Archive for the ‘Hotels’ Category

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam

Hap­pens Sopho­more Year for Most, But It’s Nev­er Too Late

92-year-old moth­er-in-law: It’s a two girl wed­ding?
Daugh­ter-in-law, pass­ing by sec­ond re­cep­tion hall: Yes, two women are hav­ing a wed­ding re­cep­tion, they got mar­ried.
Moth­er in law, as she stud­ies the two women: Well, that one [Points.] is­n’t so bad. she could have got­ten a man.
Daugh­ter-in-law: She did­n’t want a man. she’s at­tract­ed to women.
Moth­er in law: I nev­er had a chance to try that.
[Then pro­ceeds back and forth to the bath­room sev­er­al times dur­ing re­cep­tion, to check.]

–Wed­ding Re­cep­tion, Es­sex House

Over­heard by: brides­maid

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Live on a Steady Di­et of Gov­ern­ment Cheese

Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. Amer­i­ca loves cheese. No, se­ri­ous­ly, dude. Amer­i­ca loves cheese!

–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-some­thing guy singing while play­ing soc­cer: Bot­tles of cheese, bot­tles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: i’d like a bot­tle of cheese

Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sand­wich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Lind­say

Dis­tressed fe­male stu­dent: She’s such a hard grad­er! She’s like…a cheese grater.

–Queens Col­lege

Five-year old boy: But mum­my, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Reg­is Ho­tel

Over­heard by: Nonok

What a Dump

Men #1 & #2: What is that?!
Man #3: Yep, yep, that’s me! Sor­ry, sor­ry! It’s me. I just don’t un­der­stand it — I’ve nev­er shit my pants in my en­tire life!
Man #4: That’s dis­gust­ing!
Man #3: Sor­ry, sor­ry.
El­e­va­tor op­er­a­tor: Wel­come to New York City.

–El­e­va­tor at W Ho­tel, Union Square

You Can Make an Ex­cel­lent Bread by Grind­ing Their Bones

(crowd of shriek­ing teenage girls out­side Trump Ho­tel)
Ditzy woman #1 shout­ing: Look at that! Stu­pid peo­ple protest­ing! What id­iots. Why would they be protest­ing?
Ditzy woman #2: Yeah. Lame!
By­stander: They aren’t protest­ing. They are wait­ing for The Jonas Broth­ers to leave the ho­tel.

–Out­side Trump In­ter­na­tion­al Ho­tel

Over­heard by: An­nie in MN