Archive for the ‘Hospitals’ Category

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

Wednes­day RU-486-Lin­ers

Guy on cell: That’s the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Ghet­to dude: I told her, I was like “if you get preg­nant you best get an abor­tion, cause I ain’t help­ing you with that shit.” I mean, I would help her, but I got­ta get that shit in her head.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Jill

30-some­thing woman to boyfriend: There be some mutha­fuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth con­trol. I’m woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain’t doin’ it again.

–Abor­tion Clin­ic, Queens

Crazy guy on sub­way, preach­ing: You know why there’s 100 mil­lion Mex­i­cans in Amer­i­ca? Abor­tion!

–W Train

Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Lar­ry

TV: ‘It’s of­fi­cial — Hillary Clin­ton is run­ning for the pres­i­den­cy…‘
Sec­re­tary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Sec­re­tary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is run­ning.
Ser­vice as­so­ciate: You think a woman can han­dle these 52 states? This is a big con­ti­nent — you think a woman can han­dle that?

–Mon­te­fiore Med­ical Cen­ter

Head­line by: Ja­son

Run­ners-Up:

· “At least we knew Mon­i­ca could han­dle a big load” — Roxi

· “I mean, re­al­ly, Deb­bie could on­ly han­dle Dal­las.” — Mikie

· “If she can’t han­dle the small “jobs” at home…” — Ken­neth

· “Men ly­ing about size? Yeah, a woman can han­dle that.” — bel­la


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

I Smell Ro­man­tic Com­e­dy Gold!

Nurse #1: Fuck, I hate Mr. Williams. That fuck­er won’t shut the hell up. Every time he’s here he wants me to be his nurse.
Nurse #2, laugh­ing: Mr. Williams likes you.
Nurse #3: I don’t know why you’re laugh­ing, Mary. At least she does­n’t have an 80-year-old dyke putting the moves on her.

–South Ward, Al­bert Ein­stein Hos­pi­tal

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Go­ing to Hell

Ass­hole, point­ing at a Chi­nese woman with Down Syn­drome: Look a Mon­goloid Mon­go­lian.

–Pearl Riv­er Mart, Broad­way

Over­heard by: Philip

Girl on cell: Well, she was­n’t a bet­ter per­son be­fore she went to re­hab, just a more fun one…Yeah, I agree, it would be awe­some if she re­lapsed. God, we are ter­ri­ble peo­ple.

–28th & Madi­son

Doc­tor, It Hurts When I Wednes­day My One-Lin­ers!

White col­lege girl: I would def­i­nite­ly want to be a doc­tor, if I did­n’t have to go to med­ical school.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Nurse to an­oth­er: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and preg­nan­cies.

–NYU Stu­dent Health Cen­ter

Over­heard by: had nei­ther

Black male pre-teen to moth­er: I know all about doc­tors, ’cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Ac­tu­al­ly, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doc­tor, I did­n’t like what he told me.

–39th & Lex­ing­ton

Doc­tor, draw­ing on nap­kin and dis­play­ing re­sults to stu­dent: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dis­so­cia­tive fugue–learn neu­rol­o­gy!

–168th & Fort Wash­ing­ton