Archive for the ‘Hotels’ Category

That One Guest Seems to Live in the Mir­ror

Suit #1: So where are you go­ing on va­ca­tion?
Suit #2: St. Bart’s.
Suit #1: Are you stay­ing in a house or at a ho­tel?
Suit #2: A house. God, I hate ho­tels. In­evitably there will be one guest that ir­ri­tates me; I’ll see him around at lunch or some­thing. Then I’ll ob­sess about it, all va­ca­tion long.
Suit #1: Yeah.

–Land­mark Gourmet, Pearl Street

Over­heard by: freshie

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Ex­as­per­at­ed moth­er to child in toi­let stall: Hur­ry up and poop!

–Ladies’ Re­stroom, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Bet­sy

[Girl is tak­ing a piss in bath­room, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Bi­i­itch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!

–Williams­burg, Brook­lyn

La­dy in bath­room stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!

–Sher­a­ton Ho­tel

Over­heard by: Mor­gan

Hun­gover se­nior, chant­i­ng loud­ly over sound of own uri­na­tion in bath­room: Al­l­l­l­l­l­l­l­ll ri­i­ighty thennnnnnn! Ah­h­h­h­h­h­hh!

–SVA An­i­ma­tion De­part­ment

Over­heard by: Laugh­ing

Man fart­ing at uri­nal, to friend at uri­nal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?

–Kim­mel Cen­ter, NYU

Over­heard by: JO in Bob­st

Girl: I’m not look­ing. I don’t want to see your vagi­na. Even if we are fam­i­ly.

–AMC The­ater Re­stroom, Times Square

Over­heard by: won­der­ing what’s go­ing on in the next stall

[Hor­rif­ic sounds heard in ad­ja­cent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: “I’m sor­ry, I had milk!”

–Of­fice bath­room, 31st Street

…But How’d You Know My Name?

Short man in glass­es, suit, and an­kle cast: Hey, I’ve got some great new mu­sic for you.
Tall blonde mod­el: Oh, re­al­ly?
Short man: Yeah! I’ve got the new David Guet­ta al­bum three months be­fore it’s sup­posed to come out. It’s got this song with Akon called Sexy Bitch.
Tall blonde mod­el: Wow, cool!
Short man: It’s a song about you!
Tall blonde mod­el, gen­uine­ly sur­prised: Tee-hee! Re­al­ly?

–Ho­tel down from the rooftop bar at the Gan­sevoort

Sin­gle White Kid­ney Stone

Break­fast la­dy: So it’s like me and her have the same health his­to­ry.
Break­fast par­ents: Oh, yeah?
Break­fast la­dy: Yeah, I had just come home from the doc­tor and I called her, and I was telling her what hap­pened and she goes “oh my god! I have to pass stones, too!” Her doc­tor said it may be hered­i­tary, though.

–Mar­riott, Times Square

Every Cloud Has a Sil­ver Lin­ing

Cry­ing queer: I just wast­ed my time and his for five years.
Con­sol­ing friend: Don’t have a neg­a­tive at­ti­tude. Nev­er look at a re­la­tion­ship like that. Every re­la­tion­ship, no mat­ter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every re­la­tion­ship you al­ways walk away with some­thing. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jew­el­ry?!

–Kit­tichai Thomp­son Ho­tel

Over­heard by: Nev­er walked away with any­thing