Archive for the ‘Hospitals’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Eyes Are Big­ger Than Their Stom­achs

20-some­thing woman: Is she a bialy in re­al life?

–To­mo sushi, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

Very large black woman on cell phone, bel­low­ing: I don’t do no moth­er­fuck­ing corn bread! Why the fuck you al­ways want corn bread, moth­er­fuck­er?

–St. Luke’s-Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal, 114th & Am­s­ter­dam

Punk girl to an­oth­er: I wish I was a muf­fin. But I’m not. I’m a hu­man.

–B Train

Over­heard by: id rather be a cup­cake

Black Whole Foods em­ploy­ee to black whole Foods cus­tomer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c‑town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dol­lars for no eggs.

–Union Square Whole Foods

Clue­less suit on cell: I’m just re­al­ly bad at know­ing if stuff is per­ish­able or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream ‑that’s per­ish­able, right? But­ter ‑non-per­ish­able. Caviar is­n’t per­ish­able ei­ther… Wait, what? Oh, but­ter is per­ish­able? Wait, how do you know? Does per­ish­able mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?

–E 60th St

An­gry 20-some­thing on cell phone: Why? Why? Be­cause I can’t eat spaghet­ti-o’s any­more!

–E 13th St & 1st Ave

We Don’t Rave with Good Dancers

Chick: What are you do­ing this week­end?
Guy: I’m go­ing to a passover rave.
Chick: What the hell is a passover rave?
Guy: That’s where we have a Seder, then drop ec­sta­sy and go danc­ing.
Chick: That is so awe­some. Can I come?
Guy: You’re not Jew­ish.

–Wait­ing Room, Pa­cif­ic Col­lege of Acupunc­ture Clin­ic

Over­heard by: Colleen

The Cor­rect Term is “Nurse”

Doc­tor guy: What brings you here to­day?
Woman: You’re not wear­ing ID. Are you a doc­tor?
Doc­tor guy: Oh, I’m sor­ry, I left it at the com­put­er.

He goes to get it.

Man: What did­ja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s re­al­ly a doc­tor? He could be a ho­mo­sex­u­al.

–Coney Is­land Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: Iris Kalash­niko­va

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Were “Work­ing Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheat­ing in be­fore you are mar­ried!

–Vi­a­com Build­ing, 44th & Broad­way

An­gry dude on cell: Well I bet you en­joyed fuck­ing him last night while I was sit­ting out­side your house watch­ing!

–Hud­son & Mor­ton

Guy on cell: Hey sweet­ie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just fin­ish hav­ing sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call lat­er!

–85th & 2nd

[Boy and girl are mak­ing out on a bench.]Girl, pulling away: You should re­al­ly break up with her! [Make out ses­sion con­tin­ues.]

–En­trance to Cen­tral Park at West 85th St

Over­heard by: Bex

Man to woman, af­ter kiss­ing her for 20 min­utes: C’­mon, let’s go find your hus­band and my wife.

–Bryant Park

Man talk­ing to friend in hall­way: And so he says to me: “I nev­er promised that I would­n’t try to sleep with your wife.”

–Base­ment, Mt Sinai Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: scrubs

Check­out girl to an­oth­er: He said it was­n’t cheat­ing be­cause I’m his fa­vorite.

–Food Em­po­ri­um, 68th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: David

Ex­plains Why You Put In­ter­na­tion­al Postage on Every­thing Out­side Of Man­hat­tan

Sec­re­tary: What are you do­ing for Thanks­giv­ing?
Nurse: My hus­band and I are go­ing to North Car­oli­na to vis­it his fam­i­ly. Why? What are you do­ing? Do you want to come with us?
Sec­re­tary: No. I can’t. I don’t have a pass­port.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Can­cer Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Des­tiny Traphofn­er