hand on Justin Tim­ber­lake look-alike’s shoul­der: Oh, shit! It’s Justin Tim­ber­lake, every­body!
Look-alike: Uh, what?
Tourist teeny­bop­per: Can I have your au­to­graph, please?
Look-alike: I’m not Justin Tim­ber­lake.
Tourist teeny­bop­per: But you are.
Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We’ll do busi­ness. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Tim­ber­lake’s au­to­graph, every­one! For 20 bucks he’ll dance for you.
Tourist teeny­bop­per: I have five dol­lars…
Hobo: We’re in busi­ness!
Look-alike: I’m go­ing to kill you.
Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I’ve ever come up with! Ex­cept for the time I tried to sell Lind­say Lo­han’s piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was ac­tu­al­ly my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with peo­ple.

–4 train