Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

Be a Good Sport, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor, on loud­speak­er: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watch­ing the Su­per Bowl on­ly for the com­mer­cials. The Gi­ants are go­ing to be so far ahead of… the oth­er team… it’ll be a bor­ing game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the com­mer­cials are go­ing to be great!

–A train

Over­heard by: love this con­duc­tor!

Blind hobo to no one: You know why black bas­ket­ball play­ers are bet­ter than white ones? Be­cause Je­sus was black, so they’re like Je­sus!

–1 train

Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Su­per Bowl! Su­per bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Su­per Bowl’? Did­n’t you ever think about how stu­pid that is?!

–F train, 4th Ave

Over­heard by: There­sa

Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cow­boys game with­out the cheer­lead­ers. There go half the male tick­et hold­ers.

–Prospect Park, Brook­lyn

Guy who is clear­ly not Eli Man­ning: What do I do? My name is Eli Man­ning, and I play for the New York Gi­ants.

–Up­per West Side

Guy ran­dom­ly wipes out on the side­walk, flat on his stom­ach with arms stretched out in front of him. Every­one stares.

Near­by cop: Safe!

–Out­side Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ba­nana­phone

The Au Jus Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

11 year-old boy throw­ing wa­ter bal­loon back and forth: It’s like a hy­men, per­fect­ly in­tact af­ter a mi­nor rape! (bal­loon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hy­men juices!

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to an­oth­er: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not go­ing to ejac­u­late! (re­peats it over and over)

–D Train

Over­heard by: seat chang­er

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty peo­ple suck.

–W 23rd Street

Over­heard by: Cool and Dry

Lit­tle girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m drip­ping cum!

–Hes­ter & Allen

Over­heard by: low­er east side