Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

We Call It… The Aris­to­crats!

Moth­er #1: Yeah, Thanks­giv­ing is so crazy. I de­cid­ed long ago not to trav­el; it’s too much with the kids.
Moth­er #2: I know. I went to Cal­i­for­nia once with the kids, and it was in­sane!
Moth­er #1: We just have a nice, qui­et din­ner at home.
Moth­er #2: I know! Once, we had a pants­less Thanks­giv­ing. We all sat around the ta­ble with­out any pants on and ate din­ner. The boys were crawl­ing on the ta­ble, it was great!
Moth­er #1: Yikes…

–Av­enue of the Amer­i­c­as

They’ve Got Their ‘Good Barista / Bad Barista’ Act Down to a Sci­ence

For­eign­er: Ex­cusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 hold­ing steamed milk: No. You or­dered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
For­eign­er, hold­ing drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Or­der a fuckin’ lat­te, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour your­self some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!

Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the cus­tomer some milk.

Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valen­tine’s Day — don’t you get emo­tion­al. It’s some oth­er hol­i­day. Hell, it’s Christ­mas. [To cus­tomer] Here you go, sir! Mer­ry Christ­mas!

–Star­bucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave

If They Had Kids, There’s a Fifth Op­tion

Girl: Think you’ll be able to con­vince your par­ents to go see a movie or some­thing over Christ­mas?
Guy: Not a chance. My par­ents are im­pos­si­ble to mo­ti­vate to do any­thing.
Girl: Ah, I bet you could get them to at least try dur­ing the hol­i­days.
Guy: I’m not kidding…They are com­plete­ly ex­haust­ed by eat­ing, sleep­ing, shit­ting, and work­ing. That’s all they have en­er­gy for.

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Over­heard by: BBW