Archive for the ‘Hook Ups’ Category

A Re­al­ly Hor­ri­ble Per­son Would­n’t Have Used the Con­doms

Hip­ster #1: I can’t be­lieve you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hip­ster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I to­tal­ly vin­di­cat­ed my­self im­me­di­ate­ly af­ter.
Hip­ster #1: Yeah?
Hip­ster #2: We must have wok­en up her hot blond suit­e­m­ate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your gi­ant cock!“
Hip­ster #1: And how do you know?
Hip­ster #2: Be­cause af­ter­ward, she passed out, and I went out to her liv­ing room to have a smoke, and her room­mate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hip­ster #1: That’s awe­some.
Hip­ster #2: Yeah. The fun­ni­est part was, I snuck back in­to her room when she was passed out and stole some con­doms from her draw­er.
Hip­ster #1: You’re a hor­ri­ble per­son.
Hip­ster #2: I know.

–L train

Over­heard by: Slap­py McGee

I’m Pret­ty Sure It’s Called The G Spot

Girl #1: Man, if I’m go­ing to go to that par­ty tonight, I got­ta shave my hair.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. Where is the best price around here?
Girl #3: There’s one on Lex­ing­ton by my place, and a guy does it, and he’s so hot I just want him to ac­ci­den­tal­ly shove his dick up me.
Girl #2: Then we’ll go to that place!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: An­drew

But Pos­si­bly Al­so Be­cause I Keep Get­ting Crabs

Barnard girl #1: I was at this par­ty, and there was this guy, but I promised my­self I would stop hook­ing up with strangers.
Barnard girl #2: Right.
Barnard girl #1: But, like, I still don’t un­der­stand why it’s bad to hook up with strangers all the time.
Barnard girl #2: Maybe it’s be­cause you’re, like, us­ing each oth­er’s bod­ies.
Barnard girl #1: Maybe.

–Le Monde Cafe

Over­heard by: this is awk­ward

In the Sense That She Wants You to Take Over Her Class­es While She Does Her Own Re­search

Male grad stu­dent #1: So, I got an email from my teacher to­day.
Male grad stu­dent #2: Oh, yeah?
Male grad stu­dent #1: Yeah… She thinks I’m a good teacher.
Male grad stu­dent #2: Oh… So noth­ing about…?
Male grad stu­dent #1: No, noth­ing about my gor­geous smile or sparkling per­son­al­i­ty.
Male grad stu­dent #2: Oh.
Male grad stu­dent #1: She to­tal­ly wants me. I can tell.

–A train, be­tween 42nd & 50th St

Over­heard by: laurs

Every Hunter Longs to Be­come the Hunt­ed

Teenage girl: So I’m get­ting bet­ter at hook­ing up with guys and not get­ting at­tached! I hooked up with Jake last week, and I don’t feel any­thing at all!
Friend: Yeah, but that’s not hard. He’s, like, im­pos­si­ble to get at­tached to. We need to find you a chal­lenge. Who’s re­al­ly cute and cud­dly?
Ran­dom old man walk­ing in front of them: Pick me, pick me!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: cute and cud­dly