Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners As Portrayed by Steinbeck

Hobo, after playing keyboard and screaming Christmas carols: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any change I would greatly appreciate it. It would be going to a good cause — I need a lot of therapy.

–L stop, Union Square

Overheard by: sunny maguire

Crazy hobo to no one: It’s the Hudson River — it moved! On Christmas day, it will be April 15th. Sign my petition.

–M15 bus, Ave A

Overheard by: Getting off at next stop

Hobo: I’ll be your lover for a month if you buy me a motorcycle.

–79th & Broadway

Hobo to puddle: You don’t fucking know, man. Shit. You don’t fucking know.

–Penn Station

Homeless woman at 11 in the morning: I’m sorry to bother you all. I am homeless, and I haven’t had a decent meal since earlier today.

–F train to Brooklyn

Overheard by: I hadn’t had a decent meal at all at that time

Hobo to hobo friend: Yo, let me get your e‑mail!

–W 27th St

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?

–Lexington Ave & 58th

Girl to friend: No, I can’t do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.

–3rd Ave & 80th St

Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!

–Sephora, 57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Amanda

Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you’re doing your nails? Mmmmmm…

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: Thompson

Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I’m going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.

–Elevator, Macy’s

Overheard by: K Melv

Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.

–72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: wb

What’s a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There’s no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagina Whisperer.”

–Moe’s Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do something weird… I’ll pour honey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I’ll pour butter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beautiful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Even More Now that I Know She Pees in Hobo Jars!

NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell — 20 bucks a pop.‘
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way — what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine — I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!

–Starbucks corner, Washington Square