Archive for the ‘Hootchies’ Category

As Opposed to the “Fuck Me Gently Later” Way

Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kinda cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m looking for right now.

20 min. later:

Guy: I really like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an alcoholic and insane! He’s great though, I like him too.

–2 train

Chick: I just have to go home and masturbate tonight. An orgasm would feel so good right now.

–42nd Street station

Overheard by: The Original Danger

Yeah, but Dads don’t count

Girl #1: I am not a slut! You’re the slut in this friendship! We agreed on this!
Girl #2: Okay, fine, you’re not a slut… But you were straddling him.

–E train

Headline by: DanaLishs

Runners-Up:
· “I Think She Said It Best” – Lalaith
· “I Thought I Was the Slut and You Were the Gutter Slut?” – Molly
· “I Was Just Evening the Score. You’re Too Far Ahead.” – Jen M.
· “Mary Kate and Ashley, Drunk Again” – Mikey G.
· “Now Go Back to Munching My Box” – K to that B
· “With My Pinkie Out. Like a Lady.” – Courtney from Arkansas
· “Yeah, but Only His Face” – Jason

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

She’s Grieving, You Bitch!

Skank: Oh, god… It’s just so sad. I mean, that fuckah was just so young. He got so many women. Why he had to die?
Woman trying to talk on cell: Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that.
Skank: I mean, I woulda done anything for him… Anything at all… Great fuck… Great fuckah… Sad. [Train stops.] I gotta go.
Woman, back to caller: Hun? Sorry about that. Some girl wouldn’t stop talking. I think she was going to the first funeral that didn’t take place in her womb.

–A train

Too Good to Be True?

Woman #1: You see that guy?
Woman #2: Who?
Woman #1: The bartender.
Woman #2: Yeah, what about him?
Woman #1: I fucked him.
Woman #2: Was he any good?
Woman #1: No, he sucked shit.
Woman #2: Are you still fucking him?
Woman #1: Hell, yeah!
Woman #2: Why the hell are you fucking him, then?
Woman #1: We’re getting free drinks, aren’t we? And besides I’m bored and not getting any other dick at the moment so I might as well. I’ll ditch his dumb good-looking ass soon.
Woman #2: You mean when you find another good dick!
Woman #1: Whatever.
Woman #2: Cheers.

–Midtown Bar

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