Jogging hoochie on cell: Yeah, I just touched down in Boston. No, I’m still in the airport waiting for my bag.
Black guy: Don’t believe her! She’s in Atlantic City!
–Central Park
Overheard by: MaliceAlice
Archive for the ‘Hootchies’ Category
The Implants Went Straight to Her Head
Hot chick: You know what? I hate all men. I have two nieces so I don’t even need to have kids. I can have sex any time I want, so I’m happy.
–Art Gallery, SoHo
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Unless I Got Frequent-Flyer Miles
Hoochie #1: I’m okay with abortions and everything, but I think if I had to get them every other month that’d be nasty.
Hoochie #2: Uh-huh.
–LIRR, Huntington Branch
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
All Indicators Are Green, Sir
Guy: Do you know how a penis works?
Chick: Yeah, but they are usually in my mouth.
–Houston St
Overheard by: HA
Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Desperate Housewives” on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: “I wanna forget you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For real?” It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van.”
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
These, and “How Will I Treat This Outbreak?”
Hoochie #1: I’ve hooked up with people whose names I couldn’t remember but never people whose names I couldn’t pronounce.
Hoochie #2: But if we can’t remember their names, then how will we ever know if we’d have been able to pronounce them or not? These are the questions we must ask.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
She’s the Cob, and They’re the Cornholders
Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms.
–84th & Broadway
Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it.
–52nd & Lexington
As Opposed to the “Fuck Me Gently Later” Way
Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kinda cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m looking for right now.
20 min. later:
Guy: I really like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an alcoholic and insane! He’s great though, I like him too.
–2 train
Chick: I just have to go home and masturbate tonight. An orgasm would feel so good right now.
–42nd Street station
Overheard by: The Original Danger
But It Sounds More Suave When You’re Talking to a Logger
Chick: I really have a thing for my TA. I think he’s into me. Like, he’s giving off all these signs.
Dude: You should totally go up to him and ask if you can see his wood.
Chick: You know, I’ve done something like that before.
–NYU Route B bus
Overheard by: crackin’ up
