Man #1: So was that her?
Man #2, returning from following Tara Reid: That was definitely her.
Man #1: She wasn’t as slutty as I’d hoped.
Man #2: I know. She’s starting to look more and more like Will Ferrell.
–53rd & 5th
Archive for the ‘Horny’ Category
Go Smut Surfing and Leave Us Alone About It
Immature boy complaining about health video: Why is it that they put those mosaic blurry thingies on the nipples and show everything else?
Asian girl trying to do homework: God, you horny bastard!
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: stop asking about bra sizes
Spring is in the Air (Alongside TB)
Hobo #1: I love you.
Hobo #2: Get the fuck out of here.
Hobo #1: What?
Hobo #2: You are going to fuck with me and you are going to get yourself hurt. I mean it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: bebe
The Dangers of Making Love in Front of the Robots
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
I Know — The Color Purple?! What Kinda Fag Shit Is That??
Teen Girl to friend: I’d much rather he got turned on by his two friends than a Broadway show. I mean, how *gay* would that be?
–Boardwalk, Brighton Beach
…But It Gets Blown a Lot.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: I mean, when I see girls flocking around him when he’s DJing I just think “oh, they are DJ whores.“
Little Asian friend: Uh-huh.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: But this girl has never seen him DJ or anything. I don’t get it. It’s beyond my level of comprehension.
Little Asian friend: It’s okay, me too.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: It’s like he has a slut whistle and we cannot hear that frequency.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: muffin
Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney
Hipster girl: And he’s always like, “oh god, I’m so hard!” and I’m always just like, “really?”
–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU
Loud passenger: I’m so horny I’d fuck a potato right now.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: fingerling
Guy: I’ve had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.
–Hard Rock Cafe
Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.
–McCarren Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kalbijim
Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we’re talking about Mexicans and drowning?
–Williamsburg
Sometimes It Hurts Not to Be a Woman
Twink #1: Gurl, he’s everything I ever wanted.
Twink #2: You know you shouldn’t bother with straight men. There ain’t no point!
Twink #1: That may be true, but you know what they always say: “even an iron bends when it’s hot…”
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Marley
She Needs a Change After All the Big Black Men
Girl #1: What’s with all the little white men?
Girl #2: The Navy guys?
Girl #1: White, Jesus.
Girl #2: What?
Pause
Girl #1: In those little costumes… don’t you just want to jump them?
–34th & Lexington
Overheard by: love them sailors
See What You’ve Started, Beyonce?
Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.
–35th & 7th
Overheard by: GJL
Headline by: Porter
Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” — Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” — bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” — JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” — Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” — EddieA
