Archive for the ‘Horny’ Category

…But It Gets Blown a Lot.

Tall, hot hip­ster brunette: I mean, when I see girls flock­ing around him when he’s DJing I just think “oh, they are DJ whores.“
Lit­tle Asian friend: Uh-huh.
Tall, hot hip­ster brunette: But this girl has nev­er seen him DJ or any­thing. I don’t get it. It’s be­yond my lev­el of com­pre­hen­sion.
Lit­tle Asian friend: It’s okay, me too.
Tall, hot hip­ster brunette: It’s like he has a slut whis­tle and we can­not hear that fre­quen­cy.

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: muf­fin

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get a Relt­ney

Hip­ster girl: And he’s al­ways like, “oh god, I’m so hard!” and I’m al­ways just like, “re­al­ly?”

–Kim­mel Cafe­te­ria, NYU

Loud pas­sen­ger: I’m so horny I’d fuck a pota­to right now.

–Metro-North

Over­heard by: fin­ger­ling

Guy: I’ve had a hard-on all day! I need to pol­ish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Beard­ed hip­ster to an­oth­er, on blan­ket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a bon­er.

–Mc­Car­ren Park, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: kalbi­jim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a bon­er while we’re talk­ing about Mex­i­cans and drown­ing?

–Williams­burg

See What You’ve Start­ed, Be­y­once?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skanka­li­cious” writ­ten all over it.

–35th & 7th

Over­heard by: GJL

Head­line by: Porter

Run­ners-Up:
· “Brit­ney’s Got a New Cloth­ing Line?” — Ray
· “In Ac­cor­dance With the New Truth in Graf­fi­ti Reg­u­la­tions” — bq
· “It’s the New “Guc­ci”” — John­nyB
· “Some­one Tell Fer­gie to Stop Mak­ing Up Song Ti­tles” — Bot­ti­cus
· “The New Mari­ah Carey Doll Cre­at­ed Un­ex­pect­ed Col­lec­tors” — Ed­dieA

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day Undie-Lin­ers

Col­lege girl on cell: So as of last week­end I’ve pledged to be celi­bate for a year…although on sec­ond thought, it should re­al­ly start to­day. I got pret­ty trashed last night and this morn­ing I could­n’t find the un­der­wear I was wear­ing yes­ter­day.

–Church St

Over­heard by: Em­ma

20-some­thing woman: Did you en­joy the bra fit­ting? Old la­dy grab your bits?

–Out­side Town Shop

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

El­der­ly woman ex­am­in­ing bras: What’s with all this padding? I got my own damn tit­ties!

–H&M, 5th Ave

Over­heard by: tit­ti-less

Eight-year-old in a suit jack­et on cell, strut­ting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the un­der­wear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (loud­er) The panties!

–Barnes & No­ble, Tribeca

Over­heard by: emdee­bee

Trashy girl walk­ing fun­ny: Well, I guess I should have worn un­der­wear.

–Arthur Ave

Tonight’s Movie: When Bri­an Met Suzie

20-some­thing hip­ster boyfriend: Are you at­tract­ed to Bri­an?
20-some­thing hip­ster girl­friend: No.
20-some­thing hip­ster boyfriend: I don’t be­lieve you.
20-some­thing hip­ster girl­friend: Okay, well, I can’t re­al­ly say any­thing that would con­vince you, ex­cept… Me be­ing at­tract­ed to your friend Bri­an is just as like­ly as you be­ing at­tract­ed to my friend Suzie.
20-some­thing hip­ster boyfriend: Fuck! No! Okay, I be­lieve you.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: emi­ly dar­win