Archive for the ‘Hook Ups’ Category

A Really Horrible Person Wouldn’t Have Used the Condoms

Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!“
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.

–L train

Overheard by: Slappy McGee

I’m Pretty Sure It’s Called The G Spot

Girl #1: Man, if I’m going to go to that party tonight, I gotta shave my hair.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. Where is the best price around here?
Girl #3: There’s one on Lexington by my place, and a guy does it, and he’s so hot I just want him to accidentally shove his dick up me.
Girl #2: Then we’ll go to that place!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Andrew

But Possibly Also Because I Keep Getting Crabs

Barnard girl #1: I was at this party, and there was this guy, but I promised myself I would stop hooking up with strangers.
Barnard girl #2: Right.
Barnard girl #1: But, like, I still don’t understand why it’s bad to hook up with strangers all the time.
Barnard girl #2: Maybe it’s because you’re, like, using each other’s bodies.
Barnard girl #1: Maybe.

–Le Monde Cafe

Overheard by: this is awkward