Archive for the ‘Hootchies’ Category

Thank God the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie con­trol our lives!

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Home­less crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twen­ties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Des­per­ate House­wives” on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large lati­no: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t be­lieve you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, se­ri­ous­ly bro… Well the main thing that hap­pened was Hei­di tried to apol­o­gize to LC and she was all like: “I wan­na for­get you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For re­al?” It was crazy, you got­ta catch it!

–Times Square Of­fice Build­ing

Over­heard by: SU­SAN

Red­head: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world with­out urges.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St be­tween 1st & 2nd

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

Mus­cu­lar guy: He comes up to me talk­ing all this shit, say­ing that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangs­ta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skin­ny moth­er­fuc­ka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Ful­some girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Or­der: SVU’, I’m not get­ting in your van.”

–15th be­tween 6th and 7th

Over­heard by: Dis­union­square

Aries Spears, in line for an Ash­lee Simp­son au­to­graph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a ran­dom girl’s cam­era and snaps a pic­ture of them to­geth­er and walks away.]

–Vir­gin Mo­bile Mega Store, Times Square

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s in­to that kinky down­town shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: bas­tar­do

Loud up­state girl: I think…doin’ any kin­da re­search in­ta fur­ries? You’re in trou­ble.

–Hud­son & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna hand­cuff me, then hand­cuff me. But, you know, when I got­ta go do my shit, I got­ta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: ste­phie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve to­tal­ly got a cold too! But I’ve al­so got bondage tape. And a cell phone ac­ti­vat­ed vi­bra­tor.

–Ouidad sa­lon

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to an­oth­er, while hav­ing lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from be­hind.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy at ta­ble: You know, she’s a qual­i­ty girl, even when I was in hand­cuffs, I could tell that she was a qual­i­ty girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Over­heard by: Spazz

She’s the Cob, and They’re the Corn­hold­ers

Girl: There’s a Du­ane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Du­ane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wear­ing con­doms.

–84th & Broad­way

Suit #1: But what hap­pens if our cocks ac­ci­den­tal­ly touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it.

–52nd & Lex­ing­ton

As Op­posed to the “Fuck Me Gen­tly Lat­er” Way

Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kin­da cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m look­ing for right now.

20 min. lat­er:

Guy: I re­al­ly like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an al­co­holic and in­sane! He’s great though, I like him too.

–2 train

Chick: I just have to go home and mas­tur­bate tonight. An or­gasm would feel so good right now.

–42nd Street sta­tion

Over­heard by: The Orig­i­nal Dan­ger

Yeah, but Dads don’t count

Girl #1: I am not a slut! You’re the slut in this friend­ship! We agreed on this!
Girl #2: Okay, fine, you’re not a slut… But you were strad­dling him.

–E train

Head­line by: DanaL­ishs

Run­ners-Up:
· “I Think She Said It Best” — Lalaith
· “I Thought I Was the Slut and You Were the Gut­ter Slut?” — Mol­ly
· “I Was Just Evening the Score. You’re Too Far Ahead.” — Jen M.
· “Mary Kate and Ash­ley, Drunk Again” — Mikey G.
· “Now Go Back to Munch­ing My Box” — K to that B
· “With My Pinkie Out. Like a La­dy.” — Court­ney from Arkansas
· “Yeah, but On­ly His Face” — Ja­son

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test