Hoochie #1: I’ve hooked up with people whose names I couldn’t remember but never people whose names I couldn’t pronounce.
Hoochie #2: But if we can’t remember their names, then how will we ever know if we’d have been able to pronounce them or not? These are the questions we must ask.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms.
–84th & Broadway
Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it.
–52nd & Lexington
Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kinda cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m looking for right now.
20 min. later:
Guy: I really like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an alcoholic and insane! He’s great though, I like him too.
–2 train
Chick: I just have to go home and masturbate tonight. An orgasm would feel so good right now.
–42nd Street station
Overheard by: The Original Danger
Chick: I really have a thing for my TA. I think he’s into me. Like, he’s giving off all these signs.
Dude: You should totally go up to him and ask if you can see his wood.
Chick: You know, I’ve done something like that before.
–NYU Route B bus
Overheard by: crackin’ up
Girl #1: I am not a slut! You’re the slut in this friendship! We agreed on this!
Girl #2: Okay, fine, you’re not a slut… But you were straddling him.
–E train
Headline by: DanaLishs
Runners-Up:
· “I Think She Said It Best” – Lalaith
· “I Thought I Was the Slut and You Were the Gutter Slut?” – Molly
· “I Was Just Evening the Score. You’re Too Far Ahead.” – Jen M.
· “Mary Kate and Ashley, Drunk Again” – Mikey G.
· “Now Go Back to Munching My Box” – K to that B
· “With My Pinkie Out. Like a Lady.” – Courtney from Arkansas
· “Yeah, but Only His Face” – Jason
Hoochie: I thought you had a girlfriend! Do you love her?
Guy: She’s not here.
Hoochie: You’re just horny. Do you love her?
Guy: Are you horny?
Hoochie: I just had sex with three guys.
Guy: I love her.
–Bar, Brooklyn
Overheard by: J Intellect
Skank: Oh, god… It’s just so sad. I mean, that fuckah was just so young. He got so many women. Why he had to die?
Woman trying to talk on cell: Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that.
Skank: I mean, I woulda done anything for him… Anything at all… Great fuck… Great fuckah… Sad. [Train stops.] I gotta go.
Woman, back to caller: Hun? Sorry about that. Some girl wouldn’t stop talking. I think she was going to the first funeral that didn’t take place in her womb.
–A train
Hot chick: You know what? I hate all men. I have two nieces so I don’t even need to have kids. I can have sex any time I want, so I’m happy.
–Art Gallery, SoHo
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Hoochie #1: Jeffrey’s coming over tonight… Shit, I’m out of lube! And I’m broke. Fuck!
Hoochie #2: Use lip gloss. When you blow him, your lips won’t get chapped.
Hoochie #1: That’s why your lips are so nice!
–Union Square
Overheard by:
Hoochie #1: I am such a make-out slut!
Hoochie #2: I used to be a make-out slut, too, but then I went pro.
–Grand Central shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Danielle